Broken Blye
by canaussie
Summary: What does it take to break Kensi? And will Deeks be able to help her? Same first chapter as Bulletproof Blye, but taken in a very different direction. Rated M for mature sexual content and violence - NOT suitable for anyone under 18. This may be triggering for some individuals - please don't read if this may be you. This is NOT a smut piece. Incomplete - looking for Beta.
1. Chapter 1

"Fern! Hey, Fern! Let me in."

Deeks knocked on the familiar door, wondering what was up. His partner hadn't shown up for work this morning and hadn't let anyone know why. Last night she had gone out for drinks with Nell, but Nell was adamant nothing was out of the ordinary and Kensi had gone home at a normal time and hadn't had too much to drink. After a few jokes about how Kensi was nursing a hangover or avoiding the walk of shame (which Deeks desperately hoped was untrue), those at OSP were getting a bit concerned. Callen checked with Hetty, and when even she had no idea where Kensi was or why she wasn't at work, they decided something might be up and sent Deeks to check things out. So that's why he was here, knocking at her door - trying to keep his voice light and playful even though he was starting to feel uneasy.

"Kens! Let me in or I'm gonna pick the lock! You better be decent in there... or not, your choice." But the joke felt a bit lame, even to him.

"Come on, Princess. Let your partner in. We're getting a bit worried about you."

When there was no sound, and no movement inside, Deeks pulled out a key that Hetty had given him and opened the door.

At first glance, nothing looked out of place. It was the same as the last time (and every time before that) he had visited her. Then again, with Kensi it was hard to tell. He was constantly teasing her about her lack of organization and her hoarding tendencies.

"Hey Kens, you here? You're late for work, you know." He called out while glancing around. He saw her bag on the couch where he guessed she would have dropped it last night. On a hunch, he dialed her number and sure enough the bag started ringing. So her phone was in her bag, which was on the couch. He reached in to grab it, and felt her keys. Going back to the door, he looked out the window. Yup, her car was there. How he missed that on his way in, he didn't know. But he figured at this point she must just have been really exhausted and slept in.

He was quiet for a moment, and realized he thought he heard something.

"Wake up sleeping beauty, it's morning time!" he yelled out, hoping he'd get a response, even if it was just a groan. When he didn't, he started towards her room, but kept chatting at her in hopes of a response.

When he got to her room, he knocked on the door (which he realized was kind of stupid, because if his yelling and clattering around hadn't woke her up, how was a knock on the door going to?) and then slowly opened it. He was totally unprepared for what he saw.


	2. Chapter 2

When Deeks started to open the door to Kensi's room, he froze. He saw blood on the carpet. Too much blood. He was about to fling the door open when he heard her groan.

"Stop. Don't come in. Don't open the door. You can't see me like this." Kensi sounded very un-Kensi-like. She was pleading with him, her voice weak.

"Is that your blood?" Deeks asked? He wanted to throw the door open, to reassure himself she was alright - but he knew from her voice that she wasn't. He didn't think anything behind the door could be worse than what he was imagining. "Are you ok?"

"Yes." She whispered, barely audible. "It's mine. I'm not ok. But you can't see me like this."

"I'm sitting down outside your door. I won't come in if you're not ready. But Kens, you've lost a lot of blood. You don't sound good. Can you come out? Or can you do what you need to do so I can come in?" He paused. He had no idea what was going on, but he knew it was bad.

"No... I can't move." She sounded broken. Deeks heart was breaking.

"OK. You can't move and you've lost a lot of blood. But you don't want me to see you. What can I do? Do you want me to call Nell? Your mom?" He started, when she cried out

"NO! Don't call them. Don't call anyone. They can't see me like this..." Kensi sounded near hysterics. She was hyperventilating and Deeks was starting to panic.

"Kensi, it's ok. I'm here, and I'm going to wait until you're ready. But if you pass out, I'm going to have to call an ambulance. Do you want me to send in a paramedic or do you want me to come get you?" His heart broke when he heard her start to cry. "What if I close my eyes, or back in? Can I do that?" When she didn't reply, he started counting. If he made it to 100, he was calling Eric. At 89, she spoke.

"Grab the blanket from the couch. Close your eyes, throw it to the bed." In no time, he did exactly that, standing just inside her door with his hand over his eyes and his eyes closed.

"Now what?" He asked. He felt a bit ridiculous, but he would do anything he could to help his partner - and he knew she needed him right now. He wanted nothing more than to scoop her up in his arms and comfort her. But he stood, waiting for directions.

"Turn around, and open your eyes. I'm on the bed... Can you..." her voice trailed off.

"Anything, Kens, anything. Just ask." He said, his voice full of warmth and sadness

"Can you try to cover me without looking at me. Please... I can't let you see me." He did as asked - he slowly backed to the bed, and reached behind him to try to find her and the blanket. He found the blanket and tried to determine where Kensi was. As his body turned, he felt sick - he saw a rope tied to the bed frame, twitching as he felt movement behind him. He suddenly realized what was going on, as bile rose in his throat and anger surged through his body. He quickly pushed it down, and gently continued spreading the blanket as best he could without looking. Tears trickled down his face.

"It's ok. I'm here. Let's get you free."


	3. Chapter 3

Deeks looked around the room, doing his best to avoid looking at her until she was ready. He was searching for scissors, a knife - anything to cut her free. He stepped towards the nightstand, where he knew she kept her knife. As he approached, he saw it on the floor, covered in blood. He cursed under his breath.

"I'm grabbing something from the kitchen to cut you free. I'm not leaving you. I promise." He ran as fast as possible, not wanting her to be alone. He returned with a knife, and quickly cut the ropes holding her ankles. He still hadn't looked at the bed. He was waiting for her permission. "May I?" He asked, and her whispered yes was all he needed to whip around and cut the restraints on her wrists, and a number of ropes coming out from the sides of the blanket. As each rope was cut, she curled tighter into herself, hiding under the blanket. The moment she was free, he reached out for her but she shied away.

"More blankets" he heard her murmur, and he quickly went to the closet to grab them. He gently placed them over her. He briefly considered the need to preserve evidence - but seeing her broken form under mounds of blankets wiped everything from his mind but helping her.

"Let me get you some clothes" He said, realizing she was desperate to be covered. He found his track pants, tshirt and hoody in "his" drawer in her room, and took them to her. Somehow he knew this was what she would want to wear, and he was right. They vanished beneath the blankets and he heard her moan in pain as she dressed. He left a small amount of space between them - allowing her to come to him when she was ready. After what felt like an eternity, she reached a hand out to him, and snatched his hand up tightly. He squeezed gently and tried to keep his composure as he felt anger surge through him again. Whoever did this to his Kensi was going to pay.

Slowly, Kensi emerged from her cocoon and drew herself to Deeks. When he sensed she was ready, he gently picked her up and carried her to the couch - blankets and all. He pulled her into his lap, wrapping the blankets around her tightly, and he held her. She cried into his shoulder as he gently rubbed her back and whispered "I'm here. It's ok. I've got you."

He had no idea how much time passed when his phone rang. Of course, it was Nell, wanting to know what was going on. Kensi looked panicked, but he was able to reassure her with a look as he answered the phone.

"Yeah, I found Kensi. She's sick. I'm going to stay with her for the day. I'll call in later." He hung up quickly. "We can tell them when you decide you're ready. Right now, I just want to make sure you're ok. I'm not going anywhere." He held her as she seemed to calm down. "But I'm going to need to look at your injuries soon. You're bleeding through the blankets and you've lost a lot of blood already. Tell me when you're ready." She burrowed into his shoulder as she slowly shed the blankets.

"It's bad. It hurts." She whimpered. He saw stains forming around her breast, on her stomach, on her shoulder, on her thigh... It was too much. He gently moved the shirt away to expose her shoulder - the least offending location of the stains.

"We're going to need a first aid kit, unless you're ready for an ambulance?" When she shook her head, he went and retrieved the first aid kit from the bathroom, and set to work dressing the deep cut on her shoulder. Next he moved to her stomach, and carefully lifted the tshirt to expose a deep slice. He cleaned it carefully and then used butterfly bandages to try to close it neatly. He continued with her thigh, realizing that it would likely need stitches.

The stain around her breast was still growing. He knew it needed to be cleaned and bandaged, but he also knew how difficult this was going to be for her. He looked her in the eye and waited for the panic to subside. She nodded once, barely moving her head, and he lifted her shirt to reveal a vicious collection of stab wounds and slices. He had to fight back the urge to vomit, and the tears that threatened his vision. She shook as he gently cleansed the wounds and tried as best he could to stop the bleeding and bandage it up. As soon as he was done, he let her shirt fall back down and pulled her close to him as he cried into her hair.


	4. Chapter 4

Kensi was broken. She felt numb, yet panicked. She had prayed for Deeks to find her - but when he did, she was terrified to let him see her. But he gave her the space she needed and still managed to rescue her quickly.

And now she was wrapped in his arms, wearing his clothes, sobbing into him. She knew she needed to tell him what had happened but she couldn't find the words yet. No words could express how grateful she was that he didn't call an ambulance and didn't drag her to the hospital immediately. Even though she knew that she needed medical attention, she couldn't face anyone yet. She wasn't even sure she could face herself. But somehow, Deeks knew what she needed and for that she was grateful.

Finally, she managed to speak again. "I need to shower." She could feel her attacker's hands on her and she wanted to scrub the feeling away. She wanted to remove any trace of him from her, although she feared that was impossible after what he had done to her. She looked up at Deeks, but he gently shook his head.

"You can't. Not with those wounds. They'll get infected." She started to fight him, suddenly desperate to feel scalding water on her skin, but he held tight. "Let me help." He said. "You can sit by the tub and I'll help you wash around your injuries." She balked at the idea, not wanting him to see her naked, not like this, not after what had happened. But the need to get her attacker off her won out over the desire to hide herself from Deeks. She tried to stand up, but once again he scooped her up and carried her, much like one would carry a child. He set her on the side of the tub, and turned to get a cloth. She was frozen in place, unable to undress herself in his presence.

"I have an idea" He said. "I'll be right back." And he vanished to her room. When he came back, he had another change of clothes for her, and her bathrobe. He wrapped her in her robe, and she slipped the bloody clothing off without having to be exposed. He grabbed several towels and handed them to her. "You can stay covered. I understand." He said with empathy. "You've been through enough." She sighed in relief as he turned to wet the cloth with hot water and some of her body wash, then handed it to her. He did understand what she needed.

When she started to scrub her skin, he gently reached for her hand - keeping it over the towel under which she hid.

"Gentle." He said. "You're already hurt enough."

She wanted to lash out, hit him or scream that she NEEDED to scrub that awful man's touch off her. But she also knew that he was right and even if she took off her skin, she would still feel her attacker's touch. Her eyes must have conveyed all of this as he let go of her hand. She saw anger flash across his face for the hundredth time, and felt a small sense of comfort as she knew that when they caught the person who did this to her, he was going to suffer.


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's Note - I'm always amazed to get follows, favouites and reviews so quickly! Thank you. I've been working on a companion to this piece, but it won't be published until completion. This one, I feel, however lends itself better to being drawn out._

_Have faith in Deeks - he's a cop first, until Kensi came into his life. He would give up anything to protect her, even his instincts. But don't worry, he knows how to preserve evidence and he won't rest until her attacker pays. Right now, the only thing he cares about is protecting Kensi, and the focus of this is the aftermath of her trauma, not WHAT happened or how her attacker will be brought to justice._

_If this hits too close to home, or you find it triggering or difficult, please close this story and don't continue. It is going to get dark._

* * *

><p>As Kensi tried to scrub away the monster who had hurt her, Deeks felt helpless. He had stopped her from removing her skin - but that was the only thing he'd been able to do. She kept washing and washing. He gently reminded her to avoid her bandages, and to avoid hurting herself further. But it was all he could do. He couldn't wipe away what had happend to her. And while he didn't know what, exactly, that was - he had fears and an imagination running wild that he didn't dare to consider.<p>

As her desperate scrubbing seemed to slow, he spoke.

"I don't know what _yo_u're going through. I don't know what happened. But I DO know, that we need to catch the monster who did this to you. I know you're not ready for the team, for your home to be a crime scene, or to talk about what happened. I'll be patient, and wait until you're ready. But we are going to have to tell Hetty at some point, and we're going to have to let our friends start an investigation." He stopped as he saw the terror in her eyes.

"I'm not going to leave you alone. And I'm not going to let someone else take charge. This will be MY investigation, and I won't let anyone push you, Kens. I'll protect you." He knew that was part of the fear - being interrogated, and losing control of the situation. While he was nudging her, he was fully submissive to what she needed, and she knew that another investigator wouldn't handle it like he had. But he knew there was more to her terror. As the realization hit him, he choked.

"NO ONE is going to judge you. We're your family. No one will think less of you, Kens. This is NOT your fault." He was nearing tears. "I know you feel embarassed but you have nothing to be ashamed of. And if anyone so much as thinks otherwise, they'll have to answer to me." His sadness was turning to anger. "But they won't. Callen and Sam are going to be almost as angry as I am at the bastard who did this to you. No one is going to think less of you for even a microsecond."

She hated yet loved how he could see right through her. He knew her biggest fears, and he knew the right things to say. She trusted him, and she knew that she did. But she was still scared. How could she tell them what had happened overnight? How could she ever voice, to anyone, the torture she had endured? The words he said to her, the things he did to her, the complete humiliation she felt. And how would her team - her family, react to seeing her broken. They had barely even seen a crack in her armour, and this had rendered her completely shattered, feeling naked and defenceless. How could they trust her again if they saw that she was fragile? She hadn't noticed that she was shaking as tears continued to pour down her face, until Deeks carefully gathered her up and carried her back to the couch. He gently set her down, and then turned to the kitchen.

"You need to eat." He said simply, searching through her cupboards and freezer. Fortunately, he had made sure to stock them both last time he had visited, a few days ago. He grabbed a tub of ice cream from the freezer and scooped some into a bowl, adding M&Ms. He turned to a cabinet where he knew she kept painkillers and poured several into his hand. Then he sat down with her on the couch and offered them to her. She swallowed them dry, still shaking. Then he carefully spooned up a small bit of ice cream and fed it to her. He had no delusions that ice cream could fix anything, but he hoped it could be a small reminder of how well he knew her, and how much he cared.

She allowed herself to be fed, realizing just how low she had sunk. But she needed to be taken care of, and Deeks was the only person in the world she would consider allowing to do so. After the bowl was half finished, she knew she had to say something.

"OK." She whispered softly. "You're right. He needs to pay. But I'm not ready to face anyone." She paused, trying to keep from crying. "Can you... Can you do it for me?"

"Of course." He reassured her. "Anything for you. Anything."


	6. Chapter 6

When Kensi had finished her ice cream and almost appeared ok, Deeks knew it was time to call Hetty.

He sat down on the floor in front of the couch where Kensi was resting. He had put on some mindless TV for her to stare at, although he knew she wasn't taking any of it in. He sat so that he could watch her as he made his calls. He dialed Eric.

"Eric, it's Deeks. I need to talk to Hetty without the team around her. Can you make that happen for me? Yeah, I know it sounds serious. It kind of is. No, can't talk about it right now." He was silent for a few moments, watching Kensi stare blankly at the tv. He knew this was just the start for her, and it was going to get a lot harder. When he heard Hetty's voice, he spoke.

"Yes, it's Deeks. I know I called in earlier to say Kensi was sick, but that wasn't the entire truth. She's been attacked. Yes, I've taken care of her. I don't think the physical injuries are the worst of it. She's not ready to go to the hospital yet, and she's ok here for now. Look, I know this isn't my place, and if you're going to fire me for it, I'll take that - but this is MY investigation and I'M going to run it. Kensi needs this done a certain way or we're going to lose her." While he knew this might not be entirely true, he knew it was a threat that Hetty would take seriously. "Yes. Yeah. I know. But this is how it's going to have to work. Do you trust me, Hetty? OK, then that's how it will be." He turned away from the phone and looked intently at Kensi.

"Kens, do you want to talk to her?" When he saw her head violently shake back and forth he went back to the phone. "She's not ready yet. Yes, I know that. I'm making the decision for her, I'll take the blame." He was silent for a bit and Kensi could hear Hetty's voice over the phone. She wasn't sure what to make of his side of the conversation or the tone she heard from Hetty, but she had no strength or energy to try and figure it out. "Thank you" He spoke finally. Then he turned to Kensi.

"Someone is going to come and pick up the evidence. If you don't want them to come in, that's ok. I'll gather it up and take the pictures. It's your call. What are you ok with? Are you ready for someone else here?" She shook her head. "That's ok. Would you prefer Callen or Nell come to pick things up?" Kensi paused... Callen was her brother, but she wasn't sure she could face him yet. Nell was like a brilliant little sister and much more compassionate... but she couldn't handle the pity she knew Nell would offer. But she trusted Deeks would help her. "Nell" she spoke quietly. "I'm not ready for the rest to know." Deeks went back to his phone.

"Send Nell. But don't let her tell anyone where she's going or why. Kensi isn't ready for that yet." There was another pause "I'll take her to the hospital when she's ready. But forcing her now isn't going to do any good." Kensi was awed at how stubborn he was being on her behalf, starting to fully realize the risks he was taking by ordering their boss around. "OK, Thank you" he said, and he hung up the phone.

"Nell will be on her way over soon. I need to collect some things from your room. The evidence will be secured in Hetty's private storage area until we're ready to proceed. OK?" Deeks asked. She nodded. "OK, I'm going to need a bunch of evidence bags. And probably some gloves. I have some in my car. Are you ok while I go get them?" While every fiber in her being was screaming no, she nodded again. She followed him to the door and watched as he ran and grabbed what he needed then headed straight back.

"Kens, there's no easy way to do this. I'm going to have to take a lot of stuff from your room. If you don't want to see it, you're going to have to trust me and let me do it, ok? If you want to help, you can, but if you're not ready I understand." She was already starting to shake. He led her back to the couch and let her sit down. Grabbing a clean blanket, he gently wrapped it around her as she rested her head on a throw pillow. "It's ok to try to sleep if you can." He murmured gently. He wanted to stroke her hair but was afraid to startle her as she drifted off into her own little world. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm here. Just call out if you need me. She didn't reply as he slowly pulled on his gloves and walked to her room.

He started photographing and bagging evidence, trying to remain objective. Of course, he failed. Every drop of blood, every item out of place, felt like he was being stabbed. With each picture he took, he wondered what she had gone through and how she was still alive.

He took a deep breath, and picked up her knife to place in a bag. This was the hardest part for him. He knew that knife intimately. He knew the meaning behind it, why it was so valuable. And he had once been trusted with it. Now, that knife, such a significant symbol to her, had been used against her. It was covered in her blood and he wondered if she would ever want it back. He tried to find anything else to think about, but it was impossible.

He snapped a photo, then slowly, he gathered her bedding, including the blankets he had covered her with when he found her. Another photo. He bagged the rope that he had cut to free her. With each snap of the camera, he bagged different belongings from all over the room with her blood on them. Then he went to the bathroom.

Snap. He carefully bagged the washcloths she had used to try and scrub him away. Kensi may not have been aware, but each time she handed the cloth back to him, he set it aside and gave her a new one. Snap. He gently bagged the clothes he'd offered her - his clothes. Clothes now soaked with her blood. Snap. He carefully photographed, bagged and labelled the gauze he had use to clean her wounds. He had carefully laid it out as he'd cleansed her wounds so that any evidence trapped in them was preserved on the gauze. He shuddered as he was aware of the foreign substances he had cleansed off her, hoping she was unaware of them.

He couldn't hold it down any more, and he vomited violently several times .He didn't care about anything right now except finding this monster and torturing him until he begged for mercy - then torturing him more. Anyone who could do this to another human being - especially one as incredible as his partner - deserved to suffer. He was thinking of all the pain he could inflict on such a monster - when he was interrupted by her screams.


	7. Chapter 7

Deeks dropped the evidence bag in his hand and bolted for the living room, shedding his gloves. Kensi was sitting upright, still wrapped in the blanket. Her eyes were wide with fear and she was struggling for breath. Deeks quickly recognized the panic of a flashback, and sat directly in front of her.

"Kens, it's Deeks. I'm right here. It's just us. You're safe." He continued to reassure her, but waited until the panic subsided before touching her. He knew from experience that she could easily knock him out, and his own experience with PTSD had shown him how intense a flashback could be. As her breathing calmed and her eyes lost some of the panic she'd initially shown, he gently reached out and stroked her hand before wrapping it up in his. "You're safe." he murmured "you're safe."

As she came out of the panic attack, she felt foolish and embarassed. But the only person to see her was Deeks, and he wouldn't judge. She had seen him in the same state before, and remembered how much it had hurt her. Now, the roles were reversed, and she had to admit that both sides were awful. She looked up at him briefly, to see what he was thinking. All she saw was compassion. So she let him soothe her with his words and his hands.

A knock on the door interrupted them, and she startled. She reached out wildly searching for her gun, which Deeks had sensibly moved out of her reach. He calmed her down, reminding her that it was Nell, and she wouldn't come in without Kensi's permission. Kensi felt trapped. She didn't want to see anyone yet - but she didn't want to hurt her friend. The realization that Nell would hurt more seeing Kensi like this hit her like a ton of bricks, but also reminded her that her friends cared.

"She can come in." Kensi said slowly, her voice barely above a whisper. "But I'm not ready to talk." Deeks nodded, and went to the door. Instead of letting Nell come in, he stepped outside to speak with her. Gratitude didn't even begin to express what she was feeling. After a few minutes, Deeks returned with Nell. Kensi couldn't even bring herself to look up from the floor she was staring at. Deeks quietly escorted Nell to the kitchen, and returned a moment later with a box full of evidence bags.

"I need you to take this to Hetty." He said. "She knows what needs to be done with it."

Nell was reeling. Hetty had sent her to pick something up from Kensi's, but hadn't told her what was going on. She assumed it was paperwork for a case, but when she arrived, she knew something was wrong. Deeks had answered the door and then stepped out to speak with her before letting her in. She briefly wondered how sick Kensi was, or if what she had was quarantine worthy - but when she saw Deeks face, she knew there was a lot more going on.

Deeks quickly told her that he had come to check on Kensi and found her tied up with several stab wounds. He had cleaned and dressed her injuries when she refused to go to the hospital, and he would take care of her as long as she needed. She didn't want to see anyone, and she didn't want anyone to know about the attack yet. He had bagged and photographed all the evidence for an investigation, but would not be letting anyone talk to Kensi until she was ready. Nell took in his words and wondered what he wasn't telling her. When she stepped inside, though, she knew. This wasn't just a violent attack - it was more. And it had broken Kensi. Nell was shocked to see her beautiful friend curled in the fetal position on the couch, wrapped up tightly in a blanket despite the warm temperature. When Kensi didn't speak or look up, it confirmed Nell's fears. She knew that this attack had broken Kensi, and in order for something to break her this badly, it had been a lot more than a few stab wounds. She understood now why Deeks was acting so fierce.

She took the box of evidence, trying not to tear up when she saw everything coated in blood - a collection of ropes, sheets, pillowcases, blankets, clothes, the mass of gauze needed to clean her wounds, the stack of wash cloths each tagged with a number. Worst of all, though, was seeing Kensi's knife. Nell had never seen it in person, but she had heard of the significance of it. That someone had used this precious piece of Kensi's life to destroy her was beyond torture. A tear escaped her eye and trailed down her cheek.

She needed to help her friend, but didn't know how. She spoke up after a moment and said,

"Kensi, we're here for you. We love you and we would do anything for you. Whatever you need, it's yours. When you're ready, we'll be there." Kensi didn't speak, but she turned to look at Nell and nodded her appreciation. Nell knew how much effort that simple gesture had taken, and it gave her hope that Kensi was starting to find a tiny bit of fight in her.


	8. Chapter 8

Deeks was relieved when Nell left. It meant that someone could start processing evidence, even if it was done off the books. He hoped that the DNA results would come back with a hit so that he would know who had done this to his partner.

But solving this "case" was only a small piece of what he needed to do. What was far more important was helping Kensi recover and heal. He knew it would be a long process. And he feared she may never go back to who she was before. But he didn't care how long it took or how changed she was, he was going to be there for her every step of the way.

She had acknowledged Nell, which he felt was a good sign. But she had yet to talk about what happened, and he wasn't sure how long he should wait before starting to prod. He thought about asking Hetty to call Nate in - but he knew it was a ridiculous idea. Hetty would have already arranged that without being asked.

Kensi was still curled up in a ball with the blanket snugly wrapped around her. It had been a few hours since he dressed her wounds and he was starting to think about asking to check them again. He wanted to get her to the hospital to be examined, but he wasn't going to fight her or push her. He puttered around in the kitchen, tidying and preparing dinner for them. He had sent a text to his neighbour, asking her to take Monty. And he had received several texts from Sam, Callen and Eric asking how Kensi was feeling. As far as they knew, she was just a bit sick, so he had no idea how to reply to their messages. He opted for pretending his phone was off or he was too busy to reply.

He heard Kensi whimper in pain and he paused. She was sitting up now and looking around - not panicked but still timid. When she saw him there, she relaxed ever so slightly. He took this as an invitation to join her, so he walked over and sat next to her. After a few moments, she scooted closer to him and let herself collapse onto him. She clung to him like a life raft as tears spilled down her face again. When she finally spoke, it wasn't what he expected. Her voice was tiny and scared, much like a child. But the words haunted him.

"I think I need to be tested" She whispered. While she didn't spell it out, he knew what she was saying. She had been raped. And if that wasn't bad enough, she had to worry about what diseases this bastard might have given her. Deeks had already known this was the case, but hearing her admit it scared him. "I'm not ready." She whimpered. "I don't want to go, I can't go through that right now. It's too painful." He held her closer and nodded.

"We'll figure it out" he promised. "I'm not letting anyone take you until you're ready to go." She heaved a tiny sigh of relief, and continued to cry as he held her. She started to whisper in a voice so low he could barely make it out.

"I woke up and he was there. I must have been drugged, I don't know how, we're always so careful... I should have known better." She stopped talking as she cried harder. "But I woke up, and he was there... and I couldn't move. His eyes were so dark. And he had my knife... he held it to my throat as he told me what he wanted to do. I threw up and he just laughed... And he stabbed my shoulder." She shook in his arms, feeling the terror again. Deeks gently kissed her hair and rubbed her back lightly. She knew he wouldn't make her continue, but she felt she had to.

"Then there were two more of them. They just watched at first... as he cut my clothes off and threatened me with the knife, leaving welts on my skin. I was scared, Deeks. I don't get scared. But I was." She curled up even more tightly, wrapping her arms around herself. Her eyes darted all over the room, refusing to meet his, or linger in one spot too long. "Then he told them they could get me ready for him... he took the knife and left the room. Then they... one pried my mouth open and shoved himself inside. The other yanked my hair and told me if I tried anything he'd have his boss use the knife to teach me how to take it..." Deeks didn't need to be told what he'd meant.

"They took turns at first but when they thought I was going to cooperate, then one of them was in my mouth and the other inside me. I couldn't stop crying but they laughed and said I was lucky..." She choked on her tears. "I didn't fight. Why didn't I fight?" She suddenly cried out. "I'm supposed to be a fighter."


	9. Chapter 9

He wished he had an answer for her. He had his suspicions that she had been drugged, but he would have to wait on confirmation from the lab. He knew there was more than enough blood on her clothes that it could be tested. His uncertainty was whether or not he should tell her this. Would it cause her more panic, or would it ease her mind a bit to know it wasn't her fault? But he knew he didn't have time to think - she needed him to say something, anything, reassuring.

"He had a knife. You were bound. Kensi, look" he said, gently taking her hands and holding them for her to see, "look at your wrists. You DID fight. And you fought hard, or you wouldn't have these marks." He carefully brought one hand to his face and kissed the inside of her wrist, which was bruised and rubbed raw. Then he repeated this with the other wrist. "You didn't do this willingly. Don't blame yourself. It is NOT your fault."

Kensi remained silent, but Deeks hoped that she would start to believe him. In the meantime, he would be there to listen and reassure her.

It wasn't long before the timer on the oven made a loud PING, and he quietly got up to remove their dinner from the oven. Normally, even the thought of food would perk Kensi up, but he knew this was not "normally" or anything resembling it. He carefully placed two pieces of homemade pizza on a plate for her, and got two for himself as well. He went to the fridge and debated if beer was what she needed right now, and decided instead that they would both be better off with a glass of Ginger Ale for now.

He sat down next to her and offered her the plate and glass. She eventually reached for them, setting the glass beside her and the plate in her lap, but made no motion towards eating. Deeks watched her with concern.

"I know you don't feel like it, but you need to eat, Princess." he said. "I slaved long and hard over that stove of yours making that for you, you know," he added playfully. It had the desired effect, and she shot him a weak smile and took a bite. She knew he was right, she did need to eat. While she didn't inhale it with her usual enthusiasm, it wasn't long before the pizza on her plate was gone, and she asked him for more. He broke out into a real grin. "I told you I was a good chef."

Kensi appreciated that he was trying to give her some normalcy, and the pizza was pretty good. She knew he had made it because she loved pizza but wasn't ready to have a delivery person knocking at her door. For that, she was even more grateful. With food in her stomach, she was starting to feel a brief return to herself. She stood up and retrieved the TV remote, and switched over to the DVD player. Deeks understood the silent message, and found her Titanic DVD and put it in the player. Then he gathered up their dishes and washed up while popcorn cooked on the stovetop. He then joined her on the couch with popcorn and settled in as they would any other night. Not long into the movie, she was cuddled into his lap, with his arms protectively wrapped around her. They stayed that way until there was a knock at the door.

Kensi jumped and looked terrified. Any tension she had released had returned tenfold. Deeks cursed under his breath as he got up to see who was there, while Kensi had curled up in a ball under the blanket once again. When he saw who was there, Deeks growled, and then turned to Kensi.

"It's Callen. He probably just wants to see how you're doing. Do you want me to let him in, or ask him to leave?" He asked Kensi. She relaxed slightly, but seemed uncertain. She knew if Callen came in, he would know what was wrong. But if Deeks turned him away, he would know something was up and wouldn't stop pushing until he got an answer. She sighed loudly.

"You can let him in."

Deeks opened the door. Callen stood there, looking worried. Before he stepped inside, Deeks spoke.

"She's not in great shape right now. Go easy on her. Be gentle," he said. Callen looked confused but nodded as he stepped in.

"Hi Kens. Hetty told us you were feeling sick. I just wanted to check in on you, and bring you this," he said, holding up a tub of ice cream. "Deeks wasn't answering my calls or texts, so I just stopped by," he started. As he got closer and saw the look on Kensi's face, he knew instantly that something else was wrong. "What happened?" he asked. Deeks could see his temper flaring as Callen turned to face him. "What happened to her?" he demanded. Kensi visibly cowered, shocking Callen. He realized his reaction was out of line but he couldn't take it back. "Are you ok, Kensi?" he tried again. Deeks answered him.

"She will be, but it's gonna take some time. She wasn't ready to see anyone yet," he explained. Then Kensi spoke up.

"But when you showed up... I couldn't send you away. I know you care. I'm just not ready to talk about it," she whispered. A look of realization crossed Callen's face. He figured she had the flu at worst, but he knew from her face that illness was just a cover. Kensi, someone he loved as a sister, had been attacked. And it had been bad.

Callen knew that a physical attack wouldn't have left Kensi like this. She could easily take on a man twice her size, and endure a beating better than anyone on the team. This was worse. This scared woman in front of him looked like she had had the life drained from her, she was just a shell of the Kensi he had worked with only yesterday. He sunk down into a chair. Deeks had returned to the couch with Kensi, not worrying or caring what Callen would think.

"I found her this morning. She has four stab wounds. I cleaned and bandaged them up, and she can get stitches when she's ready to go to the hospital. Nell was here earlier and picked up all the evidence. It's being processed off the books for now. And yes, I know this is against all the rules. But Kensi trusted me, and I chose to do what she needed instead of what procedure says," Deeks said, trying to keep emotion out of his voice. He could see the anger on Callen's face. Then Kensi spoke up.

"I made him do it, Callen. I couldn't face the team. I can't go to the hospital. I just, I need time." Her voice sounded more scared as she spoke. "Please, don't blame Deeks." After a period of silence, Callen spoke.

"You did the right thing, Deeks. You took care of her. That's what matters. But when we find the jackass that did this, I'm going to kill him," he said.


	10. Chapter 10

Deeks held Kensi close, and felt a wave of relief flow over him as Callen said he'd done the right thing. He had known it all along, but was afraid of the team's reaction. Hearing Callen's approval, he no longer had to worry about getting the crap beaten out of him by Sam and Callen. He was still concerned about Hetty's reaction, but was prepared for whatever punishment she was prepared to dole out.

Kensi had relaxed a bit as well, which Deeks took as a good sign. He leaned down and whispered,

"Do you want me to chase him away?" A slight shake of the head was her response, so Deeks sat back and let Callen stay.

Callen was reeling. As he sat, watching Deeks comfort Kensi, he tried to process his thoughts. He had seen Kensi's wrists were raw, bruised and bloody, and her utter brokenness spoke the rest. He knew she had been violated, and nothing could make him angrier. He was angry with himself for not being able to protect her. He was angry with Deeks for keeping this from him. And most of all, he felt rage towards the monster that could do this to her. He had a million questions to ask, but he knew Kensi wasn't ready to be interrogated. He decided he would ask Deeks as soon as he could, but not at the expense of Kensi's comfort. He knew he should speak up and say something, but he was still trying to control the anger flaring up in him. When he looked back at Kensi and Deeks, though, all the anger melted and he just felt sadness.

"I'm so, so sorry, Kensi. Tell me how I can help." He said, making his way over to her. He sat on the floor, not wanting to tower over her. Her voice was shaky as she spoke.

"You can tell the team. I can't. And I need Deeks here with me." She said. "But when we find them, they're mine. I get the first shot at them." Her voice sounded stronger as she said this, and he could see some of her fire.

"Done" Callen replied. "Can I get you anything? Deeks, do you need anything from home? Or do you guys need anything picked up?" He asked, determined to help any way he could. He failed to notice the blush rising on Deeks' face.

"Um, I think I have everything I need here for a few days, and my neighbour is taking care of Monty." Deeks responded. He hoped Callen wouldn't question why Deeks kept spare clothes at Kensi's place. "But I can give you a list of a few things to pick up." He added. He quickly grabbed a piece of paper and jotted down a list. "Kens, is there anything you want?" He asked. She shook her head.

Callen took the list, and nodded. "I'll be back in an hour or so. Message me if you can think of anything else." He said, pausing. "Do you want me to tell the team tonight, or wait until tomorrow? You know they'll want to see you. But I'm sure your guard dog here will keep out any unwanted guests." Callen gestured towards Deeks. "I think he's determined enough, he could even take Sam on right now." He added, seeing a brief glimpse of Kensi's smile.

"Do what you think is best" she said. She felt bad keeping her friends, really her family, at arm's length. But she knew she wasn't ready to face them yet, and she was exhausted. "But no more visitors tonight."

"OK." he agreed. "Deeks, take care of her." He ordered, knowing it was unnecessary. Deeks was already in full blown momma bear mode. If anyone was going to keep Kensi safe, it was him. With that, Callen left.

As he sat in his car, he felt the overwhelming urge to punch something. Instead, he looked over the list Deeks had given him. Twinkies. A specific type of chocolate, that he knew Kensi loved. Strawberries. First aid supplies, including gauze and butterfly bandaids as well as antiseptic. More tylenol and advil. Extra blankets. And the last thing on the list was a giant chocolate milkshake from Kensi's favourite stand by the beach. He knew he would get that last, on his way back. Everything was self explanatory. He headed out to the closest store to get everything on the list.

When he had finished and was back in the car, he instinctively turned the list over. He realized Deeks had written on the back as well. His blood boiled when he read it.

Three attackers. Her father's knife. Tied wrists, ankles and waist to bed. Run tox screen. Multiple rapes. Check gauze and bedding for DNA. Needs STI/pregnancy screening.

Callen swore again. He needed to get Kensi's milkshake and drop off everything on the list. Then he was going to call Sam.


	11. Chapter 11

When Callen returned, he was rewarded with a smile from Kensi as he gave her the milkshake. She looked more relaxed than she had earlier, but was still just a shell of herself.

He brought the rest of the items to the kitchen, intending to speak privately with Deeks for a few moments. As Kensi settled back into the couch with her milkshake, watching Titanic again, Deeks caught Callen's eye and joined him. He pulled out his wallet and handed Callen some money for the shopping he'd done, but Callen refused. "It was the least I could do" he said quietly. Then he held out his hand to Deeks, who wasn't surprised when Callen handed him a note.

Will call Sam tonight. Update me in the morning, I'll brief the team. We're going to catch them. I'll deal with Hetty.  
>Called in a favour with a friend - female doctor will make house calls. 598 555 4682. She's waiting for your call - will be available any time.<p>

Deeks shot Callen a grateful look and mouthed "Thank you" to him. He grabbed a package of twinkies from the box, and returned to the couch with Kensi. Callen headed to the door.

"Good night, Kens. Let me know if you need anything or you're up to seeing us tomorrow." He said, standing at the door.

"Thanks, Callen, for everything" she said. He slipped out the door. She took another sip of her milkshake. Then she turned to Deeks and said "Thank you, too. I'd be lost without you." She paused, trying not to cry. Instead, she found herself stretching out on the couch, leaning back into Deeks arms, and yawning.

"You're tired." He observed. "You need to sleep." He reached down and grabbed one of the new blankets that Callen had gotten, and draped it over her. "Close your eyes. I've got you." He whispered. And she did just that.

Deeks looked down at her. He was glad to see some sparks of her coming back, but he hated that she was still so skittish. He hoped that some rest would help a bit, but he was fully prepared for nightmares. He pulled out his phone, and sent a message to the number that Callen had given him. He didn't know how much detail Callen had gone into, but expected it would be enough. He wanted to let the doctor know that Kensi was going to sleep for now, but he'd like her to see someone in the morning if she feels ready. Once again, he sighed, feeling the full weight of what had happened. He carefully shifted Kensi's weight a bit, and leaned back to try and get some rest. He expected it would be a long night.

Deeks was shocked awake a few hours later, realizing that it wasn't Kensi having a nightmare, but himself. She seemed to be sleeping peacefully, but he had jolted awake with his heart racing. While he couldn't remember what had scared him, he knew it was related to his fear of losing the person who meant most to him - the beautiful woman sleeping in his arms. He was so grateful that she was still there, but he was still scared that he had lost part of her. She must have felt his anxiety, because she stirred and looked up at him. He could feel her reading his mind.

"It's ok, go back to sleep" he whispered to her. She opened her mouth to argue, but he placed his finger over her lips. "Sleep." He said. And they both settled back and dozed off.

The faintest bit of light was starting to creep through the windows when Kensi woke screaming. Deeks bolted awake and tried to calm her by wrapping his arms around her. He quickly realized the mistake he'd made when she slammed him to the ground, knocking the wind out of him. He lay there stunned for a moment, as Kensi screamed while pinning him in place. He wasn't going to fight back, so he forced his body to go limp, and spoke quietly but firmly.

"Kens, you're ok. It's just me, it's Deeks. No one is going to hurt you. It's just us here. You're safe." He continued until something snapped, and she scrambled off him, crying. "Kens, it's alright. You're safe." He reassured her. She had retreated and was curled up, still crying.

"I thought you were him." She whimpered. "God, I'm so sorry. Are you hurt? I didn't hurt you, did I?" She looked more panicked at the idea of hurting him than she had at the nightmare.

"No, I'm all good. That'll teach me to try and hug you when you don't want it. Just a bit winded, but it's not a big deal." He said. She looked at him warily, unsure if he was being honest. She had been fighting back with all her strength and something told her he was in a lot more pain than he let on. But he interrupted her thoughts before she could get too lost in them. "Do you want to talk about the nightmare?" He asked gently.


	12. Chapter 12

"No" She said. She wasn't ready to even think about it, let alone talk about it. And she was concerned about her partner - he still hadn't gotten up off the floor, where she had pinned him. "Are you sure you're ok?" She asked.

"Yeah, yeah, all good" He tried to grin. "But next time you do that, maybe we'll use a gym mat?" He was refusing to let her see just how much pain he was in. She reached down to offer him a hand up, which he gladly took - but he groaned as she helped pull him to a sitting position. "Do you want to try and get some more rest, or do you want me to make breakfast?" He asked, hoping to distract her. She studied him carefully, still looking concerned. "Callen got strawberries... I can make pancakes." He said. That sealed it - when he saw her smile, he hauled himself up and wandered into the kitchen. He put on the coffee, downed a couple Tylenol, then started making pancakes.

Kensi was still huddled on the couch when the coffee was ready, so he poured her a mug and brought it over to her. She took it and forced a smile, but he could see she was lost in thought. He promised himself he wouldn't discuss anything difficult until they had finished eating, but he was tempted to ask if she was ready to see a doctor. Instead, he returned to the kitchen and finished cooking.

He prepared two plates with pancakes, topped with strawberries, syrup, and powdered sugar. With a quick grin, he added some of the ice cream Callen had brought the night before, then he grabbed two forks and went back to the couch. Kensi was still holding her coffee, but seemed a million miles away. She didn't acknowledge Deeks, or the food he had made. He wasn't going to risk startling her again, so he returned the plates to the kitchen, then sat on the couch beside her.

"Hey Kens, want to talk about it?" He asked her. She didn't respond or acknowledge him. "Kensalina?" He called a bit louder. She still didn't respond. He was unsure if she had fallen asleep with her eyes open or if she was having a flashback. He was hesitant to touch her, lest he end up flat on his (already sore) back again. But he wanted to help her snap out of it. After a minute, he gently put his hand on her coffee cup and slid it out of her hands and onto the coffee table. Then he put his hands on hers and tried again. "Kensi? You ok?" His touch worked. She jumped, and took a swing at him, but he saw it coming and ducked.

"We might need to work on this." He said to himself. "What's up, Kens? You were lost there for a few minutes." He asked her. She looked surprised, but didn't know what to say.

"I guess I just zoned out." She said, writing it off. As the smell of pancakes hit here, she looked around for breakfast. Deeks laughed a bit, and retrieved their plates. The ice cream had started melting, but she didn't seem to mind. She actually dug into it with some enthusiasm. He was relieved to see her eating and even enjoying her food.

"So..." Deeks started, hesitant about her reaction. "Callen gave me the number of a doctor last night. She does house calls, and she's free any time today. I was thinking, if you're up to it, she could come and take a look to see if you need stitches, and make sure your wounds are ok?" He stopped, giving her time to think. He knew the doctor would be able to do any testing Kensi needed as well, but wanted it to be her decision, made without pressure from him. "Do you think you'd be up for that later this morning?" He asked, as he cleaned up their dishes. He was about to pour her another coffee, but decided against it - it would only make her more anxious.

Kensi was trying to process her thoughts. She was terrified of having someone she didn't know around her. But she knew she needed to get her stab wounds checked by a professional and likely stitched up. And as scared as she was to explain what had happened, she knew there were other issues that needed to be dealt with. Finally, she made up her mind that she needed to be strong, and get this done. And she would give herself the rest of the day to deal with things.

"I guess... that would be ok" She said. Deeks nodded with a bit of relief.

"I'll make sure she comes a bit later, so you have some time." He said. Then he messaged the doctor and asked her to come around 10 am. "The other thing, is that you know Callen will be telling the team this morning. And they're going to want to see you. But it's entirely your choice. If you want them to leave you alone, I won't let them in, ok? They're going to have a lot of questions, but you don't have to answer until you're ready." He said. She looked like she was going to cry again, so he came back to the couch, scooped her into his lap and hugged her close. "It's gonna be ok" he reminded her, "We all just want to make sure you're ok. And I won't let anyone hurt you."

She knew he was right, but she couldn't help feeling stressed and anxious. She was also starting to feel exhaustion setting in again, so she grabbed the blanket and pulled it over herself again. Looking back at Deeks, she slid down, hoping to allow him a bit more room. He stretched out behind her, getting the hint.

"You're right. I think we could both use some more sleep." He said. They both stretched out, spooning on the narrow couch and sharing a pillow. Deeks wrapped his arms around her so she wouldn't slip off, and she turned and buried her face in his neck.

"Thank you" she whispered as she drifted off.


	13. Chapter 13

As Nell drove back, her thoughts were a whirlwind. She was worried about Kensi - more worried than she had ever been before. Kensi was strong - arguably, the strongest member of the team. Nell had believed her to be unbreakable. So seeing her today, hadn't just hurt her to the core, it left her shattered. It was impossible to believe that the figure huddled under the blankets was the same friend with whom she had shared drinks last night. As Nell thought of last night, she felt cold terror pierce through her - Kensi had been attacked after having drinks with Nell. It could have just as easiliy been her - and she knew she wasn't as strong as Kensi. These thoughts had her feeling sick as she arrived at OSP.

She grabbed the box of evidence, making sure it was closed, then rushed inside. She left the box on Hetty's desk, and wished she could leave all memory of it there as well. She had seen the contents - blood soaked clothes, blankets and gauze, and Kensi's knife, still coated in her own blood. Hetty watched her carefully as she set it down, then took a sip of tea.

"How is Ms. Blye?" She asked, knowing from Nell's state that it wasn't good. Nell took a breath and said,

"It's bad, Hetty. I've never seen her like this. It broke her."

"I see. Take a few minutes to yourself, dear." She told Nell, gesturing to the second cup of tea on her desk. "Take this with you."

Nell took the cup of tea gratefully and found a quiet corner to sit and gather her thoughts as she sipped the tea. As she finished, she remembered that she still had the chip from Deeks camera with her. She rushed up to Ops and tossed it in her drawer, locking it up as quickly as she could. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

When Eric came in, he could see she was preoccupied. She didn't notice as he came up beside her, and startled when he spoke.

"Hey, you ok?" He asked.

"Yeah, fine." She replied, unconvincingly.

For the remainder of the day, Eric worried about his partner as she seemed more and more distracted. He tried baiting her with opportunities to make fun of him, and distracting her with every video and game he could think of, but she remained oblivious to his efforts and lost in thought.

When the day was finally over and they were walking out, Eric tried again.

"Are you ok, Nell? You're not yourself today. You've been acting off since you ran that errand for Hetty at lunch. Do you want to talk about it?"

Nell sighed. "I want to Eric, but I can't. It's just one of those Hetty things, got me anxious, you know?"

It was Eric's turn to sigh. "Yeah, I get it. Is there anything I can do to help?" He asked. "Want to grab a beer?"

Nell took a deep breath, and before she could change her mind she blurted out,

"Can I come home with you tonight?" Eric was stunned. Seeing his look of shock, she clarified "I can sleep on the floor. I just don't want to be alone." Eric nodded, glad that he could be there to comfort her, even if she couldn't tell him what was going on.

"Not a problem. You can have the bed." He said. "Do you need to pick anything up at your place?" He asked. She thought for a moment, but decided against going home. She was still feeling anxious. Instead, she asked to stop by a 24 hour box store. She quickly grabbed a pair of pajamas, a travel pack of toiletries and a case of beer, and met Eric back at the car. Holding up the beer, she said,

"It's been a long day. I thought we this might help us unwind." Eric smiled, and agreed. They stopped once more to pick up dinner, and then headed to his place.

"Sorry about the mess" he apologized, as he moved his surfboards. "I'll sleep on the couch, and you can have the bed tonight." He flicked on the tv, and they settled down on the couch to watch TV and eat. He could tell Nell was still brooding, but knew better than to push her to share. If she could tell him, she would have done so already. It still bothered him to see her hurting.

"Anything I can get for you?" He asked, knowing he couldn't ask what was on her mind.

"No, not really." She replied. "Letting me stay here is already enough." They sat in silence together watching TV and enjoying their drinks. After finishing her third beer, Nell spoke up. "I'm really tired, and we have work tomorrow. I think it's time for bed." Eric stood up with her and tidied up their empty containers while she went to his room and changed. He had started to set up his bed on the couch when Nell returned. She rolled her eyes at him and said,

"Don't be ridiculous. Your bed is big enough for both of us. Just keep your hands to yourself." Eric stared at her, sure his jaw was scraping the ground, before he came to his senses and managed to mumble out,

"Are you sure?!"

"Yes" She said as she turned away. Under her breath she added "I just don't want to be alone."

As they crawled into bed, Nell turned to thank him for letting her stay the night.

"Anything for you." He whispered. "Sleep well." Knowing full well that neither one of them would have a sound night's sleep.

When they woke in the morning, both of them had expected things to be awkward, but they were surprised and relieved that it had felt quite natural. Over the course of the night they had gravitated closer, with Nell finally resting her head on Eric's chest while he wrapped his arm around her. It had offered her the comfort she had so badly needed, without straying into awkward territory.

Eric typically woke early to surf, but he had allowed himself to sleep in today. He loved the feeling of waking up with Nell in his arms - and strangely felt relieved that everything between them had remained platonic. He didn't want her to feel he had taken advantage of her when she was feeling down.

Once fully awake, they had taken turns showering and dressing for the day. Eric made coffee while Nell prepared breakfast, and they headed in to OSP early, intending to get a head start on their work for the day.

"Hey" Eric said "Do you think Kensi and Deeks will be back today?" He asked. Nell paled and turned away quickly as she mumbled

"I doubt it."


	14. Chapter 14

Callen had decided against calling Sam when he left Kensi's. As much as he wanted to tell his partner, so he would have someone to talk to, he decided it was better for everyone to wait until the morning. He had a restless night and didn't sleep much, and he gave up on sleep well before dawn and went in to work. He spent some time in the gym, beating on the punching bag, but didn't find it as satisfying as his partner did. He went back to his desk to finish up paperwork, which kept him occupied until the others started trickling in.

Hetty was first to arrive. When she came in, she looked mildly surprised to see him - but gave him space and went up to her desk, knowing he would come talk to her when he was ready. And she was right. She had just poured herself her first cup of tea, when he came up and said he needed to talk.

"Is this about Ms. Blye?" She asked, knowing full well it was.

"Yeah. How much do you know?" He asked.

"Mr. Deeks seems quite adamant that this will be his investigation, and is keeping us at arm's length for the moment" She started. "But I reviewed the evidence that came in yesterday and I believe I have an idea of what happened." Callen sighed, and handed Hetty the note that Deeks had scribbled for him on the back of the shopping list. She read it silently, her lips tightening.

"I went to drop off some ice cream for Kensi last night, figured if she were sick it might help. Deeks answered the door and looked ready to kill someone. They let me in, but she's a mess. I've never seen her like this, all her fight is gone. She's just a shell." He stopped, remembering how timid and scared she had looked last night. "Deeks gave me a short list of stuff to pick up, with that note on the back. I got a small smile out of her when I dropped off the milkshake he requested... but she's not Kensi. Whatever happend to her, it broke her."

Hetty had listened quietly. When she saw the evidence come in, she had her suspicions about the assault. By the way Deeks was behaving, and Nell's report, she knew Kensi was in a bad place - but to hear Callen confirm it, and to read what Deeks had written, made her feel ill. She was aware of how protective Deeks was of his partner, and she knew that finding her like this was going to damn near destroy him too. She was glad she had already recalled Nate and he was on his way there. She waited to see if Callen had any more to add to what he had said. When he didn't, she spoke.

"I had a look at the evidence that Nell retrieved. I believe we will need to collect more, but we have the essentials for now. It has been sent for processing, but if you would like to review the photos, I will make them available. There are none of Ms. Blye, as Mr. Deeks felt it would be detrimental to all involved. I assume they have approved you telling us about this?" She asked. His nod was her confirmation. "Then I will have you do so when everyone is here." She said "At which point we can begin an investigation - although Mr. Deeks has made it quite clear we will do things his way, and I have no intention of arguing with him. I believe he is correct that if this is not handled properly, we may lose Ms. Blye as an agent - and Mr. Deeks as well." She stopped, with a sad look on her face. "We need to deal with this quickly and cautiously, Mr. Callen. We cannot afford to lose Ms. Blye. Follow Mr. Deeks lead - but make sure we can catch these miserable bastards."

They were interrupted as the main door swung open, and Eric and Nell came in. Nell looked anxious, and Eric was watching her with concern, Callen observed. When Nell saw Callen and Hetty speaking, she knew they were in for a very difficult day, but couldn't help feeling relief that she could now share her feelings with Eric.  
>When Eric saw Hetty and Callen speaking, he felt a sinking feeling. First Kensi calls in sick and Deeks doesn't come back to work. Then Nell is keeping a secret that's destroying her, and now Callen and Hetty are deep in conversation, both looking grim. But he knows enough to keep his mouth shut, as he follows Nell up to Ops.<p>

Sam came in last - although he was still an hour early. He had intended to spend some time in the gym, and catching up on paperwork to make up for being two agents down. When he saw everyone had arrived and was looking grim, he knew he wasn't going to the gym first. He exchanged a look with Callen, and they headed up to Ops with Hetty close behind.

When they walk in, Eric immediately turned and directed his attention to Hetty. Nell turned as well, but couldn't bring herself to look up.

"I'm afraid that we have a situation" Hetty began "Yesterday, three men broke into Ms. Blye's house and assaulted her. Mr. Deeks found her when she didn't show up for work. At her request, we waited until now to brief you." She said. Then Callen took over.

"Kensi's in bad shape. But she doesn't want to see anyone at the moment, and we need to respect that. They used her father's knife to threaten her, and she received four stab wounds, all of which were serious. All three sexually assaulted her, but we do not have details and may not get them." He could see Sam was barely containing his rage, and gave him a look. "Deeks gathered evidence to be processed, and it's being done now. When Kensi is ready, someone will need to go back to collect and process the rest of it. Deeks did take photos for us to use, which Nell was to keep secure until now - but they are only of evidence, not of Kensi herself." Eric turned to Nell with a look of shock as he realized that she had been the one to retrieve the evidence, and had kept this to herself. No wonder she had been struggling so much - she had known what happened and wasn't allowed to talk about it. She kept herself blank as she handed him the chip with the photos on it. She hadn't reviewed them herself yesterday, knowing she wouldn't be able to keep herself together. Callen continued. "These pictures are going to be difficult to look at. For now, we need to forget that Kensi was involved and try to be objective. We need to be able to solve this quickly." He said.

When Eric started loading the pictures, they all froze. Nell's hand flew to her mouth as she gasped, prompting Eric to reach over and place his hand on her arm. The bloody knife, the rope, the bedding - it was too much. Nell quietly started to cry, and Sam stormed from the room. Callen followed Sam out, and Eric gathered Nell in his arms as she quietly cried into his chest. Before Hetty left, she turned to Eric and said:

"Do what needs to be done to catch these bastards. I don't care if it's legal. You have my permission to do anything necessary to bring them to justice." And she left quickly.

Eric closed the images on the screen so they didn't have to look at them. Nell had allowed him to hold her as her quiet tears had turned to sobs. He was unsure what to do, but he let her cry and gently stroked her hair.

"We're going to catch them, Nell. I promise. And you know that we'll make them pay." He reassured her.

"I know." She whispered. "But I'm scared we won't get Kensi back. How can anyone recover from this?" She asked him.

"I don't know." He replied. He didn't know if anyone could. "But if anyone can, it's Kensi. And she's got all of us to help her." He said. Nell nodded, knowing he was right. "And you're staying at my place until they're caught" he added as he suddenly realized why she was reluctant to return home. She allowed herself a few more moments of comfort before she sat up and said,

"OK, then let's get to work."

Callen followed Sam as he made his way to the gym. And he stood aside while he watched his partner beat the crap out of the bag. When Sam hit the punching bag so hard that it split, and the chain holding it broke, Callen stepped in.

"It's not going to help her." He said. "She needs us to focus on finding the monsters who did this to her." Sam stepped back.

"I know. But what the hell, G. When did you know, and why didn't you tell me?" He asked, still angry.

"Last night, I went to drop off some ice cream because we thought she was sick." Callen explained. "I picked up some stuff that Deeks asked for, and when I dropped it off she was ready to sleep. I was going to call you, but she needs her space and I knew you'd want to go over there as soon as you knew. And she doesn't want to see us right now."

"We're family. We need to be there for her" Sam said, kicking the bag on the floor.

"I know. But she's not ready, Sam. I saw her face - she was terrified when I came in. And Deeks was acting like a damn pitbull, ready to pitch me out of there without hesitation the moment she said the word. We're gonna have to wait for her to come to us, as hard as that is." Callen knew he was right, but he also knew Sam wouldn't want to hear them.

"Fine." Sam said. "Fine. But I'm going to murder the men that did this to her. They don't deserve a trial."

"I'm with you on that one. But Kensi made me promise she gets first dibs." Callen replied

"I guess I can live with that..." Sam agreed. "But they're not getting away with this." He gave the sad punching bag one last kick, and then they went back up to Ops to develop a plan.


	15. Chapter 15

Deeks was startled awake by Kensi bolting upright and screaming. He knew better than to touch her, so he quickly hopped off the couch and gave her a little bit of space.

"It's ok Kens. It's Deeks, I'm here for you. No one is going to hurt you. I won't let them. You're safe." He repeated. It didn't take long for her to fully wake up, but when she did, she started sobbing. He pulled her in for a hug, rubbing her back and kissing her forehead. "It's ok Kens. We're gonna get you through this." He promised. He hated to see her like this, but was glad he could be there for her. She had stopped crying, but lay listlessly on his chest while he ran his fingers through his hair, wondering how he could help her.

The quiet knock at the door startled them both. Deeks glanced at the clock, and realized it must be the doctor.

"That will be the doctor. Are you ok if I let her in, or do you want me to ask her to come back later?" He asked Kensi.

"Let her in... might as well get this over with." Kensi sighed.

Deeks went to the door, and was surprised at the woman in front of him. She wasn't what he expected - but then again, this was a friend of Callen's. She was dressed in jeans and a pink tshirt with lace sleeves and a picture of a kitten on the front. She had a large purple backpack slung over one shoulder.

"Hi! I'm Lindsey. You must be Deeks. Callen let me know you'd answer the door. Is Kensi up for my visit or should I come back in a bit?" She asked cheerfully.

"No, she said now is fine. Come on in." Deeks told her.

Kensi was still curled up on the couch, wrapped in the blanket that seemed to have become her security. Lindsey walked over and sat on the floor in front of her.

"Hi Kensi, I'm a friend of Callen's. He told me you might be better with a house call so you don't have to deal with people at the hospital. I work in the emergency department, so I should be able to take care of whatever you need. I brought everything I thought we might need." She said. "I'm not in a rush to go anywhere, so we can take all the time you need, ok? I know you've been through the ringer and the last thing you need is pressure from me. OK?" Kensi nodded. She was feeling at ease with Lindsey, even though she had never met her before.

"I guess the first issue is the, uh, cuts. Deeks cleaned them up but he thinks they might need stitches." She said slowly. "And you need to check Deeks out - he won't admit it but his back is killing him. He hit the floor kind of hard last night..." She stopped, not wanting to admit it was her fault.

"Sounds good" Lindsey said. "How about I start with Deeks, then, and we'll take a look at your injuries when you're ready." She turned to Deeks and motioned for him to come over. "Shirt off!" Lindsey said a bit playfully. Deeks turned his back to Kensi as he took his shirt off, not wanting her to see what he was sure was a lot of bruising. As Lindsey ran her hands over his shoulder blade, he tensed with pain.

"Looks like you've got some bruising, but nothing a sling and some painkillers won't fix." She grabbed a bottle out of her backpack and shook two small white pills into his hand. "Take these, and then we'll pop the sling on you. OK?" He went to grab a glass of water from the kitchen, and Lindsey followed him. Kensi was staring at the blank TV, not paying much attention. As he filled his glass, Lindsey leaned over and whispered. "I hate to say this, but I think you've cracked your shoulder blade. It will need an xray, and I want you in the sling for at least 4 weeks. I didn't want Kensi worrying though. I'm guessing from her 'explanation, she threw you to the floor in a panic, am I right?" Deeks was shocked at how perceptive she was, and nodded. He wondered just how much Callen had told her about them.

"Thank you for that. I knew it hurt like hell, but I wasn't going to let her know that. She's got enough to deal with right now..." He trailed off. Then he knocked back the two pills, as Lindsey drank a glass of water as well. They went back to Kensi, who was still staring at the TV.

"Kens, do you want me to turn it on for you?" Deeks asked. She shook her head.

"No, it's ok..." She replied. She looked at Lindsey and said "I guess it's my turn now."

"Only if you're ready" Lindsey said. "If it will help, I have some anti anxiety pills you can take if you'd like?" But Kensi shook her head. She unwrapped the blanket from around her, and said

"Let's do this."

Deeks sat next to her as she lifted her shirt to expose the wound on her stomach. Lindsey removed the bandages and examined it carefully. There was a long slash across Kensi's abdomen, and what appeared to be rope burn above and below it.

"Looks like this was cleaned up pretty well. I think this one will be ok with butterfly bandages. You'll need to keep it dry though. OK?" She asked Kensi. "I'll leave you some spare bandages so you or Deeks can change it without needing to go to the hospital. Just apply them carefully so it doesn't aggravate the other marks. " She pulled out a few different packages and expertly dressed the wound. As she finished, Kensi dropped her shirt and turned away. She took a few deep breaths, looked at Deeks, then exposed her shoulder wound. Again, Lindsey carefully removed the bandages and examined it. She carefully felt around the wound.

"I'm sorry, I think this one will heal better if I stitch it up. Is that ok?" She asked. "I can do it now, or I can check the rest of your cuts to see if any others need stitches. Your call." Kensi wasn't sure. She looked at Deeks, wishing he could decide for her. He understood.

"Why don't you check her thigh, see if it needs stitches first." He suggested. Kensi nodded in agreement and rolled up the pants she was wearing. She had forgotten that she was still in Deeks clothes and the realization startled her.

Lindsey looked at the bandage on Kensi's thigh. It was deep red with dried blood. A quick glance down confirmed that there were abrasions on her ankles that matched those on her wrists and stomach. Lindsey forced herself not to think how it happened, as she carefully peeled off the bandage. Kensi hissed as it began to bleed again. Lindsey quickly grabbed another package from her backpack and told Deeks to open it. She grabbed the bandage and pressed it to Kensi's thigh. The bleeding stopped a moment later, and she lifted the bandage to examine it.

"This one is pretty bad. It's going to need stitches, but I'm worried about infection, too. Are you ok taking antibiotics?" She asked. Kensi nodded. "Ok then. So time to stitch these up, or are there more injuries to examine?" Kensi froze. She wanted to get her other injuries checked, but it was too much for her right now. It had been hard enough to let Deeks clean them - and he was her partner, someone she knew better than anyone else, and trusted with her life. She was starting to spiral down into panic, but Lindsey saw it and quickly interrupted her train of thought.

"Stitches it is. I'll need to numb it with lidocaine to make things easier, and then I'll suture your shoulder, and then your thigh. I'll need you to try to hold still, but you're not going to feel anything after I numb it. Do you want to put on the TV or something to distract you?" She asked.

"No. It's fine." Kensi said, still feeling a bit panicky. Deeks grabbed her hand and squeezed it. He knew how much she was struggling.

Lindsey pulled out a vial and several tiny needles. She prepared the lidocaine and then turned to Kensi.

"Alright, shoulder first. Look away." Kensi did as she was told "There we go. Just a little pinch. It's going to feel strange for a few minutes, but it will be numb soon." She carefully checked Kensi's thigh again, and then did several injections around the wound. "Sorry if that one hurt a bit. Thighs are tricky." But Kensi didn't reply. She had buried her face in Deeks chest and was holding onto his shirt as he stroked her hair.

Lindsey pulled out her suture kit and started to stitch up Kensi's shoulder. She was done in just a few minutes, and carefully covered it with a bandage.

"All done. Now the thigh is going to be a bit trickier. I'm going to put this blue plastic over it so I can keep the area a bit cleaner. It might take a bit longer." She advised Kensi. Kensi nodded, never pulling away from Deeks.

Lindsey set to work, trying to repair the mess in front of her. It looked like such a painful injury. She stopped herself from thinking about it, and focused on the task at hand. She hated stitching wounds like this. It was always worse when the physical injuries were nothing compared to the emotional trauma - and it was very obvious that this was the case with Kensi.

Kensi sighed as she inhaled Deeks scent. She was thinking about giving in and asking for the sedative Lindsey had offered - but didn't want to seem weak. She was overwhelmed with anxiety and knew that if Deeks wasn't there, she would have sent Lindsey away after the first few minutes. She inhaled again. Maybe she didn't need a sedative. She just needed to hold on to her rock, and trust he had her back.


	16. Chapter 16

When Kensi's leg was sutured and bandaged, she had found the resolve to continue and have her other injuries checked. Lindsey looked up at her and asked if she needed a break, but Kensi shook her head. She looked at Deeks, and he helped her remove her shirt.

It took all Lindsey had not to gasp, but she maintained her professional appearance. She carefully inspected the cuts, slashes, abrasions and - was that a bite mark? While it didn't appear anything would need suturing, this was a mess. The bite was a definite infection risk, but Kensi was already going to need antibiotics. She didn't want to take any more time than necessary, so she quickly cleaned and covered all the cuts she could.

"I think our best bet for this is going to be to wrap some bandages all the way around your torso. Is that ok?" Lindsey asked. "I think that's the best way to protect everything." Kensi nodded. "OK, lift up your arms a bit." She said, and she carefully wrapped an ace bandage over the gauze she had placed over the cuts. Kensi sighed a bit in relief as Deeks helped her pull her shirt down again.

"Now... the tough part. Kensi, I know this is hard. And you can throw me out as soon as I finish talking, and I won't be upset, I get it." Lindsey took a breath "I know that there was more to this attack than just some stab wounds. You're on edge and nervous. I can see the marks on your wrists and I saw the ones around your waist. You were restrained. And I suspect you were raped. And if that's the case, there's a lot more for me to do. But if you're not ready, I can leave and wait until you are." She stopped, watching Kensi.

Kensi froze, again. It was the first time someone had used that word to describe what happend to her, and it made her heart stop. Lindsey and Deeks waited as she paled, and then regained a bit of her composure. Then she spoke.

"You're right. And I shouldn't wait any longer." She paused. "But I'm scared." Deeks grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

"Just tell us what you need, Kens. I'm here for you. And Lindsey will stop the moment you ask." He reassured her.

Lindsey walked through the details of what she recommended she do. She gave Kensi the space and time to process and didn't push her. Deeks held her hand. Kensi agreed, and quietly stated that she needed STI testing... and a pregnancy test. But Lindsey just nodded in agreement.

The first step was to collect any evidence. Lindsey scraped under Kensi's nails and combed through her hair, collecting the evidence in bags she had in her backpack.

Next she drew blood to be sent for testing. Kensi flinched at the needle, but didn't make a sound.

Before continuing, Lindsey asked again if Kensi wanted a sedative, but she declined. She lay down on the couch, leaning back into Deeks as he held her.

* * *

><p>At Ops, Eric, Nell, Callen and Sam forced themselves to quickly review the photos that Deeks had taken of the evidence. Nell pulled up reports from the lab, and they all skimmed through them. There were 3 different DNA samples collected from her sheets, confirming that there had been 3 attackers. No matches had been found, yet.<p>

Kensi's blood samples had high levels of Secobarbitol, as well as Lorazepam and Alcohol. She had been drugged.

The gauze that Deeks had used to clean Kensi's wounds not only contained her blood, but also saliva and semen from one of the attackers.

After reading that, Nell turned and threw up in a trash can. Callen ran to get a bottle of water for her, while Eric rubbed her back. Sam stomped around the room and looked for something to hit.

Then Hetty entered the room.

"I have reviewed the photos and the lab reports. We do not currently have enough to identify our suspect. This will be our first priority." She said. "I have spoken to Mr. Deeks, and Kensi saw a doctor this morning. Mr. Callen, you will need to meet her to get her reports and the evidence she was able to collect. Ms. Blye understands that her home will need to be processed as a crime scene, and is prepared for that to happen this afternoon. We must proceed carefully - we need to respect Ms. Blye's boundaries as emphasized by Mr. Deeks. But aside from that, you will do anything necessary to apprehend these men." She said emphatically. "Anything."

"OK" Callen said "I'm going to meet up with Lindsey, the doctor who saw Kensi. She's a friend of mine. Eric and Nell, I need you to see if you can find a way to identify the attackers from the DNA samples. Nell, we're going to need a description of any of the men you and Kensi may have interacted with the night of her attack. Sam - I know you're desperate to see Kensi, so check with Deeks and see if she's up to the visit." He directed. Everyone nodded, and they got to work.

* * *

><p>When Lindsey left, Kensi was exhausted both physically and emotionally. Deeks put Titanic on again for her, and tucked the blanket around her on the couch as he went to prepare lunch. He heated up the rest of the pizza from the night before, and looked through the fridge to see what could go with it. He wanted something quick and easy, but nothing jumped out at him. He grabbed the box of twinkies that Callen had brought and pulled out a package. Kensi could have the pizza for lunch, and twinkies with ice cream for dessert.<p>

Once the pizza was heated up, he took it over to her. She ate one piece, but lost interest quickly. Deeks retrieved the bowl of ice cream from the freezer and opened the twinkies, hoping dessert might catch her interest. She didn't even move to take the bowl.

"Come on, Kens. You still need to eat." He prodded her. He scooped up a spoonful and held it in front of her. "Open up or I'll wipe it on your nose" he teased. She obliged, and allowed him to feed her, again. Halfway through the bowl, she shook her head. She didn't want to eat any more.

Deeks rose and put the bowl back in the freezer. He came and sat next to the couch, and stroked her hair until she fell asleep. He puttered around, straightening up. Lindsey had left several bottles of pills for Kensi, including painkillers, antibiotics, and something to help her sleep at night. He took the pill bottles to the kitchen and put them in the cabinet with the twinkies. And he sighed. He was being strong for Kensi, but he hurt, too. He took another of the painkillers Lindsey had snuck into the cupboard for him. He hoped it would help the emotional pain he felt, too. His heart ached for Kensi. He wished he could take this all away. He hated to see her in pain.


	17. Chapter 17

Sam called Deeks to see if he could see Kensi. He was disappointed when Deeks said she was asleep, but glad that she was resting. On a whim, he asked if they needed anything, or if Deeks needed some company. He was surprised when the response wasn't an automatic no. Deeks did want some company, someone to talk to - but he also knew it wouldn't be good for Kensi to wake up to find someone else in her home.

"Thanks, man. I'll have to take a raincheque on that though. Wouldn't be good if Kens woke up and I hadn't asked before inviting you over. But I'll call you when she's up." He offered.

When they hung up, Sam looked around the empty bullpen. He hated feeling useless. Callen was meeting with the doctor. Deeks was caring for Kensi. Nell and Eric were up in Ops, working their magic. And Hetty... well, who knew what Hetty was up to. He decided to go down to the gym and work off some of his anger.

He was momentarily surprised to see the punching bag on the floor, having forgotten the damage he did to it earlier. But he was more surprised when he realized there was a new bag hanging up, with a note on it.

_Please see to it that this does not end up in the same condition as its predecessor. I believe Ms. Blye will have need of it in the near future. When you are finished here, I have an assignment for you. -H_

After twenty minutes of beating on the punching bag, Sam felt slightly better. He showered, and then went to find Hetty to see what his assignment was.

* * *

><p>Deeks sighed as he hung up the phone. He felt guilty for wanting to talk to someone about how he felt - but seeing Kensi like this was breaking him. His emotions flitted from rage at the monsters who did this, to fear he had lost his partner, to heartbreak at seeing her so broken. He wasn't sure his emotions had ever overwhelmed him like this - but he knew it was because he had never cared for someone as much as he cared for Kensi.<p>

He went to the kitchen to see what he could make for dinner. It was still early - but if he got started now, Kensi could have his undivided attention when she woke up. It seemed there was so little he could do for her, but he could at least make sure she had food to eat. As he went through the cupboards and fridge, searching for inspiration, he lost himself in thought.

He had been surprised, and so proud of Kensi for going ahead with Lindsey's suggestions. But he saw how difficult it was for her and couldn't help but wonder if it would have been better to wait a few more days, or at least take the offered sedative. As Kensi leaned back into him, she had been shaking violently. He held her gently and kissed her hair and tried to calm her, but he knew his words and actions weren't enough. Lindsey had spoken softly, and reminded Kensi that all she had to do was say no, or shake her head, and they would stop. Deeks made sure she didn't feel restrained, and Lindsey was careful, but Kensi had still struggled. In the midst of a flashback, she had kicked at Lindsey, who expertly ducked out of the way. Deeks hadn't even tried to avoid the blow to the jaw that she had delivered, hoping that her fist connecting with his flesh might help in some small way. He rubbed it now, a bit proud of the fight she had in her. But it was going to be a nasty shade of blue soon and he knew Kensi would be upset that she had hurt him, again. He didn't know how to make her see that he would gladly be her punching bag if it helped her even the tiniest bit.

A few tears escaped as he started preparing dinner. He knew she loved lasagna, so that's what he was making. As he chopped vegetables, and rolled out pasta, he was still lost in thought. He couldn't shake the image of Kensi crying as Lindsey had explained the possible future consequences of her internal injuries. While no one had voiced it, it was clear that Kensi's stab wounds were not the only places her attacker had used the knife. Lindsey had been discrete as she examined Kensi, but the look she had shot Deeks told him more than enough. And it killed him.

He had been totally unprepared for her sobs when Lindsey said it was something she needed to discuss with her doctors before she could ever consider having children. As Lindsey explained Kensi's options to prevent infection and pregnancy as the result of her attack, he could barely control his rage. Kensi had cried, clinging to his shirt, asking him to decide what was best - but he knew he couldn't make the choice for her. Lindsey had given Kensi the assortment of pills, explaining how to take them if she chose to. She handed Deeks a file of papers, covering everything they needed to know about each medication, caring for her injuries, dealing with the emotional aftermath, and lists of phone numbers, websites and support groups. He glanced over at it now, sitting on the counter, and sighed. It might as well have been a book titled "How to Recover" but he knew there was a lot more to that than medications, bandages and support groups.

After placing the lasagna in the oven, he walked over to the file, and the row of medications that Lindsey had left. He read over the labels, trying to remember what each was for. Klonopin, Levonorgestrel, Flagyl, Cefotefan, Vancocin, Morphine, Mifeprex, Benadryl... His heart stopped when he saw that one of the bottles contained prenatal vitamins. He knew it was only on the slightest chance... but he hated how angry that one little bottle made him. As he calmed down, he swore he would be there for Kensi no matter what she chose, and what the results were. He looked back at the row of medications, noting the different creams and ointments, and the large stack of bandages. No wonder they needed a book-sized file just to sort all this out.

He went over to check on Kensi, who was sleeping but didn't look peaceful. He considered waking her up, but there was no obvious sign of nightmares so he left her to rest. He walked back to the kitchen and grabbed the "book" then settled down on a chair near her as he opened it up to read up on Kensi's care. He was surprised to find a note tucked in the front, addressed to him.

_This isn't going to be easy for either of you. Kensi is going to need a lot of help and care to get through this, but you don't need to do it alone. You can call me any time if you have questions or need help with any of this. And don't underestimate your friends - they care about the two of you and want to help. Let them.  
>I know you love her, and that alone is going to help her get through this. It's what she needs most right now. So don't be afraid to show it.<br>There are painkillers and a cream for your injuries in the cupboard over the microwave. If you need more, or need more injuries checked, don't be afraid to call._ _I've also left a list of support numbers and websites for you. Kensi isn't the only one who needs help from others who have been there. But you will get through this so don't lose faith.  
>I've also included a copy of my report for Callen in the back of this file. It details all of Kensi's injuries, so it will be hard to read, but I thought you should know.<br>-Lindsey _


	18. Chapter 18

Hetty was at her desk, sipping a cup of tea, when Sam found her.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Hanna?" She asked him.

"Got your note. You have an assignment for me?" He asked. She nodded.

"While I realize this may not be your forté, you are in need of something to do, and I am sure Ms. Blye and Mr. Deeks are in need of some help." She started to explain as she handed him a list and a credit card. "Also, I believe that Mr. Deeks dog is being cared for by a neighbour at the moment. Could you please arrange for him to be taken to this kennel" she handed him a slip of paper "if Ms. Blye is not ready for his company this evening." Sam nodded. While Hetty was right that this assignment wasn't his area of expertise, it was something he could do to help, and he appreciated it.

"Thanks Hetty. I'll take care of it." He told her as he left.

"And Mr. Hanna - I expect receipts for all purchases on that card." She called after him.

In the Challenger he looked at the list. Then he set off to start shopping.

* * *

><p>Kensi was in the throes of a nightmare. She was reliving her attack, moment by moment. While much of her memory was fuzzy, her brain seemed happy to fill in the blanks. She was screaming and fighting off the man with the knife when a familiar voice interrupted her. Instead of feeling calm, she felt more panicked. He couldn't see her like this, naked and damaged. He would never see her the same way again if he saw her broken. Suddenly it was Deeks she was fighting when her eyes flew open and she registered his face in front of her - full of concern, not pity or condescension. She choked out a relieved sob and let herself fall into his arms as he held her protectively.<p>

"You're ok. We're gonna get you through this. It's just us." He murmured as she realized it was becoming a familiar chant.

"I'm sorry" she whispered to him. "I'm sorry to put you through this. You should... you should go. You don't need this, Deeks." He pulled back, surprised.

"Leaving is the one thing I am NOT doing. I'll do anything else for you - but I am not leaving you alone to face this. I'm your partner. Your friend. And you're going to need someone to have your back while you fight this." His face was stern, but still caring, his words more insistent than she had ever heard them. "I am not leaving you alone." He repeated.

And Kensi felt relief wash over her. Her partner had her back not only in the field, but in life as well. She reached out for him and hugged him tight, murmuring a quiet "thank you" into his shoulder. She held onto him tight, needing the security of having his arms around her and his breath on her neck. It felt safe. She knew as long as he was there, he wasn't going to let anyone hurt her.

As she became more conscious of her surroundings, she noticed a wonderful smell filling the air.

"Did you start dinner already?" She asked

"Yeah, I figured I'd do it while you were resting so I could be with you while you're awake." He said. "It should be done soon, and we can reheat it when we're hungry." He shrugged, as if it was no big deal. She got up and went to the kitchen. When she looked in the oven and saw lasagna, she turned back to him with a genuine grin.

"Thank you." She said. "It looks and smells amazing. I can't wait to eat." His face burst into a grin. He had a glimpse of "his" Kensi coming back. She came back to the couch, and saw the file abandoned in the chair where she suspected he had been sitting. "Looks like fun reading." She said. "Anything worth sharing?" He paused, unsure how to answer.

"It's just the stuff Lindsay left for us. We can go over it when you're ready. If you want to eat soon, we should probably get some of these antibiotics into you though. And some painkillers, too, I suspect?" He asked.

"Yeah." She replied flatly. The sight and smell of lasagna had given her a wonderful, but brief, intermission from her pain, but it was now over as reality crashed back over her. She had a lot to deal with before life was back to normal. She sank back onto the couch and wrapped the blanket around herself tightly, staring at the TV. "How many times have we watched this?" She asked Deeks. He shrugged.

"If you want me to change it to something else, just let me know. But I don't mind if it's what you want to watch. I know you love it." Out of nowhere, she grabbed a pillow and threw it at the tv. He watched her silently, waiting for an indication as to what he should do. After a moment, he quietly got up and sat next to her. "It's ok, Kens." He said. She leaned into him, and cried.

When she was feeling a bit calmer, he checked the time.

"The lasagna should be good. I know it's not near dinner time yet, but we can eat if you like." She nodded. "OK, you stay here and I'll serve it up." He said as he headed to the kitchen. As he prepared the plates of lasagna, he heated up garlic bread to go with it. He made up Kensi's plate and got her a soda from the fridge. Then he grabbed the pills he knew she would need to take, and presented it to her on the couch. "Your dinner, your drink, and your drugs." He said. Then he went to get his own plate and sat down to join her. She looked at the pills in her hand for a moment, and then decided to just take them and ask questions later. It was Deeks - she trusted him. They ate quietly for a minute, and then Deeks remembered Sam's phone call. He wasn't sure if it was a good time to ask, but he decided to any way. "So... Sam called while you were napping. He'd really like to see you if you're up for it." He said gently. Kensi looked at him for a moment, and decided it was as good a time as any.

"Yeah. Sure. Just not a long visit... and I don't want to talk about it. OK?"

"Of course, princess." Deeks smiled at her. "But I think you just want to see what happens when I try to stop Sam from doing something." She snorted for a second, then went back to eating. He was relieved that she wanted food again.


	19. Chapter 19

Sam was finishing up Hetty's list of errands when his phone rang. He grabbed it, and was happy to hear Deeks' voice, saying Kensi was up for a short visit. He agreed not to push her and to stay calm even though he knew he'd be angry when he saw her injuries.

He set the box in his hands in the back of the car, then drove to Kensi's.

As he parked the car, he started to feel nervous. He had never seen Kensi looking the least bit fragile, but from what Nell and Callen had said, she was a mess. He was second guessing his decision to visit, but knew it was too late now. He got out of the car and walked around the back to retrieve the last package he had picked up for her.

When he got to the door, Deeks answered and stepped out before letting Sam in. Before he could get a word out, Sam grunted in shock at Deeks' appearance.

"What the hell happened to you?" He asked. He knew Kensi had been attacked, but Deeks looked like he had as well - he was moving stiffly, his arm in a sling, and his jaw was swollen and badly bruised.

"Flashbacks." He said. "She's struggling, but she still packs a mean punch." He shrugged with his uninjured shoulder. Sam was stunned. He wasn't surprised that Kensi COULD do this kind of damage to Deeks, but he was shocked that she WOULD. While she frequently punched Deeks, it was always gentle and he had never known her to leave a mark on him. "Anyhow, ground rules. Stay calm, be gentle. Don't startle her if you don't want to look like this" he gestured to his jaw. "She said she doesn't want to talk about it, so respect that for now. She looks rough, but it's a lot better than yesterday. OK?" Sam nodded. Yup, Deeks was a pitbull. Sam had no doubt that Deeks would throw him out if he upset Kensi at all. And he was glad.

When they went inside, Sam took everything in rapidly with a trained eye. Kensi was sitting on the couch with a blanket wrapped snugly around her. Her hair was a mess, there were circles under her eyes, and she looked like she had been crying. He took in the line of pill bottles on the counter, the smell of freshly made lasagna, and the fact that the TV was knocked askew. But he didn't comment on any of it.

"Hey Kens. This is from the team." He told her as he placed the box on the couch beside her. "It's not much, just something we thought you might enjoy." Slowly one arm emerged from the blanket as she took the lid off the box, and she smiled when she saw the contents. Deeks leaned over and saw it was full of pastries, donuts, twinkies, peanut butter cups and an assortment of other sweets. It was perfect for Kensi. He and Sam watched as she selected a donut and nibbled at it. Sam had to bite back comments of shock - normally, Kensi would have inhaled three by the time she was halfway through this one. Instead,

"There's some other stuff in the car that Hetty asked me to pick up for you. Just some odds and ends she thought you guys might want." He told them. They sat in silence for a few minutes before he continued. "So, Monty is with your neighbour at the moment, right Deeks?" He nodded. Turning to Kensi, Sam asked "Do you want me to bring him here for a bit? Or if not, Hetty gave me the number for a kennel and asked me to make arrangements for him to stay there for now." He explained.

"It might be nice to see him." Kensi started "But maybe not yet..." She finished. Deeks agreed, and thanked Sam for dealing with the kennel.

"So do you need a hand to bring stuff in?" He asked Sam, wanting a chance to speak to him alone again.

"Yeah, sure, that'd be good" Sam replied as he stood to walk out. Kensi looked briefly panicked at being left alone, but Deeks caught her before she had a chance to worry.

"I'll leave the door open so you can still see us and I can see you, ok? I'm not leaving you alone. I promise." He reassured her. And true to his word, he left the door open as he and Sam went outside.

"Have you guys got anything?" Deeks asked. Sam filled him in on the minimal information they had so far. "It will be good for her to know she was drugged." Deeks said. "She keeps asking me why she didn't fight, but with that lot of drugs in her system it's amazing she fought as much as she did." He explained. "I guess you guys will need to come back to check her room for more evidence. Neither of us has set foot in it since I cut her free." He shuddered at the memory "So nothing is disturbed. I'm just not sure if she'll be ready for it yet... I was thinking of taking her back to my place so she can get away from it. But I think going out stil scares her." He explained. Sam opened his mouth to ask what Deeks had meant by "cut her free" but then paused. Deeks caught his hesitation. "It's ok. You can ask me whatever you need to. Just don't talk about it with Kensi until she's ready."

"What happened to her, Deeks? I mean, I can guess, but... I'd rather know."

"She woke up to find herself tied to her bed. Three men forced themselves on her, threatening her with her father's knife. She has stab wounds to her shoulder and her thigh, a slice on her abdomen, and a lot of nasty cuts" he gestured to his own chest, not wanting to say it out loud. "And I haven't read Lindsey's report yet, but it looks like the knife was used on her in, uh, other ways." He stopped, seeing the rage on Sam's face. "You've gotta hold it together for now, OK Sam? If she sees you like this, she's gonna crack." Sam took a few deep breaths as he walked around the car, forcing himself to appear calm.

"We are going to kill the bastards who did this to her, Deeks." He said, then walked back inside with a bag in each hand.


	20. Chapter 20

Callen met Lindsey at a cafe so that she could update him on Kensi. When he arrived, she was already there, and she looked distracted. She glanced up and greeted him as he sat down.

"So, here's my report for the investigation." She said, handing over a file. He was surprised how thick it was. "All her injuries are documented here" she flipped open the file to the first page, a diagram of the human body, front and back, covered in marks and notations. "There's a write up about each injury on the following pages, indicating what appears to have happened. Deeks did a great job of cleaning things up, so they should heal ok. But there were some other injuries that weren't as, uh, obvious and that she didn't tell him about, and those are the ones I'm most worried about. But I've left him with detailed instructions on how to clean the wounds, change bandages and what to watch for, as well as leaving antibiotics to help prevent infection." She said, then pulled out a set of evidence bags. "Here's any biological evidence I could collect - keeping in mind that with the timeframe, there won't be as much as we could have had, but it should help. And Deeks told me that he had already sent DNA samples from the attackers so a lot of this is just backup evidence anyway." She went back to the file and turned the page.

"This is what I was able to piece together of her attack based on the evidence, what Deeks was able to tell me, and from her flashbacks." She started. "It was a pretty brutal attack... PTSD is likely to be a problem for her. She needs to talk to a professional and get help before things get worse." The concern in her voice was evident.

"Hetty's already arranged for Nate to come back. He worked with us a while back and he's a good friend of Kensi's. He's an operational psychologist and has done our psych evals in the past. If she'll talk to anyone, it'll be him." Callen explained.

"That's great. She's going to need a support system. It's the only way she's going to get through this." Lindsey told him. "I do have some big concerns though... I've taken blood to run for STIs, but we're going to have to do a pregnancy test in a few weeks. I explained her options to her, but she really didn't seem ready to deal with that aspect of her attack. I left some options for her... but I'm not sure what she's going to do. And if she is pregnant, things are going to get a lot more complicated." Callen was shocked. This was something that Kensi would have to deal with, but he knew if Lindsey was telling him, there was a reason.

"What can we do?" He asked.

"I don't know how close you and Kensi are, or if there's someone else you can get to talk to her... but her best option is going to be to take the pills I've left for her and hope that deals with it. But I got the impression she was really reluctant to do so and she didn't want to talk about why. And I think Deeks is too close to the situation to be able to push her." She said. Callen nodded. He would talk to Nell when he got back.

"Anything else we need to know?" He asked her.

"One more thing. Keep an eye on Deeks if you can. He's going to need xrays on his back, and his jaw. Kensi is a fighter and her flashbacks have been bad. And either he's not very good at self defense, or he's allowing her to beat him up. Either way, if he isn't a bit more careful, he's going to be more injured than she is." She said. Callen sighed loudly... It would be just like Deeks to allow Kensi to use him as a punching bag, in the mistaken belief it would help her.

"Yeah, we'll take care of that." He said. "But I don't think he'll be getting those xrays any time soon."

"I expected as much. He has a sling and some painkillers for now, and my number to call if he needs it for next time." She reassured Callen. "Is there anything else you need from me? I'll get you the lab reports as soon as we have them."

"I think that's it for now." He told her. "Thanks for this. You've done us all a huge favour." He shook her hand, and then left.


	21. Chapter 21

_Author Note - Sorry this is short, I intended to add a few more bits to it, but wanted to publish SOMETHING while you're all waiting impatiently. It may be another 2-3 weeks before I have a working computer so will do my best to keep updating via my phone and public internet. Thanks for being patient. Not much left to go to this story - but a sequel is coming!_

When Deeks and Sam re-entered Kensi's place, they were both aware of her anxiety. Sam went to the kitchen with the bags, while Deeks went to talk with Kensi.

"How you doing" he asked her.  
>"I don't know" was her response "I'm anxious. I hurt. I'm thinking."<p>

"What's on your mind." Deeks asked "I know that they need to collect the rest of the evidence... I don't want to be here. But I don't know where to go... and I'm not ready to go out." She stumbled over her words as she tried to explain.

"Well... I was thinking... and only if you're up for it - I can take you back to my place. You'll still be in a safe, familiar place, and you can rest. And you'll have control over who's around. The other option is we could take you into work, but I know you're not really ready to see everyone all at once, am I right?" He asked her. She was briefly surprised that he had already thought this through, although she knew she shouldn't be. And she isn't sure why she hadn't considered his home. She didn't want to intrude, but she didn't think being at his place could be any more intrusive than uprooting him completely and needing him constantly.

"Yeah. You're right about work. I know they'll want me in soon and I guess I have to give a statement..." She froze, realizing that once she did, everyone would know what had happened to her in far too much detail. Panic overwhelmed her and she found herself struggling to breathe.

"Kens, it's ok. You don't need to make a statement any time soon. And if you're not up for it, that's ok. We can do this investigation without that. I know you aren't ready to talk, and even when you are, you won't be ready to have everyone know. They don't have to. Remember, this is MY investigation. And everyone knows this is not going in the computer system - all the evidence, all the paperwork - it's being kept under lock and key by Hetty and Nell. I won't let you get hurt again." His voice was calm and gently lilting, the same tone he used to draw her out of her flashbacks. He could see she was aware and in a panicked state, as he approached her and gently wrapped her in his arms. Sam was in the kitchen, acutely aware of everything that was happening. He watched intently as Deeks made eye contact and mouthed "pills, Klonopin" and then looked at the bottles on the counter. Finding the one Deeks had requested, he grabbed the bottle and a glass of water and brought it over.

"Kens, you're having a panic attack. I know you don't want to, but I need you to take this, ok?" Deeks told her. She still felt like she couldn't breathe and was lightheaded. "I know you don't like the idea of this, but you're having a physical panic reaction and this is just going to take the edge off it so you can breathe. I promise. That's all it's going to do, it's not going to knock you out or make you fuzzy." Deeks voice was near begging. "Please, just take it for me. It'll help, I hate to see you like this." She could hear the desperation in his voice, so she forced herself to snatch the pill out of Sam's hand. She downed it with a glass of water, and was surprised that it only took minutes before she could breathe again.

Deeks and Sam were watching her, quietly waiting for her breathing to normalize. When the panicked expression left her face, they both relaxed a bit. Then she broke the silence.

"I think it would be good to go to your place." She nearly whispered. "You're right. It's safe and familiar. But I need to pack a bag..." she trailed off. She knew she would need to take clothes and toiletries - but there was no way she was ready to go back into her room.

"Then this might help" Sam spoke up, gesturing to the bags he had brought in. "Nell and Hetty ordrered some stuff and sent me to pick it up. I think everything you need should be here." as he gestured to the bags he had brought in.

"You've got your go bag, and some stuff at my place anyway." Deeks said, no longer caring what his coworkers thought. "Anything else you need, I'm sure the team can pick up." Sam nodded his confirmation. "So what do you say? Shall we head to Casa del Deeks in a bit?" Kensi bit her bottom lip, then nodded.

It was Sam who spoke next.

"Why don't I head back in for a bit, and then you can call when you're ready for us to come back. Take all the time you need." He told her. "And if you're up for company, I'm sure everyone would love to see you." He added.


	22. Chapter 22

When Sam left, Deeks got up to tidy the kitchen. He puttered, while Kensi lay on the couch - not sleeping, but not speaking or moving. Once things were clean, he started to round up the assortment of medications and anything else he thought Kensi would need from her apartment. There wasn't much, aside from the items Sam had brought and her medications. When he was finished, he turned back to Kensi.

"So whenever you want to head out is good. Unless you want to see anyone here first? I mean, you can have anyone come visit you at my place, too, of course, just didn't know if you wanted to see anyone when they get here." He stopped babbling and watched her closely. She wasn't moving or responding to him, but didn't look troubled either. "Hey, Kens? You ok?" He asked gently as he came around the side of the couch. He wasn't sure what to do when she gave no indication she had heard him. He sat down next to the couch and waited another few moments. Her breathing was regular and he could see her pulse at her neck was at a fairly normal rate. Tentatively, he reached out to touch her cheek. The moment he made contact, her entire body jerked as if she'd been electrocuted and he jumped back.

"I'm sorry! I just wanted to make sure you were ok!" He yelped. She shook her head, as if waking from sleep.

"No, I'm sorry. I don't know what happened. I was just... lost in thought." She mumbled. "What were you saying?"

"Nothing important" He reassured her. "Just letting you know I'm good to go whenever you are." She nodded her head in response.

"I guess we should go fairly soon... I'm tired, and I know the team want to come and..." she drifted off, unable to finish. She hated to think of her room as a crime scene, or give any extra thought to what happened. "What do I need to grab?" She asked him.

Deeks gestured to the bags Sam had brought and the few items he had pulled together. "I think this is it. You've got a few changes of clothes at my place. Anything else, we can have someone pick up." She nodded.

"OK. Then I guess I just need to get up and walk out the door." She sighed, realizing what a mammoth task that seemed to be.

"It's ok. No rush. We have all the time you need." Deeks reassured her.

* * *

><p>In Ops, Nell and Eric were getting frustrated. They were running the DNA through every database they could think of, and had started checking for familial matches as well. Callen had brought them Lindsey's report and while reluctant to read it, he had summarized the key points of the attack and suggested looking for any similar cases in the region. Nell was also reviewing camera footage near Kensi's home and desperately trying to remember every person they had come across the evening of the attack.<p>

They were interrupted when the doors swooshed open, knowing it was Hetty by the absence of footsteps. She really did move like a Ninja.

"Where do we stand, Mr. Beale, Ms Jones?" She asked.

"No hits yet, but we'll keep trying." Eric said, feeling discouraged.

"I've been through everything I can remember, but nothing is standing out as suspicious from that night" Nell told her, the frustration evident in her voice as well.

"Alright. We'll see if Mr. Callen and Mr. Hanna are able to find anything useful at Ms. Blye's" Hetty told them, leaving the room as silently as she had entered.

Eric heaved a sigh as he watched the search programs running and stole a glance at Nell. She appeared to be fighting back tears. He felt useless to both Kensi and to Nell. And he hated it. Then an idea occurred to him. He fired off an email to a friend and was pleased to get a response quickly. He turned to Nell to explain.

"I've got an idea" He started. She looked at him expectantly.

"And what would this brilliant idea be?" She asked.

"Ok, we've got DNA on this guy, right? And I've read about DNA profiling being done, where they take the sample and can tell you the race, etc. of a person. Sometimes even medical issues, etc. So I emailed a friend and she can get it done if we send the DNA sample. What do you think?" He asked nervously.

"Why haven't you already sent the sample?" She asked. "Get on it! Hetty said ANYTHING." With a grin, Eric got back to work.


	23. Chapter 23

As Deeks eased Kensi's car into his parking spot, she sighed a sigh of relief. Getting to the car and being out of her house had been more nerve wracking than she had expected. Despite having taken the anti-anxiety tablet, she still felt panicked for the duration of the drive. She was glad she could soon retreat to her second home.

Nate had called shortly before they left to say he was in town and would like to see her. She had no doubt this was Hetty's doing and it wasn't a coincidence. She wasn't sure she was ready to see him, but also couldn't keep him away. He was possibly the one person Deeks would allow in even if she said no. They had arranged for Nate to come by after dinner. Again she sighed.

Deeks watched her with concern. She looked incredibly anxious and he hated to see her like this.

"Just a minute or two, princess, and we'll be safely inside." He reassured her, as he hopped out and swung around to get things from the back. She hadn't moved, so he came around and waited for her to nod or give him permission to open the door. When she did, he opened it carefully and then reached out with his free hand to see if she needed help. He was surprised when she reached for him, and clung to his hand with a death grip until they were safely inside his apartment. He set down the bags and watched as she made her way to the couch. She still had the blanket from her place tightly wrapped around her.

She sat, unmoving, as Deeks started to go about putting things away. He watched her cautiously, wondering what was going on in her mind. His concern got the better of him, and he made his way over to the couch and sat down beside her.

"What's up, buttercup?" he asked her playfully, hoping to lighten her mood a touch.

"Nothing" she mumbled, still staring at nothing.

"Want to watch a movie?" He asked, unsure what else he could offer. "Or can I get you anything?" Kensi sighed.

"I don't know" she finally whispered, as she leaned against him. "I'm tired. But I don't want to sleep." He understood the unsaid part about nightmares haunting her. She leaned against his shoulder, exhausted.

"Why don't we rest, then" He suggested, wrapping his arms around her as he gently lay her down in his lap. "I'm right here." He whispered. "I'll keep you safe."

* * *

><p>Callen and Sam arrived at Kensi's place to collect any remaining evidence. Eric and Nell were watching from Ops so they could assist, but Nell wasn't sure she was going to be much help. Eric tightly squeezed her hand to reassure her when he saw the look of apprehension on her face.<p>

"Are you ok?" He whispered as he put a finger over his microphone. She shook her head.

"I won't be ok until these bastards are caught." She mumbled.

As the agents made their way to Kensi's room, they were silent, knowing what wait before them.

Sam opened the door as Callen entered and they stopped to survey the room. It was several minutes before either could talk. It was a stunned, painful silence.

"She's never going to want to come back here." Sam finally said. Callen nodded in agreement. They began to go over the room, observing the blood and broken glass strewn everywhere.

"Looks like he came in the window" Callen stated as he pointed to the broken window above her bed, explaining the glass everywhere. "Might be prints" he suggested, not convincing himself.

"Try dusting for them anyway" he heard Nell say. "Leave no stone unturned."

They stared at the mattress, stripped of the sheets that Deeks had collected, and observed the bloodstains and rips from the knife. Sam turned away first, seeing some blood spattered on the wall, and marks on the carpet where the knife had been dropped. Callen began to examine the bed, trying not to think about the marks on the bedpost indicating where the ropes had been tied. He could clearly see the wood rubbed raw - Kensi had clearly fought hard.

Sam gestured to a framed photo of the team on her nightstand, with the glass shattered.

"At least we can replace this for her." He said.

While neither were crime scene techs, they knew they were the ones who needed to collect any evidence from this room, so they began the process of photographing, bagging and tagging every possible bit of evidence that remained. It was hard to remain objective as they tried to decide whether or not to go through drawers, but they agreed it would be necessary to at least look.

No one commented as they opened her nightstand and carefully looked for anything out of place, anything that could give them a clue. They checked her closet, and dresser drawers. When it came to her underwear drawer, Sam hesitated and looked away. When Callen opened the drawer and saw the blood, he regretfully collected the drawer's contents to be sent to evidence. He felt horrible invading what little privacy Kensi had left. When they came to the final drawer, there was a moment of surprise as they realized it was full of Deeks' clothing, but neither one could bring themselves to comment, given the situation.

Nell and Eric exchanged a brief look of surprise at Ops, as Eric whispered

"Did you know about this?"

"I knew there was something between them- but not this" Nell whispered back.

In the bathroom, they found nothing out of place aside from Kensi's ripped clothing, and a very masculine set of toiletries. Eric was able to quickly identify them as Deeks' preferred brands, ruling them out as evidence. No one said a word until Callen spoke up.

"I guess we'll have to ask how long this has been going on... or what exactly 'this' is." He said grimly. While everyone had long teased the two about their status as more than partners, he knew this was not how they would have wanted it confirmed. "And I guess that's going to be up to me..." he continued. It was a familiar, but out of place voice that interrupted him.

"Actually, I think I can handle that one for you" they heard from the doorway. Sam and Callen looked up in surprise to find Nate standing in the doorway.


	24. Chapter 24

Deeks was fully awake when he heard the knock on the door, but had yet to move, not wanting to wake the sleeping form in his arms. It had taken a little over an hour before she had finally let sleep overtake her, and even longer before he knew she was sleeping soundly. He was feeling exhaustion set in, but knew she needed him to stay awake, to pull her out of a nightmare the moment he saw her face crease with anxiety. So that's what he did - he stood guard over her as she slept in his arms.

But the knock to the door was about to interrupt her peaceful rest. He silently cursed the timing but knew that Kensi needed the man who stood on the opposite side of the door. He stretched for his phone and messaged Nate to come in, quietly. A moment later, the door eased open and Nate entered. In his hands he held a large brown bag, which Deeks instantly recognised as take out from one of the team's favourite Chinese places. Nate took in the sight of Kensi asleep in Deeks arms with a small smile, but decided against saying anything. He quietly set the bag of food on the coffee table, then took a seat near the pair, noticing that Kensi didn't stir. It spoke volumes towards the trust she had in Deeks if she was willing to let herself rest so deeply despite all that had happened to her.

"So how are you doing?" Nate asked, watching Deeks, as the blond ran his free hand through his hair.

"It's not about me" Deeks said finally. "I'm just worried about her." Nate nodded, expecting the response.

"It's been a while... did you ever come up with the answer to the question I asked you last time?" He asked, curiously.

"I think the answer to that is pretty obvious" Deeks replied with a bit of a grin on his face. "I knew the answer that night. She got me a cronut, and brought me dinner and a movie." He smiled at the memory of how the roles then were the opposite of now - him drifting off to sleep while she watched him. "I told her, although she didn't know what I was talking about." Nate nodded with a smile.

"And now... obviously I need to talk to Kensi but we'll let her rest while she can. But how are you really doing? I mean, this must be difficult for you, too." He asked. Deeks sighed.

"I don't know. I hate seeing her like this. I want to kill the bastards that did this to her... slowly and painfully. I want to help her but I don't know how. I just wish I could take all this away from her so she doesn't hurt. And I can't erase the sound of her voice and the sight of her injuries from my memory. It just keeps playing over and over like a broken record." He stopped, not feeling it was his place to be hurting so much. "But it's nothing compared to what she must be reliving. How can I help her?" He pleaded, wishing Nate would have a magical answer how he could erase all the pain she was in.

"You are helping her. You're taking care of her. You know what she needs, even if you don't realize it yet." Nate explained. "But I do have to ask you something else and you might not like it that much. I was with the guys as they went over her place and they found some items of yours there..." He paused for a moment, and Deeks knew where this was going.

"They found my clothes in her drawer and my toothbrush in her bathroom. And now you're the sucker tasked with finding out what's going on between us?" Deeks asked with a slight grin. "Go ahead and ask"

"What's going on between the two of you?" Nate asked, doing exactly as he was prompted.

"We're partners. And best friends. Best friends who sometimes fall asleep on the couch together watching yet another episode of Top Model, or watching Titanic for the 2 billionth time." He said firmly. He glanced down at the sleeping woman in his lap. "And that's what you'll tell them." Nate nodded, also hearing what was unsaid. He saw the chemistry between them and knew of Deeks feelings for her. He suspected she felt the same way, but Deeks' explanation told him that they had yet to cross that bridge, even if everyone knew it was coming.

They both paused as Kensi started to stir. Deeks leaned down to whisper in her ear, to reassure her and remind her where she was, and to let her know that Nate was there so she didn't panic. His best intentions failed as she bolted upright, pulling the blanket around her tightly as she turned her face into Deeks chest. He could barely make out the words she mumbled.

"Not yet. I'm not ready. Make him go away." she whimpered. It broke Deeks heart to hear her pleading again.

"Kens, it's ok. I'm right here with you. He won't make you talk until you're ready but he needs to see you. He's worried, another big brother who hates to see his little sister in pain but would hate it more if he couldn't see you himself." Deeks whispered back to her. It was Nate who spoke next.

"Hey Kensi, I'm here to see how you're doing, that's all. No mind tricks today, I just wanted to see you and let you know I'm here when you're ready." He spoke quietly. She continued to cling to Deeks and her blanket, but turned around to face her friend.

"I'm sorry" she whispered. "It's not that I want you to go away. I'm just not ready." she told him.

"I understand that" Nate said. "But you can't keep us away forever. You know we all just want to help you."

She nodded, starting to feel bad for pushing her friends away. Deeks seemed to sense this, and reassured her that everyone understood. He knew Nate was the psychologist but he was still going to protect her with every ounce of his being.


	25. Chapter 25

When Callen and Sam returned to OSP, their faces were grim. They delivered the new evidence to Hetty, happy to be rid of it. Surprisingly, Callen had gotten several prints from Kensi's window frame, and he hoped it could bring them closer to Kensi's attackers. They had little else to go on, despite the mountain of evidence they had brought back. Sam had made sure to grab the team photo from her bedside, with the intention of replacing it.

"I chatted with Nate" Callen said, "He's heading over to Kensi's now. I hope he's able to help her, and Deeks. The scene was worse than you can see from the pics. They're both gonna need all the help they can get." He told Hetty with a sigh. She looked troubled, but said nothing, opting to instead sip her tea and nod.

Callen and Sam both trudged up to ops, hoping the wonder twins had good news and a a few new leads for them to follow up on. Unfortunately, they had nothing new. A dark cloud seemed to hang over the room as they stood in silence, each lost in thought. No one noticed Hetty step in until she spoke and suggested they all go home for the night and review things with fresh eyes in the morning.

Sam agreed, knowing his family would be waiting for him. He hoped talking to Michelle would help him shake the worst of the rage he was feeling.

Callen said he was sticking around to wait for Nate to return, in case he had more insight that could help. He was also looking forward to a few beers with the friend he rarely saw.

Eric and Nell exchanged a look, and neither moved from heir seats as they continued with their fruitless searches. A few moments later, Hetty returned.

"Do not make me order you to leave, Ms. Jones, Mr. Beale. I need you fresh and alert tomorrow. It would do well for you to go home and unwind. Now." She said sternly. Again, they exchanged a look but silently had to admit they were making no progress. Reluctantly they gathered their things and headed out to Eric's car. He finally broke the silence by asking

"Where to?"

* * *

><p>When Kensi finally noticed the bag of food on the table in front of her, something in her calmed as the familiar scent wafted out. She leaned forward and opened the bag with a small smile.<p>

"Thanks, Nate" she said quietly. "Sorry for telling Deeks to make you go away."

"Always knew the way to your heart was through your stomach, Fern." Deeks said with a grin. Nate looked a bit surprised at Deeks joking, but was pleased when Kensi actually smiled back and swatted Deeks' hand as he reached for the food.

"Damn right. And this is mine. " she told him. Nate hadn't realized just how right he'd been that Deeks would know what Kensi needed most.

After Kensi had selected her food, she gestured to the men to grab theirs. They both obliged, and there was a calm silence as they ate their food. As Kensi rapidly finished hers, there wasn't even a moment for her to glance at Deeks before he handed her the remainder of his food, without so much as a pause. Nate grinned inwardly.

Deeks began to tidy up while Kensi finished eating. While he was in the kitchen, Nate turned to Kensi and gave her a knowing look.

"You two seem to be doing a lot better than last time I saw you." He said.

"Yeah. We've sorted a few things out." She said, purposely being vague. She was unsure where she and Deeks stood, especially given recent events. "He's a good friend. And I know he's always got my back. And he knows I've got his." She glanced over as she saw Deeks retrieving a tub of ice cream from the freezer. He knew her better than she knew herself sometimes.

She silently accepted the spoon and tub that he handed her when he returned to the room. At this point, Nate couldn't be quiet anymore.

"I'm glad to see you two worked things out. But I should head out. Need to meet up with Callen and I should let the two of you get to bed. I mean, on your own. Or, um, whatever sleeping arrangement you want. Not that it's any of my business. Yeah, I should go." Nate was now wishing he had opted for silence. Kensi was clearly uncomfortable, and Deeks was mildly amused, but Nate could only see the ghost of a grin before Deeks' focus returned to Kensi.

"That sounds like a good plan." Deeks said. "Kensi needs the rest. And I bet Callen and the rest of the team are looking forward to seeing you. It's been too long since we saw you last, and you don't seem to hang around too long."

"That might be different this time" Nate spoke cautiously. "Hetty is thinking about reassigning me around here for a bit." Deeks nodded, but noticed that Kensi had gone silent. He turned to her to see if she was ok, but he was greeted by a familiar blank face.

"Kens? Kensi? You ok?" He came around to sit directly in her line of view, but she didn't acknowledge him in any way. "Kensi, it's Deeks. I'm right here. Are you ok?" He didn't notice as Nate came around beside him.

"Deeks, has this happened often?" He asked cautiously.

"A few times. At first I thought it was flashbacks, but her flashbacks are usually loud and violent. But she's done this a few times today, and yesterday." Deeks explained.

"What happens when she comes out of it?" Nate asked.

"Usually it's when I touch her, or something is really loud. She jumps, sometimes yells."

"And when it's a flashback?" Nate continued. Deeks blushed and gestured to his sling and his face

"I think that's pretty obvious... If I touch her, she lashes out. So usually I just talk to her calmly until she snaps out of it on her own." Deeks was starting to worry. "Nate, what's going on with her? Is she ok? Did I do something wrong?" The look on Deeks face was rapidly turning to panic and guilt.

"You didn't do anything wrong. But I think she's dissociating." Nate started, wanting to keep things easy for Deeks to understand. "It happens sometimes during or after trauma. It's one of the ways the brain tries to cope with something like this." He gently put his hand on Kensi's as Deeks watched. Kensi startled, as Deeks had predicted, and then leaned back.

"Sorry" she whispered. "I'm not sure what happened." Deeks and Nate exchanged a look, as Deeks sat beside Kensi and put his good arm around her. Then Nate spoke up.

"Kensi, I think what happened is what's called a dissociative episode. It happens sometimes when someone has experienced trauma. It can happen during, and after, a traumatic event. Your brain tends to go somewhere else, almost as if it separates from your body. But it isn't something to panic about. We can talk about it tomorrow." He told her. "Deeks seems to know what you need. He'll take care of you." He reassured them both. "You're going to be ok." He reminded her, as he stood up to leave. "Call me if you need anything. Any time, day or night. My phone's always on. Otherwise, I'll see you tomorrow." He nodded to Deeks and then slipped out the door.


	26. Chapter 26

Nate and Callen met at a bar near Nate's temporary home. Hetty kept an apartment ready for him whenever he was in town. They sat down in heavy silence as they drank, then chatted about everything except the elephant in the room - Kensi. Finally, Nate spoke up.

"So I asked Deeks what was going on between him and Kensi." He said. Callen nodded with a questioning look. "They're best friends who sometimes fall asleep on each others' couches while watching Top Model or Titanic for the two billionth time. And that's a direct quote." Callen looked at Nate again, skeptically.

"I have no reason to believe otherwise." Nate told him. "Deeks is great undercover, but he's a bad liar in day to day life. Everyone can see something is there, Kensi and Deeks included. I honestly believe nothing has happened between them. But he's close enough to be able to help her, probably even more than I can. He can read her well enough to know what she needs. And I think that's what matters most right now. It just might be the thing that gets her through this all."

Callen sat silently, deep in thought.

"That's what matters most right now." He finally said. "How is she doing?" He asked.

"She didn't want to talk tonight. She asked Deeks to send me away at first, but when she smelled the food she was almost back to normal. It's going to take a while for her to be ok. But Deeks is taking care of her. And she agreed to talk tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes. I'll make sure to bring up what Lindsey suggested."

* * *

><p>Nell and Eric sat in silence in the car, his question hanging in the air over them. Suddenly at the same time, they both said<p>

"Take out. Then yours/mine." which was followed by calls of "Jinx" and a rare laugh.

Eric started the car as they headed in the direction of their favourite take out place. Nell was on her phone, placing their order. Eric smiled. Their lack of need for words was beginning to rival that of Callen and Sam, or Kensi and Deeks - but at the thought of Kensi he quickly sobered. He couldn't imagine how helpless Deeks was feeling right now, and didn't know what he would do if Nell were attacked. He forced himself to push these thoughts from his mind, and focus on the driving.

When he pulled in to the parking lot, he popped his seat belt and got up to run in. He had expected Nell to wait in the car, and was surprised when she followed him in.

"You could have waited in the car, I'm only going to be a second" he told her.

"I know." She said, suddenly embarrassed. "Do you want me to go back out and wait?" She asked, unsure of herself.

"No, of course not, that's not what I meant." Eric stumbled over the words. "Whatever you want to do is fine with me." He blushed.

Nell retrieved the bag of food as Eric pulled out his credit card, and a few minutes later they were back in his car, on the way to his place. Nell stared out the window, not speaking until they parked.

"I'm afraid to be alone. I'm safe at ops. But anywhere else? I don't want to be alone. Not even for a minute." She whispered. Eric was silent as he tried to process what she had said. He was blown away that she trusted him, with both her fear and her safety. But he cherished that trust and swore to himself, once again, that he would do anything for her.

"I won't leave you alone ever again, if that's what you want" he said, sincerely, realizing only afterwards how presumptive it may have sounded.

"You don't need to go that far, Wolfram" she teased him. "Just don't expect me to sit in the car by myself."

Relieved, they headed to his apartment in silence. He unlocked the door and held it open as Nell ducked under his arm and darted inside. She went straight to the fridge to retrieve a beer for each of them, and cutlery for dinner. Eric set up his gaming console so they could play old school video games while they ate. He knew that competition would be the best way to distract Nell from everything troubling her.

She sat on the floor next to him, and reached across to grab the bag of food. She handed Eric his beer and cracked hers open before taking her controller.

"What are we playing?" She asked.

"Mario cart" he replied gleefully. "And I'm going to kick your ass." He added.

"Bring it" she said. "You're going to eat my dust"

Several hours later, the take out containers were empty, as were several beer cans. Nell was giggling as she beat Eric once again.

"Come on! You can do better than that!" She cheered, laughing as she leaned over and put her hands over his. "Let me help you. I'll show you how to do it."

Eric froze as her hands were on his, her body half in his lap. He knew he could play better, but he loved seeing Nell win. But now he was second guessing that decision, because he could barely see straight and he felt his body tingling everywhere Nell's body had made contact. This was a bad idea. He didn't even notice as she finished the round, beating his best time of the night. Even drunk, she could beat him. She turned to face him, wondering why he had gone silent. He was staring at her with a look she didn't recognize, but she realized just how adorable he really was. Without thinking, she leaned in closer and placed a gentle kiss in his cheek.

"Thank you, for all of this". She said. "For dinner, letting me stay, distracting me from everything. You really are amazing" she whispered, never looking away from him. "I don't know how I got so lucky to be your partner." She paused, watching as he shifted his weight slightly. She decided to give in to the overwhelming urge that had plagued her for so long, and she kissed him on the lips.

Eric froze, wondering if he was awake or dreaming. This couldn't be real. Nell, the most amazing person he had ever known, the beautiful, fiery, brilliant analyst, was kissing him. But dream or not, he wasn't going to let this chance pass him by, and he kissed her back.


	27. Chapter 27

_Author Note - It sounds like a lot of you are in it for the long haul. When I started I had no idea how long this would go on, but it looks like it may be a while. For reference, we're now on the second night since Kensi's attack. Yup, just the second night. And unlike Bulletproof Blye, I'm not going to skip a few days, sum it all up and be done with it. Because every day in Kensi's recovery will be unique and challenging.  
><em>

* * *

><p>When Nate left, Deeks turned back to Kensi.<p>

"How are you doing?" He asked gently. She sighed.

"I don't know... I just don't know." She replied. "It's exhausting. One minute it's like life is normal. Then I remember, and wonder how things can be normal. I just want it all to not have happened. I want to wake up and find it's just a bad dream." She stopped as he sat next to her, and rested her head on his shoulder. "But the nightmare is real."

Deeks felt helpless as he ran his hands through her hair, wondering how to help her. Nate had told him he knew better than anyone what she needed, but he still felt so unsure. Finally, he spoke quietly.

"It's going to get better. But until then, we're all here for you. Whatever you need, we'll make it happen. We've got your back, Kens. I've got your back." He said. He felt like he was repeating himself a thousand times a day - but he would say it again, as many times as she needed, until she believed it. "So what do you say we put on a movie? Your choice. I'll go make us some popcorn." He suggested. She nodded timidly as he got up to go through his collection of DVDs. He pulled out a few suggestions he thought she might like until she nodded. Despicable Me it was. He thought children's movies might be the safest bet. He popped the DVD and handed her the remote as he went to make the popcorn. A few moments later, he heard her ask

"Can you grab me a beer?" He hesitated. It was so normal. As if they were just hanging out, watching a movie, any other day. Her voice was strong, almost bossy - the Kensi he was used to. At first, he was unsure if it was safe for her to drink, but quickly brushed that aside. It might help her relax. And one beer wouldn't hurt. So he grabbed one for each of them from the fridge, and took them over to the couch along with a bowl of popcorn. For the next two hours, it was as if nothing was wrong. They were just two friends hanging out watching a movie, throwing popcorn at the screen and each other as they laughed at the hilarious antics of the minions in the movie. He felt a wave of relief that they had this break, however long or short, to unwind and be their normal selves.

As the movie ended, they stretched and yawned.

"I think it's time to call it a night, Princess" he said. "What do you say we head to bed?" He was pleasantly surprised at the punch she landed on his arm, and he yelped in mock pain. "Hey, I need that arm!" He laughed. She stuck her tongue out at him.

"Then don't call me Princess." She shrugged. "I get the right side." She called over her shoulder as she headed to his room.

"Always." He replied with a grin. When his bedroom door opened, she was dressed in the track pants and tshirt he had left on the bed. He entered and found something clean to wear, and crawled into bed next to her. When she didn't relax, he tapped her arm and told her he'd be right back. He hopped up and went out to his living room. He grabbed something from the couch and realized that for the first time today, she had shed her security blanket. He returned to his room and stretched out next to her, reaching his arm over her to tuck something into her arms. She smiled as she realized it was his cat pillow. She hugged it tight and felt her body finally relax, with Deeks' arm around her and his pillow in her arms.

* * *

><p>Eric woke up to what he was sure was a cow moing. He was disoriented and confused for a moment when he felt the heavy weight in his arms but quickly realized it was Nell, and the previous night came rushing back to him.<p>

The kiss had been soft and sweet and gentle, with only a tiny hint at the passion they both felt underneath. But it had ended there. They both knew that this wasn't something they could rush. To keep it from blowing up in their faces they needed to take it slow. So they had instead chosen to go to bed, with Nell falling asleep cuddled in his arms. He had stayed awake for over an hour, never wanting the moment to end. But apparently he had eventually fallen asleep, as he was now waking up to the sound of barnyard animals.

He carefully slid his arm out from under the sleeping pixie he had been holding, although it was completely numb and useless. He shook it as he sat up and went to look for the irritating noise that had woken him. As his head cleared, he realized it was Nell's phone - she had that annoying ringtone that mooed. He wondered who would be messaging at such a late hour - upon finding her phone, he discovered it was 2 am. The damn phone mooed again, and indicated that she had received several texts. He looked back at his bed where she was sound asleep. He decided that if it was sent at such an odd time, he should probably check to see if it was important. He looked at the screen and momentarily wondered if she would forgive him for invading her privacy. With one more glance at her sleeping form, he decided he should go ahead. He activated the picture password, and opened the texts. The number was unidentified.

The first message was simple. It read "Have a good time the other night?" with a photo of Kensi and Nell together. An uneasy feeling settled in the pit of his stomach.

The second message asked "Are you ready for a turn?"

The third read "This is what you have to look forward to." and had a video file attached. He tapped to open in and waited as it downloaded. The first few seconds were dark and difficult to make out. The sound was muffled. As he stared at it, he caught a glint of light reflecting off something long and thin. Then as the image cleared, he heard a whimper and a scream, and suddenly recognized Kensi. He frantically stopped the video, then ran for the washroom and emptied his stomach.


	28. Chapter 28

As Kensi dozed off, Deeks was lost in thought. He was relieved for this sudden transformation but had no delusions it would last. He had enjoyed feeling normal, but was still on edge as he wondered what would happen next. While it was completely normal for someone to have such violent mood swings after trauma, Kensi took everything to extremes. And he was scared just how extreme things would go.

He replayed the past two days over in his mind. So much had changed, so much had happened, and so much progress had already been made. Right now, the responsibility of protecting her and finding her attackers weighed heavily on him. He was starting to doubt his abilities and whether he had made the right choices so far. But when he looked at the sleeping woman in his arms, he knew he was doing his best. And she seemed to appreciate it all. He nuzzled her hair gently. It no longer smelled of her shampoo. He would help her wash it tomorrow if she wanted.

When he heard the whuffling snores coming from his partner, he rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He thought back to Lindsey's visit, and found himself wondering what had been going through Kensi's mind when they discussed options to prevent a pregnancy. While it was an unlikely scenario to consider, it was still in the realm of possibility. The Kensi he thought he knew would have taken the pill in a heartbeat, eager to put this behind her. But the Kensi he saw had refused, unwilling to make the decision and begging him to do it for her. It was something he knew he couldn't do. He could run the investigation - but this had to be her choice, for her body and her future. And while to him the decision was easy and obvious, it was clear that for Kensi there was more to it. He promised himself he would try to get her to talk about it tomorrow, and make a decision before it was too late for the meds to work.

Deeks' anger flared up again as he remembered the extensive list of injuries catalogued in Lindsey's report. These monsters had to pay for what they had done, but every means of torture he could fathom seemed inadequate to avenge the pain they had put his beautiful partner through. Silent tears began to run down his face as he thought about how much they had taken from her. He could only hope that she would heal. That he and the team would be enough to help her one day thrive again.

Kensi started to flail in her sleep, and she began to cry out and moan. Without thinking, Deeks reached out and stroked her arm. A moment later, he remembered why he shouldn't touch her during a nightmare or flashback. When he regained consciousness after a moment, he reached up to touch his face. He was pretty sure she had broken his nose. And somehow, she had slept through it all and a peaceful look was now on her face. Leave it to Kensi to be at peace after knocking him out and breaking his nose.

After easing himself up, Deeks retrieved an ice pack for his nose. A quick glance in the mirror confirmed it was swollen and already bruising. As he gently palpated it, he knew it was broken. He thought about asking Lindsey to come help, but decided against it. After three attempts to straighten it himself, and soaking through a towel with blood, he changed his mind and fired off a text. If she was asleep and didn't answer, it could wait until the morning. He went back to the kitchen and downed a few painkillers, then sat on the couch to watch mindless tv. He had left the bedroom door open in case Kensi had another nightmare.

He was surprised when Lindsey returned his text quickly. She advised him to keep the ice pack on and she would be there soon. He sent her his address, and was shocked when she was at his door a few minutes later. Apparently she only lived a block away. He was extremely grateful for the happy coincidence.

It only took a minute for her to determine that his nose would need to be cauterised before she could set it. He was nervous at first, but she reassured him it involved no needles (he wondered how she knew of his phobia) and would be over quickly. True to her word, a minute later the blood had stopped. He clenched his teeth and managed to smother the groan as she reset his nose and bandaged it up. After a quick examination, she determined he had a very minor concussion and could return to bed. But before she left, she felt the need to speak up.

"Obviously I don't know you that well, but I've seen situations like this before. You need to stop letting her beat up on you. It's only going to hurt you both in the long run, and she doesn't need the guilt of hurting you on top of everything else. Take it easy. And maybe you should ask your coworkers for some training on evasive maneuvers.

* * *

><p>Callen heard his phone bleep and woke with a start. He had a text from Lindsey, updating him that Deeks now had a broken nose and mild concussion, and that it might be worthwhile having someone talk to him. He sighed loudly as he read the message. After forwarding the message to Nate, he rolled over to go back to sleep.<p>

It was less than an hour later when he was awoken again by a different noise. This one was reserved for emergencies, and could only be activated by Hetty. In moments he was dressed and out the door, then rushing to OSP to find out what was going on.

* * *

><p>After contacting Hetty, Eric tried to rouse Nell. She had swatted at him a few times before moaning at him to go away.<p>

"Nell, I have to go in to Ops. I don't want you to be alone. Can you wake up just a little, please? You can go back to sleep when we get there." He whispered, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. Her response was incoherent mumbling as she tried to sit up, then gave up and went back to sleep. Eric rushed around as he gathered their things and shoved a pillow in his bag. He slung his bag and Nell's over his shoulder then took a deep breath before scooping Nell up from the bed, blanket and all, and carrying her down to the car. He was grateful for how petite she was. Despite the panic he was feeling, at least he knew that for now, she was safe.

He set her in the passenger seat of the car and carefully buckled her in, not wanting to disturb her. While she seemed somewhat aware of what was going on, she made little move to help him. With Nell secured and their bags in the back, he couldn't resist placing a gentle kiss on her forehead before driving to Ops at such a speed that even Sam would be impressed.

Upon arriving, he went around to collect Nell from her seat. She was once again soundly asleep. Gently, he scooped her up and carried her inside. After placing her on the couch and tucking her in, he ran back to the car to retrieve their things. He slid the pillow under her head, placed her bag beside the couch, and quickly typed a note on her tablet telling her that he was upstairs after being called in to follow up on a new lead. Reluctant to leave her, he decided to activate her tablet's webcam so he could watch her from upstairs instead of running back down every few minutes. Once again, he couldn't resist the urge to press his lips to her cheek and whisper a promise in her ear that he would keep her safe. It was then that he was interrupted by a familiar cough behind him.

"Mr. Beale?"


	29. Chapter 29

Deeks returned to bed to see Kensi sprawled starfish style across the entire thing. He couldn't help but grin. Curling up next to her, in the space between her left arm and leg, he quickly fell asleep.

A few hours later, he awoke sharply - but it wasn't a nightmare or Kensi's screaming that interrupted his rest. He was unsure what was happening at first, but quickly became aware of his partner's hands on him. Unlike before, she wasn't inflicting pain. In fact it was quite the opposite. He had to shake his head sharply to clear it, to think clearly.

"Kens" he whispered "what are you doing?" Her hands paused for a moment as she replied.

"I need this. I need you." She said, her voice nearly begging, the same way she had begged him not to enter her room. "I need to feel... I need to heal. You're the only one I trust. Please."

It would be so easy to agree, to go along with this. But he knew it was wrong no matter what she said.

"I respect you too much to let this happen, Kens. This isn't what you need." He gently reached out and wrapped her hands in his own. He had so much to say to her, but this wasn't the time or the place. "You need time. You don't need this now. If you still feel this way in a month, we can consider it then. But you're in no shape for anything like this right now." He told her gently but firmly. "And I think you know that I'm right. This isn't going to erase the nightmares or the pain. It might distract you for a moment but it isn't going to heal you. And I think we would both regret it in the morning." She pulled back from him, her face filled with a mixture of raw emotions.

"We" she spat out. "Both of us. You'd regret sleeping with me?" She asked, her voice a mixture of hurt and rage. "You used to want me" she cried, her voice breaking, then turning to fury "What's wrong, am I not good enough for you now? I'm too broken, damaged goods? Or I'm not attractive anymore after what they did?"

Her words were cut off when he kissed her gently.

"Kensi, sweetheart, it's none of that. You know how I feel about you and nothing can change that. But what you're doing now, what you're asking - it won't help. Your body needs to heal. And when we take that next step, I want it to be because you want to take that step with me, not just to be rid of the nightmares that are haunting you." He felt tears come to his eyes, unsure if she was ready to hear the truth about how he felt, but knowing it needed to be said. "I love you. And I do want you, more than you can imagine. You're beautiful and strong and sexy. Nothing has changed that and nothing is going to make me want you less. But right now, I respect you too much for this. I won't hurt you, or take advantage of you. But I will love you." She had stilled completely at his confession, unable to process what he was saying. She started to cry quietly into his chest as his arms brought her close to him.

"It's ok, baby girl." He whispered to her. "Let it out. I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

><p>Callen met Hetty and Eric in Ops. No one else was there. He observed that Eric appeared frantic and was still in what appeared to be pajamas as he frantically tapped at the tablets in front of him. Something had clearly freaked him out.<p>

"What have we got, guys? Is this related to Kensi's case?" He asked, as Sam came rushing in behind him. Neither had noticed the video feed of Nell asleep on the couch downstairs.

"Yes. Mr Callen, I'm afraid so." Hetty said slowly. He wondered how she managed to look so pulled together at this hour.

"It would seem that Ms. Jones received an unfortunate communication from Ms. Blye's attackers" Hetty told him. Eric began pacing as he interrupted, never taking his eyes off the screens around them as he continued to work.

"They said she was next. They had a picture of her and Kensi together. And the video. I couldn't watch it. I mean, I watched the first few seconds because I didn't know what it was but as soon as I realized I stopped it." He paused, not wanting to tell them that the few seconds he had watched were enough to make him lose his dinner. "What are we going to do? I mean, I know what I need to do. I need to trace it and find out where it was sent from so we can track them but who's going to watch the video. We need it for evidence but who could stomach seeing that happen to Kensi? And what about Nell, she needs to be in a safe house with protection so they can't get to her. She's already afraid to be alone, do we have to tell her about this?" He froze as Hetty interrupted.

"Mr. Beale!" Hetty snapped forcefully, snapping Eric out of his panicked rant. "Ms. Jones is a trained professional. I understand not wanting to explain this to her in her current state" She gestured to the sleeping form on the screen. It hadn't been difficult to detect the smell of alcohol wafting off the small woman. "But I do not believe she would want this kept from her. And you will need her assistance."

Callen and Sam stood frozen in place, taking this all in. Kensi's attackers had recorded her attack and sent it to Nell as a threat. For some reason Eric had intercepted the message and contacted Hetty, without telling Nell - who was now asleep on the couch downstairs. Callen rubbed his head as he processed the information. It offered a wealth of new leads, but the threat on Nell was serious. And he couldn't help but wonder what was going on between her and Eric. Sam looked furious, and at the same time exhausted. He was the next to speak.

"Who is going to review the video for evidence?" He asked.

* * *

><p><em>Author Note<em>

_Thanks once again to all who have read, reviewed, favourited and followed this. And a very special thanks to Dubigail for her input/feedback/editing and to Kensi54382 for proofreading._

_I need to apologize for two things. _

_One - I've been having some serious writer's block for the past few days. I typically stay 2-3 chapters ahead of what I've posted, but I'm getting behind so there may be a few days without updates. Also, I have yet another crazy weekend coming up so may not get much chance to write.  
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_Two - the next chapter is very dark and graphic. I advise you to skip it if it may be upsetting for you (and I promise you won't miss any major details if you do). If you think it may be triggering, DON'T READ IT!  
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_I love hearing from my readers and am always open to suggestions, so feel free to PM me any time. I can't believe the following I've got already with only two amateur pieces, and one hardly-worth-mentioning piece of fluff. I'm happy to write special requests as long as it doesn't involve a) killing characters or b) non Densi/Neric pairings or c) Granger. You might notice he doesn't appear in my fanfics. I find him annoying, and unnecessary for my stories.  
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	30. Chapter 30

_Author Note_

_This chapter, especially, is not suitable reading for those under 18, or for anyone who may identify too closely with what Kensi is going through._

_I strongly advise that if you have any hesitancy about reading this, you proceed to the next chapter. Callen and Sam will update Eric with any relevant details gained from viewing the video that Nell received._

_I also hope no one will think less of me for posting this... I've gone back and forth on it a few times, and edited it a dozen times. But I think this chapter belongs._

* * *

><p>It was decided that Callen and Sam would watch the video to evaluate what clues may be present. They would meet with Nate afterwards to deal with any issues that might arise. She sent them to the boatshed where they could have privacy, and Eric and Nell would not have to view the video in it's entirety. Eric silently loaded the video to a tablet, and to the computer system in the boatshed. He took a few minutes to refresh the agents on how to capture relevant screenshots and send them to him for processing. All of them dreaded the task before them. Hetty had vanished after giving them their assignments, asking Eric to ensure she received a copy of the video as well.<p>

The drive to the boatshed was silent, both agents dreading what lay ahead. They would take firefights and bombs over this any day. When they arrived, they opened up the file as Eric had shown them, and a dark screenshot from the video loaded onto the screen. After exchanging a look of silent communication, Sam touched the play button on the tablet.

As Eric had told them, it began with a dark room, shapes barely discernable. A glint of light flashed off the blade of the knife, and things began to come into view. They could barely see Kensi restrained on the bed when they heard her familiar voice whimper then scream as her head was yanked back by her hair, exposing her already bloody shoulder to the camera. Without thinking, Sam stopped the video and turned away. They were only seconds into what was a fourteen minute video, and already he had seen more than he could take. He took a moment to gather his thoughts, and force himself to separate from what he was about to watch. When Callen nodded, he pressed play again.

They watched as a tall man stood over Kensi threatening her with the knife, piercing her flesh when she fought him. The audio was hard to make out when she spoke, and her movements were sluggish compared to what they were used to seeing from her. She fought the ropes that kept her restrained, and desperately tried to knee the man in the crotch when he knelt over her on the bed. She lacked the range of motion to hit her target, but he was clearly enraged by the attempt as he slashed the knife across her stomach, eliciting another scream from Kensi as he told her that might teach her to behave.

The attacker shifted his weight, blocking the camera as he leaned over Kensi and whispered in her ear. The agents struggled to make out the words as Kensi cried out and moaned. A minute later when he shifted back, her front was riddled with slashes as blood ran down her sides and pooled on the sheets. Callen slammed his chair back and stormed around as Sam paused the video.

"I can't just sit here and do nothing" Callen fumed. "We need to be out there, finding this monster so we can put a bullet in his skull, not sitting here watching as he tortures her. And what about Nell? He's got his sights on her next, and all we're doing is just SITTING here." Sam stood as he watched his partner, feeling the same rage.

"G, we've got no leads right now. We need to watch this to find them, so we CAN catch the miserable bastards. And it has to be us - do you really think Nell, or Deeks, could stomach watching this any better? So take a minute. Get it together. Then we need to do what we can to help find them and watch this video to find a damn clue."

They both took a few minutes to get themselves together. Sam grabbed a bottle of water, and when he had emptied it he crushed the bottle in his hands, glad to have an outlet, however small, for his anger. Callen had stepped outside for fresh air, with Sam watching closely to make sure he didn't take off. When he returned, Sam restarted the video.

The angle changed, and they could now see Kensi more clearly, but the attacker kept his face away from the camera. Only occasionally did they get a partial side view. Sam continued capturing images, while Callen took notes on when the attacker spoke, hoping Eric could possibly analyze the audio to find a match. Both remained unable to completely detach from the familiar face that was twisted in pain on the screen as the knife cut into her.

Callen turned away when he saw the damage done to Kensi's chest. It was part of her he had never hoped to see, and couldn't stomach seeing like this. He saw Sam clench his teeth and fists in anger. It was a miracle she hadn't bled out overnight before Deeks found her. On the screen, the attacker again leaned over her, whispering his intentions in her ear. He told her to be a good girl as he went about his business, or she would become intimately familiar with her knife. Neither could watch as the man harshly grabbed her waist and forced himself into Kensi, telling her that he owned her and she could never be with another man without thinking of him. When she tried to twist her body away, he grabbed the knife and thrust it into her thigh, holding her leg in place as he thrust into her, leaving her unable to move. When she screamed in pain, he only went faster, digging his fingers into the cuts on her chest. She said something inaudible, but it clearly threw the man into a rage as he pulled back and yanked the knife out of her leg.

They heard an unfamiliar gasp in the video - neither Kensi nor the attacker, as he took the knife and it disappeared from view between her legs. Kensi made a strange noise, then passed out from the pain. Sam could no longer contain his rage as he slammed the tablet on the table, breaking not only the screen but the case as well. Callen hardly noticed, he was struggling to keep from bolting out the door. When he realized what had happened in the boatshed, and not on the video, he shook his head. It was lucky the tablet was the only thing broken in here. He pulled out his phone and rang Eric.

"We, uh, might need some help. The tablet had a bit of an issue... might need to be replaced." He told Eric. "Any luck identifying the attackers yet?"

"I think we're making progress" Eric said. "It's a burn phone, of course. But it was synced with Kensi's phone while they were there, and they accidentally downloaded some of our security features so I think I can trace them that way. And I think I might have some luck with some of the images you guys have captured..." His voice trailed off, unsure what to say. "About the tablet, you can control the screen from the laptop hooked up there as well. So use that for now. Bring the tablet when you get back and I'll see if I can fix it." He heard a snort at the other end of the line.

"I don't think it can be fixed, Eric. Unless you have a hell of a lot of glue." Callen said before disconnecting. He set up the laptop, and waited for his partner to sit down again before pressing "play" once again.

The attacker ordered someone to get cold water, and a moment later he dumped it on Kensi, shocking her awake. She was now limp and weak, no longer fighting. He knew he had won. She was broken.

"Now shut up and let me finish, bitch" the attacker said. All Kensi could do was moan weakly as he resumed his activities. He pulled out a few minutes later, and groaned in pleasure as he finished, then left the view of the camera. All that was left was an image of Kensi, his semen mixing with her blood as it dripped down her side and onto the bed.


	31. Chapter 31

In Ops, Eric couldnt stop moving. He suddenly had a wealth of leads to attack and didn't know which to tackle first. He had already cloned Nell's phone and sent copies of the video to Hetty as well as the copy for Callen and Sam. He was grateful he hadn't been asked to watch.

He started running a trace on the number, and focused on analyzing screenshots from the video as Sam captured them. He struggled to avoid the images of Kensi, and focus instead on trying to clean up images of the attackers. Some of them were promising, and he had started compiling them into a composite image. He thought the image might be suitable to run for facial recognition, but it still had a ways to go. Every so often, he glanced over at the video of a sleeping Nell, reassuring himself she was safe.

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><p>Nell woke up slowly, feeling like she had been hit by a dump truck. As she opened her eyes, she felt confused. She took in the familiar sight of the bullpen and wondered what on earth had happened the previous night. She groaned quietly as she sat up, her head pounding. She was waking up at work with a killer hangover. Slowly, things came back to her. Kensi's attack, staying with Eric, drinking and playing Mario Kart the night before. But none of that explained how she ended up here. Her bag was on the floor beside the couch, and she realized her tablet was propped up on the table nearby, camera on. In any other situation she would be freaked out - but instead, it told her that Eric was watching her. She suspected that sometime overnight he had brought her in, needing to work on a case.<p>

But the only case they had at the moment was Kensi's. Realizing that they likely had a lead, she bolted upright. Had Hetty called her in as well? Suddenly she felt panicked. She reached down to the bag to grab her phone, but it wasn't there. Now that was weird. Maybe Eric had forgotten to grab it. She shook her head again, trying to clear it and then headed up to Ops.

The doors opened, and Nell stepped in. Eric looked up, and Nell saw a look of panic on his face as he frantically tried to hide what he was working on.

"Uh, Beale, what's going on?" she asked. She couldn't help looking over his shoulder. "Wait, what are you doing with my phone?" Glancing up at the screen, she saw some of the screenshots "and where the hell did you get those?" she asked as her face paled.

Eric froze as he looked at her, having no idea where to start.

"It, uh, they sent... um, your phone is... I had to, I mean I... last night, you were out cold and I didn't want to wake you up and..." He stuttered, eyes wide with

"Beale" she snapped "What is wrong with you?" and she reached for her phone. Eric shot up as he put himself between her and the phone and grabbed her arms.

"You don't wanna do that" he said. "Your phone is, kind of, well... it's evidence." Nell looked stunned, and stopped. Just then, Hetty stepped in.

"Ms. Jones, I trust you slept well? I see that an explanation is in order. Mr. Beale contacted me last night to inform me that evidence related to Ms. Blye's attack was sent to your phone. He brought you in with him when we met this morning, but you were in no condition to work at the time. Mr. Beale has been working for quite some time, and I'm sure he could use your assistance. After the two of you get something to eat, that is." She looked pointedly at them. "There is breakfast available downstairs. I believe you two have some things to discuss." She slipped out of the room, leaving both techs confused.

Nell turned to Eric, who still looked rattled. His face was a mix of confusion and fear. As many questions as she had, she knew she wasn't going to get anything out of him yet. So instead of interrogating him, she grabbed his arm and dragged him out of Ops and downstairs, where Hetty had set up an assortment of muffins and fruit, and more importantly, coffee and tea. She grabbed two coffees and an apple then sat down, handing one of the coffees to Eric. He went to take a sip, but his shaking hands made him spill the coffee instead. Nell couldn't wait any longer.

"Spill." She said, staring intently at him. His eyes flew wide open as he started to stutter again, clearly not knowing where to start. "What evidence?" She asked. "What did they send me?"

"A video" he told her, his voice barely audible. "of Kensi. But I couldn't watch it. Callen and Sam, they're at the boatshed watching it. They've been taking screen shots so we can try to ID him." Nell watched him intently. She didn't need to ask to know the video was of at least part of Kensi's attack.

"Why?" She asked, wondering what reason they could possibly have to have sent her the video. "And how?"

"It looks like they hacked Kensi's phone. They got a picture of you the night you were out, and your number. I'm trying to figure out how much else they copied... but they stupidly copied our tracking software so we should be able to find them. That's what I've been working on." He explained, trying to appear calm. "How" was a question he could answer. He hoped she wouldn't notice that he had conveniently sidestepped the "why" part.

"OK..." she said slowly. "But that doesn't answer the why. Eric, what aren't you telling me?" She asked, her eyes boring holes into him. The fear she saw in his face shook her right to her core.

"They said you were next." He whispered.


	32. Chapter 32

Kensi woke up to the smell of coffee and bacon. The bed next to her was empty, but the smell told her that Deeks hadn't gone far. She sat up slowly, and tried not to think about the previous night. Everything he had said was right and yet she had yelled at him and accused him of being superficial. What was she going to say to him? She was tempted to crawl back under the blankets, but it would be pointless - she couldn't avoid him forever. She hauled herself out of bed and padded off to the bathroom to clean up before facing Deeks.

The sight in the mirror was worse than she expeted. Her bruises had surfaced, and she had dark circles under her eyes. Her hair was stringy, and her clothes were a wrinkled mess. She looked longingly at the shower, but knew she couldn't get her stitches wet. She settled for washing her face instead. She needed to brush her hair, but her brush was at home, and she had yet to look through the bags from work. Tears welled up in her eyes at the realization of just how much of a mess she was.

This was how Deeks found her. He had heard her stirring and decided to give her a moment before bringing her coffee and breakfast in. He saw her standing at the sink, looking in the miror with tears running down her cheeks. Leaving her breakfast on the nightstand, he quietly tapped on the door to announce his presence beforer he entered. She looked at him in surprise, noticing the bandaged nose for the first time, but she didn't need to ask to know she had done it. He reached out towards her to brush the tears away, then pulled her into a gentle hug.

"Breakfast is ready" he told her. "Maybe after that, I can help you wash your hair if you like?" She looked up at him and nodded, surprised again that he knew just what she needed. They went back to the kitchen, retrieving her breakfast and coffee on the way, and they sat down to eat. He had not only made bacon, but chocolate chip pancakes as well. He put the syrup on the table, knowing she would want more than he had already put on. They ate in silence for a few minutes before she spoke up.

"About last night. I'm sorry. I don't know what..." she started before he interrupted.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for. It's ok. But I meant what I said, Kens. You are just as beautiful, strong and sexy as ever. Nothing will ever change that in my eyes." He told her sincerely. "And" he added playfully "if you still want me when you're healed, I can totally help you with that." Leave it to Deeks to lighten the dark mood by taking something serious and making it into a lighthearted joke. While it normally pissed her off, today she appreciated it.

"Thanks, I think" she said, as she got up to refill her coffee. Deeks got up and cleaned up the dishes while she enjoyed her second cup. For a wonderful moment, it was like things were back to normal.

"So... do you want a hand washing your hair?" He asked. She thought about refusing, insisting on doing it herself - but she knew it would be awkward. He saw her hesitation and spoke up again. "I did do that undercover stint as a hairdresser. I know what I'm doing, and I can keep it professional." That sealed the deal, and she nodded.

"Sure. It needs it." She agreed, still a bit reluctant.

"Give me 2 minutes" he said with a wink, as he grabbed a chair and carried it to the bathroom, placing it in front of the sink. He disappeared into the closet and returned with a waterproof cape, a collection of brushes and combs, and a blow dryer. She rolled her eyes.

"I thought you were just going to wash it. I can do the rest myself." She told him.

"Humour me." he insisted as he shed his sling. "If you don't like it, I'll wash it again and you can do it. We don't have anywhere to be, and it'll be fun." He was almost pleading. "Please, Kens?" She rolled her eyes again, but gave in.

"OK, fine." She sat down on the chair and allowed him to wrap the cape around her. It was easy to relax as she leaned back and he turned on the water, then gently started washing her hair. When he began massaging the shampoo into her hair, she couldn't help but sigh as she relaxed into his hands. She could get used to this. Deeks grinned as he felt her relax. He knew this was what she needed - and he couldn't lie, he loved the excuse to run his hands through her beautiful hair. He found himself wanting to touch it the day they met, and that feeling hadn't changed a bit. He was going to make the most of this, massaging her scalp, and spending a lot more time than was necessary rinsing the shampoo out. Next, he added conditioner and carefuly made sure it thoroughly coated her hair. He would have loved to offer her a neck massage as the conditioner worked it's magic, but he knew he was already pushing his shoulder too far. Reluctantly, he finished rinsing her hair then wrappped it up in a towel before moving the chair over, with its back to the mirror.

Kensi was amazed at how good Deeks was at this. It was another hidden talent she didn't know he had. If she had, she would have been making up excuses to have him wash her hair far before this. But she was even more impressed as he set to work gently combing out her hair before plugging in the dryer. He worked a small bit of cream through her locks before turning it on low, and setting to work. She kept trying to peek behind her, but he stepped in the way every time and teasingly scolded her in his "Sven" voice. When he was finally done, he let her turn around and her jaw dropped.

While he had only done her hair, she looked a million times better. The bags under her eyes seemed lighter, and the bruises less noticeable. Probably because all she could focus on was how perfectly he had styled her hair. He made the most of her natural curl, but kept it from becoming unmanageable. She looked up at him and grinned.

"Thank you. It looks amazing. I had no idea you could do this." She said, unable to take her eyes off the mirror.

"It's nothing" he said with a shrug, "just something I picked up. I thought it might help you feel a bit better if your hair was clean. Do you want me to leave you alone so you can wash up as best you can?" He asked. She paused, thinking.

"Yeah, that might be a good plan. Can you find me something clean to wear? I promised I'd see Nate today, and I was thinking we could go in to work and meet him there? I mean, if you want to, and that's ok." She started to backtrack, not wanting him to feel she was telling him what to do.

"Sounds like a plan. I can grab some reports to work on, and I'm sure everyone wants to see you. I'll call Hetty and let her know." He said, leaving the room. When the door shut, he couldn't help but smile - Kensi was definitely feeling better.


	33. Chapter 33

Nell stared at Eric, seeing the fear in his eyes. Even though this was what she had been afraid of, having it confirmed didn't make her more scared - it made her angry.

"Beale, look at me," she said, grabbing his shoulders. "I'm right here. I'm in Ops, this is like, the safest place on earth. They aren't going to get to me here, and you're going to find them before they get a chance. So there isn't anything for me to be afraid of. They screwed up - they made it possible for us to track them. Now let's get back upstairs and do it," she told him firmly.

Upstairs, she looked around at what Eric had already accomplished as she grabbed her tablet to help.

"So what do you want me to do?" she asked, sounding confident but secretly hoping it wouldn't involve looking at pictures of Kensi.

"Well, so far I've determined that they copied the picture and your contact info from Kensi's phone, as well as our tracking program. I've activated tracking but the phone is off. I've got the phone records, you could start by going through those. And then we've got the video... Callen and Sam have sent me screenshots any time he shows part of his face. I've started compiling them to see if we can get enough to run facial rec. Callen is sending me a list of times to listen for audio as well to try to find a voice match if facial rec doesn't work," he explained. She was grateful for the job running phone records.

"OK, sounds like a plan. Let's catch these bastards," she said.

* * *

><p>After watching the video for the third time, Callen was sure there was nothing more they could get from it. And he was ready to be done. Despite having done no physical work today, he was exhausted and drained. And he was ready to murder the bastard in the video - slowly and painfully.<p>

Sam felt the same way. He needed to go to the gym and beat on the punching bag again. But before they could, they were required to meet with Nate. He was about to grab his phone to call Hetty, when there was a knock on the door and Nate stepped inside.

"I hear it's been a rough morning," he started.

Callen snorted, and Sam just stared.

"Yeah. You could say that," Callen finally said. "This isn't exactly how I planned to spend today."

"But it's worth it if it gets us closer to Kensi's attacker," Sam spoke up.

Nate nodded. "I'm sure that's true. But it doesn't make it any easier to see this kind of violence, especially when it's happening to someone you care about," Nate said, pausing in the hopes they might say something. The two agents just stared him down. "Look, I know you guys don't like when I'm here as a psychiatrist. But what you saw had to be tough. Are you sure you don't have anything to say about it? I'm not going to keep you out of the field. This isn't a psych eval. I just want to make sure the two of you are okay." He was shocked when Callen spoke first.

"I'd rather be shot than watch that again," he said, Sam nodding.

"It was worse than being electrocuted and watching them torture Deeks," Sam added. "She's our little sister. It's bad enough if she gets hurt in the field... but that - that's a million times worse."

Nate nodded in agreement. "You know it's alright to be angry," he said, gesturing at the smashed iPad on the table. "But you'll need to find a way to control your rage. You need to be able to focus if you're going to catch the men who did this."

"Kensi's the strongest person I know. And this has broken her," Callen interrupted, slamming the table in front of him. "Now they're going after Nell. We don't have time to find a way to control our rage. We need to be out there, stopping them."

* * *

><p>While Kensi was in the bathroom, Deeks called Hetty.<p>

"Hello Mr. Deeks. To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?" she asked.

"Kensi's doing better today," he told her "She'd like to come in to talk with Nate, and to see everyone."

"I see," Hetty replied, not nearly as enthusiastic as he had expected. "There has been a... development with her case, and I'm unsure how she will feel about that."

"What do you mean a development?" Deeks asked, surprised. "Did you ID them? Or did the lab get back to us? What did they find? And why didn't someone call me to let me know?" he continued, not pausing to breathe.

"Ms. Jones received a threatening message overnight, including a video of the attack on Ms. Blye," Hetty told him cautiously. "Mr. Beale called me immediately. He has been tracing the messages, while Mr. Callen, Mr. Hanna and Mr. Getz review the video to try to identify the attacker."

Deeks was silent as he tried to process what Hetty had said. A video. The attackers had recorded her attack - and if that wasn't enough, they had sent it to Nell as a threat. He had felt calmer when he called Hetty, but his rage was boiling over again. He was interrupted when Kensi returned, a genuine smile on her face. He fought to smother the anger he was feeling so she wouldn't know something was wrong - but he should have known better. The moment she saw his face, she knew something was wrong.

"Sorry, I've gotta go," he said into the phone before quickly hanging up, then turning to Kensi.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

He ran his hand through his hair, unsure what to say. "They're a bit busy with a case right now. Suggested it might be better for us to come in later. Nate can meet you here, or at your place, or we could go to the beach if you want?"

"OK..." she said slowly, "but there's more to it. What aren't you telling me?"

"It's nothing, Kens," he reassured her, hoping she wouldn't be able to see he was lying. "Just annoyed that there's another case."

For once, she didn't push things, and took him at his word. She had too much else going through her mind.


	34. Chapter 34

_Author Note - Sorry I've been MIA for a bit. Writer's block and real life got in the way again. Hopefully I'm back to a chapter every day or every other day now._

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><p>After thinking it over, Kensi had decided that Deeks' suggestion to go to the beach was a good one. While she was hesitant to go out at first, she knew he had her back - whether the danger be real or perceived. So that's where they were now - a quiet, secluded section of the beach. While it would normally be busy and hard to find a quiet spot, the dreary day had kept all but the most stubborn beachgoers away.<p>

They sat together, side by side, silently watching the waves. Kensi wondered if he regretted not having his board, but when she looked at him she saw no sign that he wanted to be anywhere but by her side. She sighed as she settled herself further into the sand. She appreciated him not pushing her or filling the quiet with pointless conversation - he was there if she needed him, but giving her the space she craved as her thoughts drifted. The silence between them was comfortable, filled only with the sound of the crashing waves and the occasional gull overhead. It was peaceful. It was what she needed.

And finally, after a silence that seemed to last for eternity, she was ready to speak. If only she knew how to voice the thoughts going through her head. She turned to look at him, and was surprised to see that he was watching her - and likely had been for a while.

"You look like you have something to say?" He stated, questioningly. A slight nod confirmed he was right.

"I just don't know how to say it." She said, with another deep sigh. "I know the thoughts - it's just hard to put them into words."

"Just let the words pour out. You might surprise yourself. And I'm pretty good at reading between the lines." He encouraged. "Come here" he opened his arms, motioning for her to join him. She quickly obliged, settling herself between his legs and allowing him to wrap his arm around her as she leaned back into him. He knew that when she had to talk about something difficult, it was easier to not have to face anyone. It was easier to talk to the waves.

"I know you're wondering why I didn't just take the pills Lindsey gave me. Especially when everyone knows how terrible I am with kids. Why I would even consider having a baby after all... that. It's not just because I'm stubborn, or crazy. I... I've just never told anyone before." She started. Deeks could feel her body shudder with silent sobs as he held her gently, and whispered quietly.

"You don't need to tell me if you're not ready, Kens. And I knew you had a reason even if you weren't ready to share. No one thinks you're crazy, we're just worried about you. But if you want to tell me, I'm here. I'll listen."

"I just... I can't do it. If there's even the slightest chance I'm pregnant, I can't end that possible life. I swore I'd never do it, not after what happened last time I" her voice broke as she started to cry. "After what happened last time I was pregnant." She choked out. Deeks thoughts were swirling - he had never known about Kensi having been pregnant before, and he doubted anyone else on the team did either. It may be a secret that even Hetty didn't know. But he contained his shock and held off on asking questions, as he held her close. She composed herself and continued.

"It was an accident, I didn't intend for it to happen. But I got pregnant. And it felt like everything changed. And even though it was like my entire future had crashed around me, I was excited. It took a few weeks to absorb the shock- but I was excited. I was going to have a baby, be a mom. I rewrote my entire future plans - everything revolved around the little being inside of me. At the first ultrasound, everything was perfect. There was a heartbeat, and I saw this amazing little human being formed, and I was so in love. It made everything in life seem so much better." She paused with a wistful smile. "And then as quickly as this little life had appeared, it was gone. When I went for my second ultrasound, there was no heartbeat. My baby..." she stopped, unable to say the words, as tears poured down her face again. Deeks pulled her even closer to him, wishing he could take the hurt away.

"After that, I realized that even though he wasn't born, he had been a person. My baby. And I knew right then, that I could never give up that chance if I had it again. No matter what the circumstances, I would never forgive myself if I took that innocent life, if I chose to end what could have been my second chance. And I don't hate kids. I just don't know how to be around them without thinking about it, and about what should have been. It hurts. And now... I might never get the chance to try again after what they did to me. I might never get to know that amazing feeling of growing life..." she let her voice trail off.

Deeks slid his sling off as he wrapped his arms around her tightly.

"I'm so sorry" he whispered. "I can't even imagine how hard that was. And then to have to relive that on top of everything now." His voice broke. "I'm so, so sorry."

* * *

><p><em>Author Note - I was totally unprepared for the response this would get. A few things to clarify - I am not getting into a debate on abortion or the use of Levonorgestrel or Mifeprex or similar medications. This is a work of fiction. Don't forget that. It is certainly not intended as medical advice or to sway someone's opinion! (Nor is this author's note intended to replace any medical advice.)<em>

_I am very aware how Levonorgestrel and Mifeprex work. And if you're quite observant you'll notice when Lindsey left the medications, she left multiple options for Kensi._

_The "morning after pill" (in this story, Leveonorgestrel) works by preventing an embryo from implanting. Whether "life" begins when sperm meets egg, egg implants, 22 weeks gestation or birth is not what I intend to discuss. But in THIS version of THIS FICTION, Kensi feels uncomfortable ending a "life" which to her (in THIS work of FICTION) begins when sperm meets egg, before implantation. So in this case, the morning after pill would terminate a potential life.  
><em>

_ Mifeprex is another option that Lindsey left for her. This is often called a "medical abortion" and can terminate a pregnancy up to 9 weeks gestation. _

_As for the comment that it seems Kensi wants to have her rapist's baby - all I can say is judge not lest ye be judged. Some women who have been raped DO choose to go on to have their rapist's baby. While you may not choose this yourself should you ever find yourself in that horrific situation, don't judge someone who may choose differently. It's a horrid choice no one should ever have to make. But there are plenty of women who have had to, and the last thing they would need on top of that is judgement._


	35. Chapter 35

Nell was busy analyzing all the information she could find on the burn phone which had sent her the video. There was very little to go on - the phone had copied information from Kensi's phone, including the photo that Nell and Kensi had taken while out. Nell's contact information was copied as well, and was the only number that had been contacted by the phone. She was able to continue digging deeper though, and found that the phone had used a large amount of data connecting to the internet and she was able to use GPS to create a map of locations the phone had been at, as well as the times. She was now trying to call up video surveillance of some of the locations at the time of use.

Eric was still attemtping to compile a photo suitable for use with facial rec. He had started to run his first trial, but was getting too many possible matches. He went back to each image Sam had captured and worked on enhancing each image before compiling them together. It was tedious and frustrating work, which used every ounce of his attention. As he was processing the images, an email alert pinged and he turned to another screen to check what he had received.

"We've got a lead!" He said, opening the email. "I got the DNA analysis results back!"

Nell was behind him in seconds, reading over his shoulder.

"So we've got 3 white males, all mixed european heritage. 2 Dark hair, 1 light, 1 dark eyes, 2 blue. One is a carrier for Cystic Fibrosis." Nell read out loud. "Not a lot to go on, but it's a start." She continued. "Does that help with your facial rec?" She mused.

"Yeah, I think the guy we've got is dark hair and dark eyes." Eric said. "That'll help me fix up the colour a bit, I think." He turned back to the screen he was working on and continued mumbling to himself as he tried to clean up the images Sam had captured. As he was working, he had another brainwave - he remembered the glint of the knife he had seen at the beginning of the video. It wasn't one of the images Sam had copied, but what if he could get a reflection off the knife? He thought it over for a minute, and decided it was worth a try. He swallowed and took a deep breath before starting to play the video, sound muted, so he could capture the images of the knife without disturbing Nell. When he had what he needed, he closed the video, relieved to be done with it. It wasn't until he heard Nell's strangled sob a minute later that he realized that the video hadn't closed - it had gone up on the main screen.

He rushed to remove the video from the screen above them as he apologized profusely to Nell. She didn't seem to hear him as she choked and cried, then rushed from the room. Eric froze for a moment before running after her.

He caught up with her as she headed for a quiet corner of the building, where she often went to think. The look on her face broke his heart as he reached out to wrap his arms around her.

"I am so sorry. You shouldn't have seen that. I can't believe I was so stupid... I'm sorry, Nell, I'm sorry." He whispered into her ear. He felt her sink into his chest as she cried, and he led them both to sit on the couch. He hated the way her body shook, both in shock and despair. And he hated even more that this was his fault - his carelessness had caused her to see the video he had tried so hard to keep from her. The only saving grace was how little of it she had actually seen, but clearly she had still seen too much.

Finally as her sobs slowed, she looked up at him and asked

"How on earth did she survive? If that happened to me... I don't think I could go on. I don't think I would want to."

* * *

><p>When Kensi was ready, she and Deeks headed back to his apartment for lunch. Her appointment with Nate was scheduled for 1 pm, but he had reassured her he was quite flexible if she wanted it to be sooner or later. Deeks had sureptitiously messaged back and forth with Hetty to discuss how to best go about bringing Kensi in. It was decided that Nate would break the news to her about the video during their session. Deeks felt a tiny bit of relief that it wasn't up to him, but he knew no matter who told her, it was going to go badly. And she would need him. He shook his head to clear the thoughts from his head, and focused on making lunch while Kensi napped on the couch again. He was relieved she was getting her rest.<p>

He threw together a plate of leftover lasagna for each of them, and debated if he should wake her or leave her to sleep. The decision was made for him when she started to flail and cry out. He left the plates on the counter as he went over to comfort her as she woke up - taking care to avoid getting hit. He didn't think Lindsey would be impressed if he racked up any more injuries. When Kensi's eyes flew open, she threw herself at him, breathing rapidly and clinging to him for comfort. As she calmed, the scent of freshly warmed lasagna hit her, and she glanced towards the kitchen. With a silent grin to himself, Deeks set her on the couch and retrieved the plates. Handing one over and keeping one for himself, he started to eat while keeping an eye on her to make sure she was ok.


	36. Chapter 36

After finishing lunch, Kensi took some time to prepare herself to head in to OSP. It seemed silly, in a way, to have to mentally prepare herself to go to the place where she spent most of her time - but still, she felt the need to step back and make herself ready to go. She knew it would be difficult to face the team, but she also knew that they needed to see her, almost as much as she needed them, and wanted some semblance of normalcy. At the same time, she wondered what "normal" was going to feel like now.

Deeks had kept Hetty in the loop about Kensi's progress, and messaged her as they headed out the door. He was honestly unsure what kind of reaction Kensi would get from her teammates and how she would react, but he wanted things to go as smooth as possible. Upon arrival, he glanced at his nervous passenger to see how she was feeling, but she had put up her walls and was doing her best to appear unaffected by what had happened.

Entering the buliding, Sam and Callen called out their greetings cautiously. While they could see through the thin veneer of confidence and calm that Kensi had put up, they went with it and treated her the same as any other day. A cup of coffee and a donut were on her desk, which made her smile.

"Thanks guys. Deeks isn't letting me have enough coffee. This is awesome." She grinned as she took a huge gulp.

"Just trying to keep you from going stir crazy, princess" Deeks retorted. "You've got enough energy without the caffeine. You'd be climbing the walls if I let you have your usual five cups a day!"

Kensi was about to turn and stick her tongue out at him, but was interrupted by a familiar voice.

"There she is. And even on time, despite Deeks driving! Will wonders never cease." Nate teased gently as he came down the stairs. Kensi smiled at him.

"I just want to go say hi to Eric and Nell, then we can go to your office?" She suggested, but Nate blocked her way.

"They're pretty busy right now." He said cautiously. "Why don't you check in with them a bit later."

Kensi gave him a look, and then turned to Callen and Sam who were doing their best to appear relaxed, but she saw past the facade.

"What aren't you guys telling me?" She asked, glaring at her teammates then turning back to Nate. Deeks felt the urge to make a joke about angry Kensi making an appearance, but wisely held his tongue.

"Mr. Beale has been up all night following a lead, with Ms. Jones' help. They should be finished by the time your appointment with Mr. Getz is done." Hetty said as she silently appeared.

"Let's go upstairs to talk." Nate said, gesturing in the direction of the second staircase, away from Ops. Kensi looked back at her coworkers once more before following Nate, with Deeks close behind. Nate's office had been aired out after months of being unused. Kensi and Deeks sank down into the couch, while Nate took a seat across from them, taking a deep breath. He looked at Deeks first and the two exchanged a look, which didn't go unnoticed by Kensi. She glared at Deeks then at Nate.

"Spill it. Now. Or I'm going to Ops, because Eric can't lie worth beans." She said.

"Your attackers copied information from your phone. They sent a threatening message to Nell last night, indicating she was next." Nate started to explain. A look of horror crossed Kensi's face.

"Oh, God, no. Not Nell. Is she ok?" Kensi choked

"She's fine, Kens." Deeks reassured her. "She's really up in Ops, helping Eric follow up on it."

"Wait, copied from my phone... are we compromised? They didn't get anything classified, did they?" She continued, sounding panicked.

"Kensi, stop. All they copied was Nell's number, and our tracking program. We are ok." Deeks said, grabbing her hands. "Nell is ok. OSP is good. But we need to focus on you." He said firmly. When she calmed down and started to focus, Nate continued.

"I'm sorry Kensi. But there's more. And there's no easy way to say this. Your attackers didn't just send Nell a message. They also sent her a video." Nate paused, allowing the information to sink in. Deeks squeezed her hand, watching closely. "The video was of you. They recorded part of your attack."

The colour drained from Kensi's face, and Deeks once again felt helpless. Nate watched and waited, unsure what kind of a reaction to expect. The silence in the room was tense - verging on smothering - as Kensi tried to process what she had heard and form a reaction. Her face twisted through a range of emotions before settling on a combination of anger and horror.

"Who watched it?" She finally managed to ask, glaring at Nate. It was Deeks who responded.

"Kens, is that important?" He asked, quickly realizing that was the wrong thing to say as she flew into a rage.

"YES!" She screamed as she stood up. "It's important. It matters. After what I went through the last thing I want is for anyone to WATCH it. Let alone people who know me, or respect me. I don't want anyone to think of me like THAT." She continued yelling, storming around the room. "So yes, it's important. I want to know who watched it, because I want to know who will be thinking about it every time I see them." She glared at Nate. "Who. Watched. It." She demanded.

"Kensi, no one is going to judge you or think less of you. And your team knows you are so much more than what happened to you." Nate tried to reassure.

"Who. Watched. The. Video." Kensi demanded, standing over Nate.

"Eric watched the first few seconds when Nell received it. As far as I know, Nell hasn't seen it. Callen and Sam reviewed it for evidence, and Eric has been editing the screen captures for facial recognition. And Hetty asked me to watch it so that I would have a better idea of how to help. But that's it." He told her rapidly. For a moment, he thought she was going to punch him, but instead she turned suddenly and glared at Deeks.

"How long have you known about this?" She asked him, her voice cracking with anger and sadness.

"When I called this morning to talk to Hetty." He admitted, hanging his head. "I know I should have told you, but I didn't know how. And I wanted you to enjoy this morning." He told her, pleading. She glared at him a moment, before storming from the room.


	37. Chapter 37

Nell cried into Eric's arms, trying to pull herself together. He held her and reassured her that she WAS strong, and that nothing was going to happen to her. And even if it did, he would be there for her no matter what. He stroked her hair as he promised he would do everything it took to keep her safe. It was only when she had stopped crying and started to pull herself together, that she managed to force herself to look at him. She heard every word he said, but it was the expression on his face that told her just how much he meant it all.

He tried to apologize again, but she cut him off.

"It was an accident. They happen." She told him. "But now we need to get back to work, so we can catch these asses before they can hurt anyone else." She grabbed his hand and pulled him back up to Ops.

"You know" Eric started as they sat down "Kensi is going to get through this. She's got Deeks, and she's got us. It might take some time but she's going to be ok." He told her.

"I know." Nell said "I just... I wish that no one had to go through this."

They sat in silence for a moment, before Eric gave her a hug.

"Come on. Let's catch these guys. Want to help with the knife reflection images?" He asked. Nell nodded enthusiastically.

"I just want to try another search for similar attacks, now that we've got a bit more information." She explained as she entered new parameters into a search program. "The video and threats give us another piece to try." She continued, then turned back to Eric. "Now let's work another miracle."

They worked together, sharing a laptop as they isolated a reflection in the knife, just as Eric had hoped. Together, they alternated using filters, clearing up the image and playing with the colour. Almost an hour later, they finally had what they needed - a clear picture of the attacker, suitable to run for facial recognition. Eric saved the image and dragged it to the facial recognition program, then they both leaned back with a sigh of relief.

"I knew we could do it." Nell said. "There's a reason they call us the wonder twins."

* * *

><p>Kensi entered the armoury and was surprised to see Hetty sitting at the table, with an open box of ninja stars.<p>

"Ah, Ms. Blye. I was expecting you." Hetty said. Kensi froze, still fuming and unsure what to say. "I thought you might be able to assist me by testing these out." She continued, handing the box across the table. "There are some targets set up for you in the gun range. I'll leave you be." She said, then quietly slipped from the room.

Kensi stared at the box in her hands, and continued to the gun range. While ninja stars weren't something she used regularly, she enjoyed the challenge and hadn't had as much opportunity to practice with as she would have liked. She was relieved to find the gun range empty, aside from several mannequins set up at the end. She looked down at the box before selecting a star. She handled it carefully, watching how it reflected the light and shone, before taking aim and throwing it at the nearest target. It sliced silently through the air before effortlessly cutting into the mannequin. She picked up the second star, and aimed for second target. It once again landed exactly where she had aimed.

It was forty minutes before she emerged again, her anger having dissipated with each throw. She knew she needed to find Deeks and Nate to apologize for her outburst, and Hetty to say thank you.

* * *

><p>Deeks had chased after Kensi as she stormed out of the room, but when he got to the armoury the door was closed. He heard Hetty's voice as he paused and decided not to enter. A moment later, the door opened as she slipped out of the room.<p>

"Ah, Mr. Deeks. I believe Ms. Blye may need some time alone. I've left her something to keep her occupied for now. I'll keep an eye on her. Why don't you and Mr. Getz check in with your team."

"Um, do you think it's a good idea to leave Kensi alone in a room full of weapons right now?" Deeks asked nervously. "Maybe I should stay with her?" He said as he edged towards the door.

"I'll keep her safe, Mr. Deeks." Hetty reassured him. "And I will call you the moment I think she needs you."

Deeks sighed, knowing he was fighting a losing battle. He followed Nate out of the room, glancing over his shoulder one last time as Hetty re-entered the armoury. He trusted Hetty with his life, there was no question about that - but he wasn't sure he trusted anyone with Kensi's.

When they were on their own in the hall, Nate slowed to a stop.

"She'll be ok." He told Deeks. "Hetty won't let her hurt herself. She knows as well as I do that Kensi is impulsive and volatile. But maybe shooting some targets will help her with her anger." Deeks nodded in agreement.

"I know. I know all that. But I can't help worying about her. I need to see for myself that she's ok. And I want to be there when she needs me." He said, not intending to sound as exhausted and desperate as he did.

"And that makes perfect sense, given the situation." Nate said. "She's your partner, and you want to have her back. But you've got to let us help, too. You're only human, and you can't do it all yourself. I mean, look where that's gotten you so far." He said, gesturing to Deeks' sling and face. "Let us help her. And let us help you, too, ok?"

"I know. And I'm trying. But you're right, she's my partner and I want to have her back no matter what. And she needs me. But she's going to want to try to push you guys away, especially now that she knows about the video and that you've seen it. She's going to be stubborn, and not let anyone see anything that might possibly be considered weakness... And now that she's angry." He stopped and shuddered "well, we all know how she gets when she's angry. Nothing will stop her, not even Hetty. Kensi Blye on the warpath is NOT someone to mess with."

"I know." Nate said. "But we're still going to do everything we can to help, and we're all going to help keep her safe."

Tears started to come to Deeks eyes and he couldn't bring himself to fight them.

"I'm scared." He told Nate in a hushed voice. "I can't lose her. I just can't."


	38. Chapter 38

Ops was quiet as the searches ran. Eric was exhausted and Nell had finally convinced him it was ok to take a break and rest. She promised to wake him if there were any new hits. She had set up a video feed of the shooting range for Hetty to watch Kensi and couldn't help but watch it herself. She was fascinated to watch as Kensi's rage diminished with each tiny weapon she threw, and couldn't help but smile as each one hit its target perfectly. Had the mannequins been real, they would never be fathering children.

She also observed as Callen and Sam returned, having been sent for a few hours rest after their early morning. Watching them now, she wondered if either had managed any rest at all. She felt a bit guilty that she was the only one who had a full night's sleep the night before. She saw Nate and Deeks join the senior agents in the bullpen, taking in Deeks' injuries and exhaustion with concern. Right now, he looked even worse than Kensi.

Turning to another screen, she couldn't help a small smile at seeing Eric stretched out on the couch, wrapped in the blanket he had brought for her. He looked adorably peaceful in his sleep. Almost childlike, except for his long limbs extending well past the end of the makeshift bed. She dared to let her thoughts wander a bit further before she was interrupted by a bleep. Excitedly, she turned to the screen and saw that they FINALLY had something to go on. She quickly entered the name into several databases and then ducked out of Ops and whistled loudly.

"We've got a name!" she called excitedly before ducking back inside, narrowly avoiding being crushed by a small stampede of 5 men. Eric sat in his seat with a thud, still trying to wipe sleep from his eyes, while Nell rapidly opened window after window on the screen.

"Derrick Henderson," she read. "No criminal record. Age 32." She dared to glance at the four men behind her, Nate's face neutral but rage clearly visible on that of Callen, Sam and Deeks as they looked at the picture on the screen. "He lives in the same general area as Kensi," she stated, as she pulled up a map and an image of his apartment complex. "And he works for an MMA gym. Interesting." She continued. As more searches yielded results, she added them to the screen, helping to piece together the existence of Derrick Henderson.

* * *

><p>Kensi was surprisingly unsurprised to find Hetty waiting for her in the armoury once again. She set the box of ninja stars on the table, waiting for her boss to say something. After several moments of silence, she finally did.<p>

"It's good to see you still have your fire, my dear," Hetty said quietly. "And excellent aim." She nodded pointedly. "I believe that skill will be useful in the near future. I would like you to hang on to these for now. I realize you have your weapon, but sometimes a situation calls for one of a more... delicate nature." Kensi nodded in appreciation. She felt naked without her knife, but at the same time was unsure she could ever carry it again.

"Thanks," she said. "For the stars. And for knowing what kind of a break I needed. I'm guessing you're the one who told Deeks to give me some space?" she asked, not needing confirmation. "I appreciate it. He's been great, he really has. But I just needed... some space." She continued. "But I should probably go apologize. To him, and to Nate. I wasn't very fair to them..."

"Nonsense, Ms. Blye. Mr. Deeks and Mr. Getz are just worried about you. I seriously doubt they would be expecting an apology," Hetty reassured her. "But if I'm not mistaken, I believe I heard Ms. Jones whistle, indicating that they may have a lead. So I imagine they are all up in Ops at the moment. And while I'm sure you want to join them, I believe you have an appointment with Mr. Getz to attend. I'll go inform your colleagues that you are ok. And I'm sure Ms. Jones will be happy to fill you in afterwards," she said firmly, leaving no room for argument. Kensi sighed as she followed Hetty out of the room. She detoured by the Bullpen to grab another coffee and a donut, before heading to Nate's office once again.

* * *

><p>Everyone was staring at the screens, taking in the information that Eric and Nell were collecting on Henderson. No one noticed when Hetty entered, until she directed Nate back to his office to meet with Kensi. Deeks went to follow, but Hetty stopped him.<p>

"Your partner will be ok with Nate. Right now, I believe you have an investigation to lead," she said pointedly. He felt torn, but knew that Kensi really would be ok with Nate, and if not, Nate knew where he was and wouldn't hesitate to come get him.

While staring at the screen as Nell filled Hetty in, he started to formulate a plan.

"We still don't know who the other two attackers are. Obviously Henderson was the one in charge, given the video and what Kensi has said. But I think we can do more than just bringing him in and asking who his buddies are. And we're not going to get a conviction without DNA," he started. While he knew some of what he was saying was nonsense, his teammates knew there was more to what he was thinking. "So what I'm thinking, is that we may need to run a short undercover op at the gym..." He let his voice trail off as he glanced back at Callen and Sam, who quickly caught on. "Maybe we send in a new fighter and his coach. Collect some DNA from other members to try to find a match. Just to be sure, of course, that we have the right men."

"But wouldn't we be better to just get this guy off the street now?" Eric asked, watching Nell.

"No, I think Deeks is right," Nell interrupted. "We should make sure to get some solid DNA evidence first. I'm sure Sam can take care of that for us, right?" she asked. Eric looked concerned, but his face softened when Nell whispered something in his ear. He turned back to his tablet, and began creating a backstory for Callen and Sam.


	39. Chapter 39

Nate entered his office to find Kensi sitting on the couch, coffee in hand. As he sat down across from her, he realized she was motionless, and her eyes unfocused. He was knew instantly that she had once again dissociated.

"Hey Kens. It's Nate." He said softly as he approached her. "You're ok. We're in my office, and you're safe. But I need you to come back to us now, from wherever you are." He told her, unsure if she could hear him. He lifted the coffee from her grasp and placed it on the side table. Her hand remained in place. "Come on Kensi. I know you're in there. This is a safe place, so you can come back." He spoke softly, but she still didn't respond. He gently put his hand over hers and lowered her arm. She didn't resist but didn't respond. Nate sighed. He hated seeing patients like this, but it was even harder when it was Kensi. Bad Ass Blye. Anyone would have said she was the strongest on the team, but at the moment she wasn't even a shell of herself.

He placed his hands on her shoulders firmly and knelt in her direct line of sight, but her eyes remained unfocused. He gently squeezed his hands to apply light pressure on her shoulders, but still got no response. His concern was growing, but he knew this wasn't unusual for a patient who had been through trauma. He considered several options - he could wait it out, he could be more forceful about getting her attention... but if she didn't come out of it soon, he was concerned she may need more psychiatric care than he could offer.

* * *

><p>Callen and Sam followed Hetty down to wardrobe, while Deeks talked with Eric and Nell. They didn't expect they were dealing with a criminal mastermind, but still wanted to be sure that things were in order, just in case. He knew that everyone was now on the same page, but couldn't voice the plan - to find Kensi's attackers and make them pay. A simple arrest wouldn't satisfy any of them, and while they all swore to uphold the law, sometimes, family was more important. He knew he would have no regrets - and he hoped the same could be said for everyone else he was involving. Callen had argued against Deeks' original plan, and they were now going to be going in as two MMA fighters. Deeks wished he could join them - his injuries might even give him more credibility. But he couldn't leave Kensi. He was also pretty sure he wouldn't be able to keep his cover when he was near Henderson - he would be too hellbent on making him pay.<p>

In wardrobe, Hetty was performing magic different from that of standard ops. Sam had already gone undercover as an MMA fighter before, when they first came across Deeks. But this time, there was a chance that Henderson had seen Kensi's picture of the team, and they didn't want to be immediately identified. Hetty rummaged through a collection of wigs, facial hair and facial prostheses before settling on several for each of them. The agents dressed and donned their new features and allowed Hetty to fuss and make minute changes until she was satisfied.

They took in their appearance and grinned at each other. Hetty had, of course done a great job. Callen sported a new scar on his cheek, a "missing" front tooth, and Deeks-like scruff. Sam got a short wig, as well as a goatee, and Callen couldn't help but make cracks about him finally having hair.

* * *

><p>Nate watched Kensi cautiously and allowed his thoughts to wander. He decided, that for now, she was in no danger and she didn't appear to be in any physical or emotional pain. Her pulse and breathing were steady. So for now, the watch and wait approach was what he felt was best. He continued to speak calmly and quietly, so as to not startle Kensi when she came to. Unsure what to say, he told her about dissociative states and reassuring her that it was ok and something they would work through. He talked about options for therapy to help her move past what had happened. As he began to remind her that her friends cared and would have her back without judging, his phone rang. He saw it was Nell and answered quickly, maintaining a calm voice.<p>

"Hey Nell, what's up." He asked.

"Deeks wanted to check in and see how Kensi is, and if she needs him. He wants to join you, but I thought we should check first. He's pretty much finished here, we've got our gameplan set." Nell explained. Nate was unsure what to say.

"Can I talk to him for a minute?" Nate asked, not sure if he should explain the situation to Nell. Kensi felt violated enough, and he didn't think she'd appreciate her coworkers being told about these episodes. When he heard Deeks' voice, he spoke.

"Kensi is fine, but she's having another dissociative episode. She's safe, and it's nothing to be concerned about at the moment." He explained, but there was silence at the other end of the line. A moment later, Deeks was at the door looking panicked. Nate resumed his explanation but it didn't erase the concern on Deeks' face.

He looked at Nate, feeling lost.

"Can I talk to her? I mean, is that ok?" He asked, feeling unsure.

"Of course." Nate reassured him. "You can talk to her, or touch her. Just keep it calm so she doesn't panic."

Deeks knelt in front of Kensi, hoping she would look at him. He gently reached out and took her hands in his.

"Hey Kens, it's me. It'd be really great if you could let us know what's going on in that pretty head." He told her. When she didn't respond, he turned back to Nate.

"So... what do we do?" He asked helplessly. Nate paused a moment and explained a few options. When he mentioned the possibility of inpatient psychiatric care, Deeks balked.

"No. Not happening. I'll take her home and take care of her myself. We are NOT taking her to a hospital, not when she's like this." He said stubbornly. "What can they do for her that I can't?" He asked, almost pleading. Nate sighed.

"It's ok. Give her some time. We don't need to consider it any time soon." Nate encouraged. "Do you want to fill me in on the plan?" He asked.

Deeks explained the undercover op as best he could. Nate nodded his understanding, and lost himself in thought.

"Since Kensi isn't getting much out of this right now, I might go visit Callen and Sam... After seeing that video I'm a bit hesitant to let them go without a chat." Nate explained. "Are you ok to stay with Kensi for now?" He asked.

"Always." Deeks said. "Go talk to them. Just remind them that Kensi asked for first dibs, so they better remember that."


	40. Chapter 40

Callen and Sam had returned to the bullpen by the time Nate emerged. He headed down to join them, standing and leaning on Deeks' desk.

"So Deeks filled me in on the plan. Are you guys ready to go?" He asked.

"Yup. But Hetty wants us to wait until tomorrow." Callen explained. "Give the wonder twins a chance to do some backstopping just in case. And get any more information we might need." He continued. Nate looked at the two agents and knew there was more.

"You wouldn't be thinking about ignoring that advice and going in tonight, would you?" He asked. Only the slightest twitch from Sam told him he was right. He sighed. "Look guys, we have to do this right. If you go in tonight and something goes wrong, not only will you not have any back up, but the guys who attacked Kensi could get away with it." He reminded them.

"Wasn't planning on leaving anything left to get away." Sam mumbled. Callen shot him a look.

"Fine." Nate replied. "I get how you feel. In some ways, I agree. But if you don't hold back on the beatings for me, what about Kensi? Deeks told me you guys promised her first dibs at them, and if there's nothing left tonight, when does she get her chance?" He asked them pointedly.

"We were going to give her and Deeks a call tonight after we took them into custody..." Sam explained. Callen gave him another dirty look. All Nate could do was shake his head. They had thought this through, too well.

"Come on. Why don't you just stick with the plan? Eric and Nell can keep the gym under surveillance tonight and you can go in tomorrow. Besides, I don't think Kensi is in much shape to be doing any ass-kicking tonight." He told them. "Don't make me rat you out to Hetty." He threatened when he saw they were unconvinced. Eventually, they nodded, agreeing that Nate was right.

"Alright, we get it." Callen said. "We wait for tomorrow, for back up and Kensi and everything else... But I still want to beat Henderson to a bloody pulp, and anyone who helped him isn't going to end up much better." Nate shook his head again. He was glad he had at least another day to try to get through to the two partners.

"Just stay away from them tonight." He told them. "We can discuss the rest tomorrow, ok?"

* * *

><p>Eric was having fun creating back stories for Callen and Sam. Sometimes the task was boring and tedious, but he was enjoying giving them both a background that might intimidate the man who had threatened his partner and attacked his friend. He created several hospitalizations of previous MMA opponents, long lists of previous tournament wins and just enough of a shadowy past to put fear into Henderson. It was almost a shame that they might never even see it. He pouted for a moment before diving back in.<p>

On a whim, he gave Deeks a history as well. He knew that Deeks had orders from Hetty not to get involved because Kensi needed him, but he also knew that if someone had hurt Nell the way that Kensi had been hurt, sitting on the sidelines wasn't going to be an option. Nell leaned over his shoulder to see what he was doing and grinned.

"I was just about to suggest we do one for Deeks, too. Kensi has beaten him up enough to look the part. And if I were him, I wouldn't be holding back." She told him. "As it is, I'm tempted to try to go in myself... if they hadn't seen my picture already." She quickly added, seeing the fear on his face. "Don't worry, Beale. I'll keep my distance. We've got enough work to do in here." She returned to her station and continued to bring up information on Henderson. When she began tracking his history, she had an idea.

She opened several local PD databases for his previous homes and began to search for similar attacks. In only minutes, she had hit paydirt.

"HA!" She yelled triumphantly. "We've got him. He's done this before." She said. "He lived in Denver, Colorado before, and we've got a similar attack there, shortly before he moved here." A ding from the computer prompted her to check. "And prior to that he was in Lansing, Michigan, where we've got another attack a few months before he moved. I'm seeing a pattern. Maybe we should update the team."

Eric looked at the screen where she was tracking Henderson's addresses and attacks. He quickly left what he was doing to help.

"Let's get all the details of these attacks pulled together, and then let them know." He suggested. "It shouldn't take that long, but it would be better to have all the information at once."

* * *

><p>Deeks sat next to Kensi on the couch, and wrapped his arm around her.<p>

"Oh Kens... I wish I knew what to do. I've got an entire op planned out to get your attackers. But none of that matters if I can't help you." He said, frustrated. "It's a shame you can't tell me what you need right now. But given that you suck at communicating, I'm sure I'll find a way to figure it out, without words." He continued, pulling her tight to him in a one-sided hug. "But don't listen to Nate. You aren't going anywhere. I'll take you home with me and take care of you for the rest of our lives before I'll let you go into a hospital. I know how much you hate them." He let her go and gently pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. "I'm here for you. Whatever you need. Tomorrow, we're going to get the guys who did this to you, and Nate is reminding the guys that you get first dibs." He told her. He leaned over and kissed her gently on the cheek, and was startled when she blinked her eyes. He pulled back and was disappointed that there was no other response. Maybe it had been a reflex, although he was sure he hadn't seen her blink in the entier time he was there.

He stroked her hair and continued talking to her, reassuring her he'd do whatever it took to help her be ok. Tears started to form as he considered that there may be nothing he could do.

"I need you to be ok. Just come back to me, Kens. I love you." He whispered into her ear, wrapping her in another hug. "I love you."


	41. Chapter 41

He won't ever know if it was his tears or his words or a giant coincidence - but Kensi seemed to snap back to him as a tear dropped onto her hand, just in time to hear him repeat those three words he had whispered. Her whole body twitched as her eyes refocused, and he couldn't help but engulf her in a tight hug when she looked at him. The tears in his eyes instantly turned to ones of relief, as he held on to her tightly. Finally she spoke.

"Um Deeks... could you let go? It's a bit hard to breathe." She told him. "And that can't be good for your arm." He laughed quietly as he released his hold on her and apologized.

"You really don't want to talk to Nate" he teased gently. "But you're not going to get out of it that easily." She blushed.

"No. But I'm glad you're here. I'm sorry for earlier, for yelling at you... All you've done is take care of me, round the clock, for the last few days." She apologized, but he cut her off.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. And you can't get rid of me that easily. I'm going to be there with you every step of the way, doing whatever it is you need." He reassured her. "But for now, we better tell Nate that you're back with us. He's going to want to talk about it... and everything else." Kensi sighed.

"You're right. Better to get it over with... then can we go home?" She asked. "It's been a long day."

"Of course. I need to check in with the team and then I'm good to go. Although I think Nell would really like to see you before we go." He told her.

"Yeah... can we go see her now and then I'll talk with Nate later?" She suggested. Deeks shrugged.

"I don't see any reason why not. She can help fill you in on what we've found."

* * *

><p>Deeks messaged Nell to let him know Kensi wanted to come say hi, so she and Eric quickly removed all trace of the case and the op from their screens. They were unsure what to expect, but Nell had filled him in on how broken Kensi had seemed a few days ago.<p>

The doors opened, and Deeks led in an apprehensive Kensi who seemed almost timid as she set foot in the techs' domain. She stood slightly behind and to the right of Deeks as they approached Nell, before Nell darted out and wrapped Kensi in a huge hug. Eric slid his chair back in anticipation of a possible negative reaction. Kensi stiffened noticeably as Nell's arms wrapped around her, but just as Deeks was about to pry Nell away, Kensi relaxed and returned the hug, much to the surprise of her friends.

"How are you doing?" Nell asked her as she pulled back, her voice filled with concern.

"I'm..." Kensi paused, unsure how to reply. "I don't know. But I think, eventually, I'll be ok." she finally said. "How are things going here? Deeks said you've got a lead?" Nell looked at Deeks for confirmation that she could go ahead, not wanting to upset Kensi. When he nodded, she launched into a brief version of what they had found.

"Eric isolated an image we could use for facial recognition. We matched it to a guy named Derrick Henderson. We've been able to find his place of work." She paused.

"Callen and Sam are going to pick him up tomorrow." Deeks continued. "We'll get a DNA sample and get him to turn over his buddies." Kensi took this in, knowing that this was a sanitized version for her benefit, and despite her curiosity, a glance at Deeks was enough to reassure herself that she trusted his judgement. After a moment she spoke up.

"Do you need me to confirm it's him?" She asked softly. Deeks was about to say no when Nell spoke up.

"It's your choice, Kensi. If you're ready for it, we can. If you're not, we'll get his DNA tomorow." Kensi paused, finally deciding she was ready to see his image. She knew it might be difficult - but it was better to do so with only Deeks, Nell and Eric there.

"I think I'm ready." She said, looking at Nell, then Deeks. Eric looked to Deeks for confirmation before bringing up the image. The room was silent as they watched Kensi for a reaction. She stood frozen in place, staring at the image on the screen. Eric had purposely kept it small, not wanting to overwhelm her. She stared at it, taking in his features. This was the man who had attacked her. She nodded briefly before turning towards Deeks. "That's him." She whispered softly.

Eric heard her whisper, and removed the picture from the screen. He was being extra cautious after what had happened earlier with Nell. Seeing Kensi had surprised him. She maintained an outward shell of toughness, but he could also clearly see it was a facade. Watching her now, turning into Deeks, he could see some of the Kensi that he knew Nell had seen. Her body had crumpled and she looked small. Her voice was nothing like the confident woman he saw at work every day. His observations were interrupted by his imagination as he pictured Nell as broken and hurt as Kensi seemed. It filled him with a combination of pain and rage. This monster had already destroyed one of them. He wasn't going to get to shatter both.

Callen and Sam entered the room with Nate close behind. The two agents looked annoyed, and it was obvious that Nate had spoken with them about toning down their plan of attack. All three stopped in surprise when they saw Kensi standing there with Deeks, Nell watching closely.

"Kensi confirmed Henderson as her primary attacker." Eric explained. Nate opened his mouth to voice his concerns, but Deeks quickly interrupted.

"It was her choice. And she did good." He told his friend. "She's good." He said pointedly, hoping Nate got the point and didn't mention her earlier episode. Nell watched them both with suspicion. She knew there was something she wasn't being told, and her glare at Nate told him she was unimpressed. But instead of speaking up, she gently patted Kensi on the back and offered her another hug.

"Why don't you go talk with Nate for a bit now. We've got a bit more to go over here." She suggested softly. Kensi looked at the young analyst holding her tight. She knew that there were things they weren't telling her - but she also knew she didn't have the energy to deal with it right now.

"Yeah. Good plan." Kensi replied meekly as she followed Nate towards the door. Just before leaving she turned back to Nell and quietly said

"I'm sorry, Nell. For getting you involved... Let them keep you safe."


	42. Chapter 42

_Author Note - I've left holes in the conversation between Kensi and Nate, indicated by a "break" bar. Apologies, but I don't think I could do an entire hour or two of conversation._

Kensi followed Nate to his office, again. She sat down nervously on his couch for the third time today. He sat opposite her, still studying her intently to observe her actions.

"So. Third time's the charm?" She asked, her attempt at humour failing.

"Well, you're not yelling and you're conscious, so that's a good start." Nate replied with a smile. "Where should we start?" He asked her. She stared at him blankly.

"I don't know. Isn't that your job?" She replied.

"I'm just here to help, Kensi." He told her softly. "How are you doing? Today has to have been hard." She sighed, trying to decide if it was worth it to continue being difficult.

"Yeah." She finally conceded. "It has. I'm tired." She told him.

"That's to be expected. I take it you're not sleeping well?" He asked. She shook her head. "And I'm guessing you haven't tried the sleeping pills that Lindsey left you?" Another firm shake confirmed his suspicions. "And I'm sure everything else going on is exhausting." He continued. "Dissociative episodes can appear restful, but they're actually quite draining." He told her, knowing she was already aware of this. "Do you want to talk about..."

"No." She cut him off. "I don't want to talk about them." He eyed her cautiously, trying to decide how hard to push.

"Do you know what helps to bring you back?" He asked gently. "That might help us help you." She sighed.

"Deeks." She whispered. "He helps bring me back." Nate nodded, having expected that would be her response.

* * *

><p>"You know... I've read Lindsey's report." He tried changing the subject. "She's concerned about you."<p>

"Why?" Kensi snapped. "Because I was stabbed repeatedly? Or because I didn't let Deeks deal with all my injuries? Or was it because I didn't want to take a sedative?" Nate was surprised - that last bit had been left out of the report. It didn't surprise him though. Kensi was stubborn.

"No. It was you reaction to the possible future complications resulting from your attack." He told her. "Do you want to tell me why you refused the emergency contraception?" Kensi blushed and tuned away. The conversation had been difficult enough this morning with Deeks, and she had no interest in revisiting it again so soon.

"I explained it to Deeks this morning." She told him, feeling both angered and relieved. "But you know what, even if no one thinks of me as the maternal type, being told you might not be able to have kids is still a hard blow to take on top of everything else. I get it, no one ever thinks I could be a mom, but maybe having that option taken away by some jackass is a hard pill to swallow." She said, her voice rising. "Maybe I wasn't ready for that door to close." Nate knew that he had hit a nerve - and he felt it was the most progress he had made so far.

"Kensi, that isn't it at all. It has to be hard, to have to deal with that, on top of everything else." He told her. "You don't have to explain it to me. I'm just glad you were able to talk to someone about it." He continued, reassuring her. "And for the record, I've never thought you wouldn't be a good mom if you wanted to be. And that option isn't necessarily off the table, it's just something you'll need to discuss with your doctor in the future."

"Yeah, well... after all this" she gestured wildly "I don't think it's ever going to happen."

* * *

><p>"Are you feeling ready to talk about your attack?" Nate asked. Kensi frantically shook her head. Nate debated whether or not to bring up the video, given her earlier reaction but decided to go ahead. "Do you remember them recording the video?" He asked. She froze and then barely nodded. "You know, we're still going to need your statement at some point. And in order to move past it, you will need to face it and talk about what happened." He told her gently. She was unable to meet his eyes and ducked her head. "It doesn't need to be right away. But it will help. It's going to be tough. And it will hurt. But in order for you to move past it, you'll need to face it head on." He caught her slight nod as she wiped the tears from her face.<p>

* * *

><p>"It pisses me off that he went after Nell." She said. Nate eyed her, unsure if she was being serious or deflecting.<p>

"What about it bothers you most?" He finally asked. She shrugged.

"She's Nell. She's sweet and kind and brilliant. And I don't want to see her hurt by some monster." She said. He took this opportunity to redirect the conversation.

"You know, that's how a lot of us feel about you. We hate seeing you hurt." He explained gently. "And we want to help." She sighed, feeling too tired to fight much more.

"I don't know how you can." She admitted, sounding more like a lost young girl. "Even if we catch him, it's not like it can undo what he did. It won't take away the nightmares or flashbacks or those... episodes." She continued. "And it's like I have no control. I'm angry and hurt and overwhelmed, and half the time I'm not even really here. I hate not being in control." She began to tear up. "And Deeks... God, Deeks. He doesn't need this. He needs a partner to have his back. Instead, he's not sleeping and he's spending every minute worrying about me. He walks on eggshells trying not to hurt me, and then I repay him by breaking his nose and yelling at him and accusing him of... of horrible things. And he just keeps holding me while I cry, and waiting patiently for me to come back to him. It's killing him, and it's only been 3 days! He doesn't deserve any of this, but he won't let me push him away." Her crying finally overwhelmed her and she couldn't say any more. Nate let her cry, waiting until the sobbing ceased before he continued.

"He cares about you. He'd do anything to help you. We all would. But he's the one you trust, and the one you let get close. And I promise, Kensi, he doesn't see it like that. All he sees is a chance to help you." Nate paused, unsure if he should continue. "After the Sidirov case, I was talking to Deeks. I asked him a question to ponder, to help him figure out whether or not he could come back to work. And I'm going to ask you the same question. What is it that makes your partnership unique?"

She looked pensive for a few minutes, and he knew she was thinking hard. But suddenly her face changed and he saw something different pass across her features. She looked hopeful, and overwhelmed and awed. "That's it." She finally said. "That's what he was talking about. And it makes sense." ***

* * *

><p>*** <em>Author Note - in episode 5-02, Deeks is recovering from being tortured and Nate asks him what makes his partnership with Kensi unique. Later that day, when Kensi visits and brings him dinner, they<em> _sit on the couch as she describes the movie she wants him to watch with her. As he falls asleep, she asks what it's about and he responds "It's a love story." - Making no sense to Kensi, but answering Nate's question from earlier in the day._


	43. Chapter 43

When Hetty joined them in Ops and gave a nod, Nell and Eric opened up the screens they had hidden for Kensi's benefit. The agents took in the maps and reports that Nell had pulled up, providing details of previous similar attacks.

"OK, so we've got eleven previous similar attacks. All in large cities, happening a few weeks before Henderson relocated. In each attack, the victim was tied up and threatened with a knife, with varying degrees of injuries. Kensi's are by far the worst. Each time, a combination of barbiturates and benzodiazepines was used to sedate them. The victims usually describe two or three attackers, one dominant, threatening them with a knife found in the home, and the other or others following directions from the dominant attacker. DNA was collected from most victims but with no suspects the DNA was slow to be processed and in none of the eleven attacks was it entered into CODIS." She paused, clearly frustrated. "In the more recent attacks, a friend of the victim received a threatening message and the last three received photos of the victim. This is the first time a video was sent." She took a deep breath. "We can't figure out how he picks his victims. They're all different ages, races, socioeconomic group... They have nothing in common."

Everyone in the room took in the information Nell told them, and the eleven case reports on the screen. All had been investigated by local PD, and each report seemed rather bare. With no major injuries, and no leads, it seemed that the cases had been overlooked. All of them were feeling frustrated - if even one of them had been taken seriously, Kensi's attack might have been prevented.

"So can we get the DNA from these eleven cases to see if they match Henderson's?" Deeks asked. "If we can nail him for 12 attacks, he'll go away a lot longer," he explained. Sam and Callen exchanged a surprised look behind his back - they had no intention of letting Henderson live long enough to go to trial, and they were surprised that Deeks did. Deeks felt the look behind him and turned to face them. "Yeah, I know what you're thinking. But we owe it to these other victims to find ALL their attackers and the easiest way to do that is to get him to give up his partners in each city," he explained. "We need to think about the bigger picture, as hard as that is to say. And Kensi would agree."

They stood in silence, each mulling over the information in front of them, their thoughts about Kensi, and plans for tomorrow's op. It was Hetty's voice that finally broke the silence.

"I believe we have everything we need," she said. "I think the best course of action for now is for everyone to go home and get some much needed rest. You can report back tomorrow at 13:00." She finished, dismissing them. Everyone stood in place as she left the room, with Deeks following moments later, followed by Callen and Sam.

* * *

><p>Nell and Eric exchanged a tired look as they grabbed their things. Both were too exhausted to argue with Hetty, and there really wasn't a lot left to be done. They could monitor Henderson's location and watch surveillance of his gym from Eric's. They trudged out to his car, grabbing the blanket and pillow from the couch on their way. They called out their goodbyes to Callen and Sam, with Deeks nowhere to be found.<p>

They collapsed into the car, saying nothing as Eric put the car into gear. He pulled into a takeout place he knew they both loved. Nell ran in and ordered and returned not long after with the bag of food to find Eric dozing on the steering wheel. He woke with a start when she opened the door, but still looked exhausted.

"Move over, Beale, let me drive. You're exhausted," she said. All he could do was nod in agreement as he moved over and let Nell take his place. He watched as she moved the seat all the way forward, and then dozed off a few minutes later, waking only when she pulled into his parking spot.

Once inside, Nell shucked off her shoes and tried to get comfortable. Eric headed for his room and emerged shortly after in pyjamas, despite the early hour. In his hands, he held a large t-shirt, which he offered to her. She took it gratefully and ducked into the washroom to change. The shirt came down past her knees, so she opted to wear nothing else. She came out to find him collapsed on the couch and picking at their dinner.

She retrieved their laptops and tablets from his bag and plugged them in to charge before settling on the couch next to him.

"So... I was thinking. Could we write a program to watch the surveillance videos for us and beep when Henderson is on the screen?" she suggested. Eric nodded.

"Already done," he told her. "And I'm almost finished one for the phone. It will set off an alarm if he goes anywhere near my place, Kensi's, Deeks' or yours. And it'll tell us if he leaves LA," he explained. "So we're good. Once we finish eating, we can relax or go to bed," he added. She sighed, relieved. They wouldn't have to stay up all night.

"Can you add Callen's, Sam's and OSP to the list?" she asked. "And maybe if he goes within a km of Kensi's or my phone."

"Yeah, that won't take too long," he agreed. "Then I need to sleep." Nell handed him his laptop and grabbed her own. She opened up her secure connection to Ops and loaded the surveillance feed and GPS tracking to her screen. Eric sent her the program he had completed before setting to work to complete the second one. Not long after, he sent her his completed GPS tracker, gave her a kiss on the forehead and went to bed.

"Wake me if you need anything. Or join me when you're tired," he mumbled as he left the room.

"Sleep well, Wolfram," she called after him with a smile as she got up to make herself a cup of tea. Eating dinner had given her a second wind and she intended to use it to see if she could find anything else to help their team. As water was boiling, she heard an alarm sound on the computer, indicating Henderson was on screen. She ran back to hit record and watch what was going on. She heard Eric stir in his room at the sound of the alarm.

"I told you to sleep," she called out. "I've got it. I'll wake you if I need your help."


	44. Chapter 44

Deeks left Ops and went straight to Nate's office. He paused outside the door long enough to peek through the small window. Kensi's back was to him, but he could still sense her anger targeted at Nate. She was raging at him about something. He put his hand on the doorknob, about to enter and try to soothe her when Nate caught his eye and ever so slightly shook his head. Deeks paused, unsure. He wanted to charge in and rescue her, soothe her anger away. But Nate was trained and looked completely in control - and was clearly telling Deeks to stay away. He sank to the floor and leaned his head back against the door. He trusted Nate. And Kensi knew she could come to Deeks if she needed him, but had chosen instead to handle this discussion on her own. He sighed, still feeling torn. But in the end, he decided to trust Nate - at the same time swearing if Kensi later said she wished he was there, he wasn't going to make her face her demons without him again. He wrote a quick note and slid it under the door, before heading downstairs.

He could hear Callen and Sam as they decided to go to the gym to spar. They wanted their moves to be in perfect form tomorrow to sell their cover. Deeks couldn't help but snort. He knew their cover was the last thing on their minds. They just wanted to beat Henderson to a bloody pulp. He sank into his chair with a sigh, feeling lost and unsure what to do. He would love to join Callen and Sam in the gym but realistically knew he wasn't in any shape to do so. Instead, he pulled himself up and went to the shooting range. Even with a messed up shoulder, he could still shoot.

* * *

><p>In the gym, Callen and Sam were sparring, holding nothing back. They played with MMA rules, but it was evident from their style that they had training in a variety of martial arts. Callen successfully blocked each of Sam's punches, not letting the larger man's size be an advantage. Somehow, Sam also maintained the agility of a smaller man. Within an hour, both were drenched in sweat and ready for a break. As they headed for the showers, they knew they were alone and began to discuss their plan for tomorrow's op.<p>

"We need to get DNA samples from everyone there. And we need a way to keep them separate," Callen began. "We can't just pull out swabs every time they spit or bleed."

"Towels," Sam said. "Keep a stack of towels in the bag. Push them into spitting on you. Or use it to wipe off blood," he suggested. "Then when you shove it back in the bag, make sure it's in numbered evidence bags. Just gotta be discrete," he added.

"Before the fighting begins, we should try to get cameras in place for Eric and Nell. I don't want to risk having our comms or button cams damaged or revealed during the fights," Callen added. "If they can watch, it'll help keep track of who fights who and when, to match up with the DNA," he suggested. "We can change shirts each round, to keep DNA separate."

"What's the plan for Henderson?" Sam finally asked, the question weighing on both their minds. "I know we both want to take him out. But Nate did have a point - we promised Kensi first dibs."

"Just see what happens," Callen said. "Whoever gets the chance to fight him first, takes it. Hit him hard enough to knock him out, and whatever collateral damage happens, happens. I've already arranged for an ambulance to be on call," he added, leaving Sam curious. "Lindsey's working tomorrow night. She's looking forward to meeting Mr. Henderson," he explained with a sly grin. "Kensi and Deeks can be waiting outside, as paramedics if she's up for it. Otherwise, she and Deeks can have access to him in the hospital whenever she's ready." Sam grinned.

"Sounds like we've got this all sorted out," he said. "Want to come in a bit early tomorrow to warm up?" Callen nodded in response.

"Yeah, sounds good. But I think tonight, we should both go home and get some rest. I'm meeting up with Lindsey later on to fill her in. And I'm sure Michelle will be waiting to hear everything," he said.

* * *

><p>Deeks had shot out dozens of targets with a variety of guns, and was now playing around with throwing knives. After seeing what was done to Kensi, he felt that a shot to the head was too good for Henderson. He deserved to suffer the same way Kensi had, so Deeks had borrowed a set of knives from the armoury and was now practicing on the targets Hetty had left. He couldn't help but notice that all of them were significantly damaged in the groin. Despite all she had been through, or perhaps because of it, Kensi still had deadly aim.<p>

He stood back from his target and held the knife as Kensi had taught him, before releasing it in a hard throw. The first few knives clattered away, but his aim and technique quickly improved as he managed to lodge several knives in the target's face, heart and legs. After forty minutes, his adrenaline was wearing off and exhaustion was setting in. He retrieved his knives and packed them away, before sitting down to clean his gun. He had never found it cathartic as his partner had, but at the moment it seemed a sensible thing to do. As he finished up, he heard the door open quietly and looked up to find Kensi standing there.

Her face was streaked with tears and she looked completely drained - but he couldn't get over the smile on her face. Obviously something that she had discussed with Nate had made her incredibly happy. He stood up and returned her smile as he walked over to her. She threw her arms around him and held him tightly. A few tears trickled down her face and onto his shirt as she whispered in his ear.

"It's a love story. And I get it now."


	45. Chapter 45

Deeks' face lit up when Kensi whispered in his ear. Either Nate had explained, or asked her the same question to figure out on her own. It didn't matter, though. Even with all the hurt they were both feeling, Kensi was smiling at what he had said. She wasn't pushing him away, or running away herself. So he allowed himself to indulge in the moment of peace that the two of them were sharing.

* * *

><p>Nate and Hetty watched the scene playing out on the surveillance screen in front of them. Kensi and Deeks were clinging to each other in the armoury, both with smiles on their faces.<p>

"It wasn't how I had hoped it would happen, but it's about time." Hetty smiled. Nate nodded in agreement.

"It's a shame it takes tragedy to bring them together - but it's going to help them both heal," he said. "And it may be the bright spot that helps Kensi drag herself through this mess." They stood together, watching the pair embrace, before Hetty turned back to her desk.

"Would you like a cup of tea?" she offered as she gestured for Nate to sit down. He took the cup from her and smiled.

"Is this a new blend?" he asked and she smiled.

"So you've spoken with Ms. Blye now, and I assume at some point today you've observed or spoken to everyone else on the team. What are your thoughts on how they are doing?" she asked.

* * *

><p>When they finally pulled apart, Kensi grabbed on to Deeks' hand. Her eyes were still glassy with unshed tears.<p>

"It's been a really long day," She whispered. "Can we go home?"

"Of course." He told her. "I was just waiting for you. Let's go." They turned and left the room, stopping only briefly at the bullpen to grab their bags before heading out to the car. They knew their colleagues would forgive them for not sticking around to say goodbye.

"Do you want to stop to get something to eat?" Deeks asked her.

"No. I'm done. I just want to go home. Um, your home, that is. If that's ok?" She began to feel uncertain.

"My home is your home, Kens. And that's where we'll go," he reassured her.

When they arrived, he was surprised at how quickly she bolted for the door, unlocking it and slipping inside before he was even out of the car. He came inside to find she had already retreated to his room. He gave her some space as he puttered around, tidying up the few odds and ends that were out of place. After ten minutes, he ducked his head in to his room to check on her. He found Kensi had wrapped herself in one of his blankets and curled up in his bed. He turned to leave, thinking she was asleep, when he heard her roll over.

"Join me?" she asked weakly. He couldn't refuse, so he sat on the bed next to her before stretching out next to her. He was surprised to realize she was wearing one of his shirts. She must have changed as soon as they got home. A moment later, Kensi was burrowing into his chest as she pulled him under the blanket. He wrapped his arm around her, lightly stroking her back as she tried to get comfortable. "Thank you," she mumbled. "This is better."

"Any time," he whispered back, before they both quickly fell asleep.

* * *

><p>Nell watched the screen in front of her intently, her tea long forgotten. She stared at Henderson's lips, trying in vain to make out what he was saying. Lip reading was Kensi's forte, but they couldn't call her in for this. She wished now that she had paid more attention when Kensi tried to teach her before, but had felt at the time it was unnecessary for them to double up on skills within the team. She let out a sigh.<p>

As she watched Henderson talking with another man outside the gym, she became more and more frustrated. It was then that she remembered the lip reading program that Eric had downloaded ages ago. Would he still have it? She grabbed his laptop and hesitated when the prompt for a password came up. While Eric wouldn't have a problem with her searching for the program, it still felt like an invasion of privacy to log into his laptop without permission. But he needed his sleep, and she wasn't going to wake him - so she guessed the password (and reminded herself to tell him to improve his security settings) and logged in. Fortunately, his hard drive was well organized and she found what she was looking for in minutes. After transferring the program to her own computer, she shut his down and turned back to her screen. She was grateful she had thought to record the surveillance feed.

The program asked for the video input and she loaded the video as it was still recording. After highlighting the lips on both Henderson and his apparent friend, she sat back as the computer processed. With nothing left for her to do, she went back to the kitchen to boil water (again) and make her tea. She found herself lost in thought until Eric gently squeezed her arm.

"Hey rock star," he said, smiling at her. "What's on your mind?"

"Henderson's on the surveillance video. Or at least, he was. I recorded it. Hope you don't mind, I retrieved that lip reading program from your computer so we could find out what he was saying. It's running now," she told him, as she picked up her tea and returned to her computer. "What about you? You didn't sleep too long."

"Powernap," he explained. "Should get me through for a few more hours. Let's see what we've got." He gestured at her computer.

The dialogue to Henderson's conversation was appearing on the screen as it processed. What they read made them both pale.


	46. Chapter 46

"Maybe we should have gone to a safe house." Eric stammered. "I can call Hetty, we can pack up and go now." He suggested. "And call Deeks, have him move Kensi as well." He added, starting to panic. Nell grabbed his shoulders firmly.

"Henderson is not a criminal mastermind. He doesn't know where you live, and he doesn't know where Deeks lives. He doesn't have access to the technology we do. It's all just empty threats. Besides, we're tracking the GPS on his phone. We'll know if he even gets close." She told him calmly. "And I would rather be here, somewhere familiar, with you." She added.

_This one was my favourite yet a real lively one and a fighter its so much better when they fight don't you think_

_Yeah man and she wasn't too bad looking either_

_Maybe we should change it up and go after the friend she might be lively too_

_Redheads always are_

_Or we could go back for round two with the first one I'm thinking we could stick around here for a while_

_I don't know we always move along so we don't get caught and we've got a good thing going here don't want to mess it up_

_True that but damn she was fun_

Nell copied the transcript and sent it to Hetty, knowing she would want a copy. On a whim, she sent it to Nate as well, along with the video, in hopes it would help him better understand who they were dealing with.

Eric had calmed down and was now grabbing screenshots of Henderson's friend to run through facial rec - it appeared they may have found one of the unidentified attackers, and if they could identify him before the op tomorrow, it would help.

* * *

><p>Deeks woke up, once again, to Kensi's screams. She thrashed and flailed, screaming loudly. He caught a fist to the chest as he woke up, but quickly rolled out of bed to avoid further injury.<p>

"Kensi! Kens! It's Deeks, you're safe. We're at my place, no one else is here. It's just us. You're ok." He promised. She continued to scream and thrash, not hearing him. He weighed his options, and grabbed a pillow which he held in front of him as he approached her. He managed to toss off his sling and wrap his arms around her gently without restraining her to avoid further panic, and he kept talking to her as he tried to soothe her. Slowly the limbs stopped flailing and her head stopped tossing, the screams becoming less and less. She opened her eyes to find him there and promptly burst into tears. It was only then that he saw blood on the shorts she was wearing.

She cried into his chest about fighting off the men who were trying to hurt Nell, while he carefully rolled up the shorts and checked her leg.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, it looks like you've ripped your stitches." He told her. "Can I call Lindsey to come fix it up?" He asked. She nodded, still unable to talk as tears poured down her face. "It's ok, I don't need to call her right away. We can wait until you're feeling calmer." He reassured her. Again, she nodded as she wrapped her hands in his shirt and rested her forehead on his chest. Gently, he placed his hand over the bleeding on her thigh and held it firm as she started to talk.

"They were there again, but Nell was with me. They drugged us both, but instead of attacking me they attacked her. I was tied up and couldn't help, I couldn't do anything but watch. When I tried to look away they hurt her more, so I had to watch." She sobbed. "They stabbed her and punched her and I couldn't help. I couldn't do anything to stop them. They pulled her hair and called her names... She couldn't fight back, she was too drugged. He forced himself in her mouth, and she gagged and threw up... so they punched her and kicked her. And then he told her to be a good little girl, to do as he said... She just nodded and let him have his way with her. It was... it was worse watching it happen to her." She continued to sob, choking on the words. "I couldn't protect her. I should have protected her."

"Shhhh, it's ok. It was a nightmare. A really bad dream. Nell is safe, and you are too. They aren't ever going to get to hurt you again." He promised. He wondered how much of what happened to Nell in the nightmare was actually what happened to her in reality. He was sure Nate would have something to say about it, and considered messaging him now. His thoughts were interrupted by a whimper, as Kensi looked up at him with a look that broke his heart.

"Even if they never touch anyone again, it's still going to hurt every single day." She told him. Tears formed in his eyes as he began to cry, too.

"I know. You're right. But we're going to be there for you every step of the way. I'M going to be there for you. And maybe we can make it hurt just a little less each day." He said, grasping at straws to try to help. "I wish I could take it all away. But you are strong. You're a fighter. And you're going to get through this, I know it. It won't ever go away, what they've done can't ever be changed, but you're going to heal, and get to the point where it doesn't run your life. And that's going to be the very, very best revenge."


	47. Chapter 47

Lindsey was meeting with Callen when she heard her phone go off.

"Just a sec, it's a patient, gotta check in." She told him, recognizing the familiar ring tone. When she read the message, she sighed and glanced briefly at Callen.

"What did she do to Deeks now?" He asked jokingly.

"Not Deeks. She ripped the stitches in her leg." Lindsey explained, and Callen paled.

"How serious is that?" He asked, concerned. "And how could it have happened?"

"It's nothing to worry about." She reassured him. "Deeks said it happened during a nightmare, she was thrashing around. But you didn't hear that from me." She added sternly. "But I should head over now. Want me to ask if you can come?" She asked.

"Yeah, sure. And ask if they've eaten - because knowing Kensi, she'll be hungry." He added. She nodded and sent his message.

"Yup, you're welcome to come if you bring food." She told him.

* * *

><p>Callen and Lindsey were greeted by Deeks at the door.<p>

"Take it easy on her. She's having a rough time." He explained, with an emphatic look at Callen. "Kensi, Callen and Lindsey are here." He called towards the bedroom as he went to retrieve her. He returned a moment later, carrying an exhausted looking Kensi in his arms. He set her on the couch and sat down on the floor in front of her. Lindsey moved over to examine the injury, checking the others as well. Callen went to the kitchen to dish up the food.

"How are you doing today?" Lindsey asked gently. Kensi just sighed.

"She's been taking her drugs as prescribed." Deeks said. "Except the painkillers, of course... Badass Blye doesn't think she needs them." he added with a hint of a smile. "Everything looks like it's healing ok, right?" He asked, a bit concerned.

"Everything except this one." Lindsey gestured at her thigh. "I'm going to need to restitch it, Kensi. Same as before, you know the drill. But I'm going to try a different type of thread. You'll need to get these ones removed in a week or so and we'll see how it is then. I'm going to leave some different bandages, and I'd like you to try and stay off it as best you can. I know crutches aren't possible with your other injuries, but you need to take it easy and keep your weight off this leg as much as possible." She advised. "I'm going to do the freezing now. Do you want an anti anxiety pill before I start?" Everyone in the room was shocked when she nodded yes, but Lindsey quickly pulled one out and handed it to her.

"This is Ativan. Just pop it under your tongue and it will work in under a minute. Deeks will stay with you the whole time, ok?" Kensi took the pill, and again nodded as she placed it under her tongue. As it started to dissolve, she began to shake and launched herself at Deeks, crying. He caught her, surprised, as she curled up in a ball in his lap and continued to cry. Lindsey reached to stop the bleeding in her thigh, which had reopened when she moved, but Kensi kicked at her, hard. Callen's eyes opened wide in surprise as he spoke to no one in particular.

"What the hell is going on?" He asked. He was met with silence as Lindsey and Deeks tried to figure out what had happened. Lindsey reached for her bag and retrieved the lab reports, and suddenly paled.

"Ativan. It's lorazepam, that's one of the drugs they used. We assumed she was injected with it... but if they gave her a pill then the taste could be giving her a flashback." She said, her voice full of guilt. "Damnit, I should have known better." Lindsey was clearly frustrated.

In Deeks' lap, Kensi was crying as she tried to hide herself. He directed Callen to grab Kensi's blanket from the bedroom, and wrapped it around her as soon as he returned, whispering in her ear the whole time. Lindsey put her hands on the wound as Kensi began to go still, her movements less co-ordinated and her crying softening. Eventually, she was limp in his arms as he stood up and sat them down on the couch.

"Kensi, I think the meds are setting in. You're ok, I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. Is it ok if Lindsey stitches up your leg now? We need to stop the bleeding." He asked her. A barely-there nod was all he got in response, but it was all they needed for Lindsey to pull out the lidocaine and start numbing the area around the wound.

Fifteen minutes later, Lindsey had finished stitching and bandaging the wound. Kensi was still groggy and clinging to Deeks like a life raft, but it seemed that her panic had eased.

"Keep her off that leg as much as possible." She advised Deeks. "But not at the expense of your shoulder. You're supposed to be wearing your sling." She reminded him with a pointed look. "And I suspect Kensi isn't the only one refusing to take her pain meds. I can tell from the way you're moving that you haven't taken them recently." She turned to Callen. "Do these two listen to anyone?" She asked.

"Not really." He replied. "Usually they listen to Hetty... but when it comes to their health, I think it's a lost cause. They both think they're invincible."

"Maybe I need to talk to Hetty, then?" She suggested. Deeks paled slightly at the idea.

"I'll take the painkillers. And try to wear my sling." He promised. "And I'll make Kensi take hers, too." Lindsey nodded, clearly satisfied.

"Then I guess we'll leave you two be. Callen needs to get some rest. But it sounds like I'll see you tomorrow. He's promised I'll get to meet Mr. Henderson at work." She winked. "And we have something special planned for him then.


End file.
